


Rebound

by rainysunset



Category: Day6 (Band), GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, Developing Relationship, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-04-11 16:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainysunset/pseuds/rainysunset
Summary: Rebound -- the kind of relationship that  simply happening in order to get over one that recently ended (Urban Dictionary).Yoreum really need a rebound after broke up from a serious-long-time-relationship. Timing play it's role by meeting her up with Younghyun, a guy who need someone for him to use, because he desperately want his girl to comeback to him. While they're trying to make things works, Jae reappears in Yoreum's life, to do his version of rebound: re-claiming her once again as his.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not smut, just a lot of kisses and cheesy-kind-of-romantic moments.

 

_He come home._

_I open my eyes, wake up from my sleep automatically and hear the sound of the door close. I'm gulping down and blink once, seeing a red light from the table watch showing 2.05 AM._

_Finally he come home._

_I lift my body up just before he lightly open this bedroom door. He move so slow trying to not making sound to waken me up, but he sigh after he turn himself and see me already sit on the bed watching him._

_"I wake you up?" He asked quietly._

_The room is dark and I still can't see his face, but seeing his sillhouette right there at the door is already make me feel relieve. Because I thought he won't come home again tonight._

_He walk to the bed and slowly I can see him better. He looks tired and sleepy, but still trying to give me a smile when he sit on the bed facing me._

_I miss him._

_"Have you eat something?" I asked just as quiet as him._

_He looking down for a second, and I feel guilty covering him. "Just go back to sleep." He said finally when he lift his head up again to looking at me._

_I know he skipped his dinner again._

_I smile softly, tired too. "Change your clothes, I'll heating up something."_

_He staring at me. "You don't have to do that, you need rest too."_

_"I'll be quick." I whisper._

_I get up from bed and walking to the door after I'm sure he won't stopping me again._

 

_I move my hands fast, taking out pasta and its sauce from the refrigerator, pour it to a plate and put it in the microwave. I set the time then moving again to prepare the table, filling up a glass with water, placing a fork beside it. I'm back to refrigerator, taking out a kiwi and strawberries, cut it fast then place it on the small plate and put it on the table._

_I sigh and move again to the microwave, put on a hand glove then wait. I look blankly at the microwave in front of me when I feel his hand circling on my waist. He hug me and I can smell a fresh mint from him._

_I miss him._

_"I'm sorry."_

_I clear my throat a little. "Apologize to your own body. You always overworked yourself without proper dinner."_

_He snudge his face in my neck, "I'm feeling more guilty to your body, I keep disturbing your resting time." He kiss my neck soft._

_I miss him._

_The microwave make a sound and I move my hand to take the pasta out. He pull off his embrace on me to let me put the plate on the table._

_I see him lean on the counter and watch my every moves. I take off the hand glove and put it down on the counter near him I almost hug him when I do that, also when I reach a ketchup bottle behind him. He just watching me with that killing intense stare of him while I put down the bottle on the table. He's smiling when I finally turn myself to him._

_Then he open both of his arms and I walk to him with a soft sleepy smile on my face. We're hugging. He once again snudge his face to my neck and I rubbing the back of his head softly. Slowly._

_"You've worked hard."_

_"You too."_

_"Why I miss you so much, though? You just left for two days, but why I miss you so much?"_

_It's because we nearly talk these days, I answer my own question without speak it out. It's because he always come home late if he's not go out of town for business trip. It's because his company is in the middle of transforming, to be listed in Korea Stock Exchange. And it's because he's a team leader of this special team that handle it, and it's because he always give his best to his work._

_We nearly talk these days. We live in the same house but we nearly talk. We used to talk about everything but recently, we just checking out each others. We're just like two people catching up with each others' day._

_"I miss you so much, too." He said._

_But God knows I miss him more. He never know what it feels like being alone in this house waiting for him to come home. I miss him more because there's nothing I can do while waiting for him, nothing to distract myself in the night while I'm waiting for him. He probably still busy with his team and work and deadlines while I'm feeling empty waiting for him. That's why I miss him more._

_More than he miss me._

_"Eat, before the food cool down." I pull off of his embrace._

_"I'll make up for it." He look at me before walking to the chair._

_"Hm, sure. Of course." Just like what he always said._

_"We still have some reports to be submit before the end of this month, so I might be come late again for a couple weeks. But I'll make up for it after that, I promise." He start eating._

_Always the same talking._

_"I understand, you have to do everything accurately. But don't skip dinner, really." Always the same respon from me._

_I miss him._

_He sigh, "I try everyday, really. But sometimes, I didn't feel hungry at all when I'm working, so..."_

_I look at him. I miss him so much._

_"What about you? How's your day?"_

_I try to form a smile, "Good. Not much different."_

_"You like the new school? Your students listening well?"_

_I smile. "The system is better than the previous school. The students... well, not much different. But there's this student that getting my attention..."_

_Then I tell him all about them, like always. His late dinner always end with stories about my school, or my students, or about his work. Not about us._

_That's why I miss him more._

 

_"Just leave it. I'll clean it up tomorrow."_

_He walk to me from the sink and lend his hand. I reach it then we walk to bedroom hand in hand._

_I lay on my back and see the dark ceiling while he watching beside me. He laying on his side, touching my hand, rubbing it in slow rythm._

_"I think you need to sleep." I said still with my gaze at the ceiling._

_"You said you miss me."_

_I turn my head to be welcomed by his smile._

_"I said I miss you too." He move closer then touch my face, moving the strand of my hair behind my ear._

_He kiss me. Slowly at first, but after I reply, he kiss me harder, deeper. He move his hand from my face to my waist, going inside my shirt to feel my skin there. And I feel goosebump all over myself because of how much I miss this. I miss his touch._

_He move himself until he's on top of me without breaking the kiss. We only pull off when we're out of breath, panting. Then he move his mouth to my neck, kiss it long and hard, nibbling and sucking it._

_"Shouldn't you sleep? Aren't you going to go again in the morning?" I try my best to hold my moaning._

_"Hm, I can handle that." He whisper to my ear and kiss the skin behind it._

_His hand move further up just as his mouth moving down kissing and sucking every skin._

_I moan._ _"Jae, I miss you so much."_

_"Hm, I know, I know." He lift up his head to look at me. "I miss you too." He kiss my lips again and I start whimpering when he touch me deeper. "Relax, breath." He said on my lips._

_I take a really deep breath and he starts everything, with so much slow but intense pace. Like the first time._   
  


 

I open my eyes.

I blink many times to adjust my sight with the darkness of my room. I take a deep breath many times to calm myself, to steadying back my heartbeat. I grip the bed sheet, feeling blood runs through my veins.

I dream about him again.

6 months had passed but I still dream about him. Hyerim said I'd forgetting all about him in 3 months but I still dream about him.

I take a deep sigh for the last time and close my eyes, I bite my bottom lip. It hurt. I miss him so much it hurts.

I lick my lips, open my eyes, and get up slowly. My head always spinning everytime I wake up from dreaming him, so I close my eyes again for a full minute to make it disappear. I reach a glass of water on the bedside table. It become habit. After being separated from him, putting a galss of water beside my bed before going to sleep is become a habit of mine.

Because I need it in a time like this. When the dream of him appear before me like this, I really need it.

I'm gulping down the water fast, finish half of it. I breathing deep for a couple times more before going back to laying down. I stare at the ceiling, closing and opening my eyes trying hard to not thinking about him, to not wondering what's he doing right now. Is he come home already? Is he asleep already? The company he's working successfully listing in Korea Stock Exchange now, so he must be home and sleeping already. Unlike those hard times when I still with him. Everything seems going smooth recently so he must be eat his dinner properly and rest comfortably right now.

Unlike those hard times.

I sigh long and close my eyes.

Am I regret that I left him? Maybe. Am I made a wrong decision? Maybe. Should I reach up to him now? I don't know. What he would think of me now if I do that? An impatient women who only want the good parts and avoid all the hard parts?

I am, indeed.

I sigh and shifting myself to laying on the side, trying to go back to sleep. But it's always hard. Getting back to sleep after dreaming about him is always hard.

-

 

The Principal still giving his usual speech in the first morning of new semester after a long holiday. This tradition also become a reminder to everyone about the start of new academic year once again. He still talking eagerly about how we, the teachers, students, and all the parties of this school, should welcome this new start as one of the exciting part of our life, how we should grateful for this opportunity to make it the best out of it once again, to give all of our best to live it to the fullest, to not feel regret later in the future. He also welcome the new students as much as he warned the senior students that will face many exams soon.

He still talking with the same exciting stance while some students are moving uncomfortably in place they've been standing on this field, because of the ray of sunlight that becomes stronger on them. I smile because of that. Fortunately the teachers are standing under the roof, so it just the tiredness of standing that bother us.

The Principal, Park Jinyoung, finally end his long greeting with a cheer of fighting, followed by everyone on this field including the teachers. Then we dismiss. The students walking as fast as they can to get under the roof as if they will burn into ashes if they stand in the field just for a second longer.

"His speech taking longer than last year." Sungjin, a music teacher, said beside me.

I'm walking between him and Sunye, another music teacher in this school.

"It surely takes longer from year to year." She agreeing Sungjin's statement.

The three of us are the youngest teachers in this school, so we get along well from the very first day I work here.

Sunye is only two years older than me but she already raise two kids and being a good happy wife, mother, and teacher at the same time. It's admirable, I always envy her. Sungjin is just 5 months older than me, but he already teaching in this school for 4 years, so he actually the most experienced here among us. Me and Sunye often asked him about many things and he explained it very thoroughly.

 

"What? You have class in first period?" Sungjin asked when he see me lifting up a stack of my papers and books.

I nodded to respon.

"Math in the first period of first day in school. It sucks, I feel bad for your students." Sunye said while checking on her schedule.

I form a smile, "Cheer them up later, then."

"Oh, class 2A?" She look at me with her eyes widen.

"Hm." I nodded my head and start to move.

"They probably will trick you." Sungjin give me a meaningful smile.

I want to hear the reason behind his words and those smile, but I'm in a hurry. My time already cut by Park Sonsaengnim's speech this morning, I shouldn't waste any more of it. So I just frowning my head to him and head out to the classroom.

 

I'm sliding the class door and bunch of voices welcomed me. Many kind of conversations fill up the room, overlapping. But it got stop when I arrive behind the podium.

"Everyone, greeting!" Shouts a boy who sit in the middle just right before I start to speak.

Then everyone stop all their talking and greet me good morning.

I smile then introduce myself to them, told them a little bit information about myself before continue to checking the class attendance.

"So you already chose a class president?" I said after done with the class attendance. I give a little smile to a boy earlier who lead the greeting, Jaebum.

"Yes, Saem. We make your first day easier, right?" Said a boy seated on the very back beside the back door of this class, Jackson.

"They forced me, like always." Said Jaebum with an upset tone.

"But you're the most capable for that position. We chose you for a reason." Another boy respon. He sits two rows in front of Jaebum so he kind of turn back himself to see Jaebum. His name is Jinyoung.

"Whatever." Jaebum said with unchangable expression.

"Okay, thank you for that. Although I'm not your homeroom teacher, I feel grateful."

Jinyoung turn back himself to looking at me.

"Now, let's start our study. Please open the first page of your text book..."

"We studying already?" A girl with a nice clean bob haircut, Jimin, asked suddenly, cutting my words.

I frown my head.

"Yes, Saem. It's the first day." Suzy beside her added.

"It's the first day so what?" I smile at them.

"We're not supposed to study in the first period of first day, Saem." Mark who sit beside Jackson explains.

My frowning got deeper. Is it true?

"Then what we supposed to do?" Should I just play along with them? My time got cut already anyway. Is this what Sungjin meant by them tricking me?

"Getting to know each other?" BamBam asked, and I still wondering how a person can have BamBam as a name. But I come to conclusion that maybe his parents are foreigners.

"Yes, Saem. You're a new teacher here." Yerin smile to me.

"I've been here for more than 6 months." I smile. Okay, let's play along then.

"You looks so young to be a teacher." Ayeon who sit beside Yerin is too, smiling at me.

"Are you still single, Saem?" Suzy asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Jaebum hissed because of her question.

I smile, can't believe that that's the first question a student have to ask me in the first day of new semester. I move and walk out of the podium then lean at it to be more comfortable.

"Then what about you? Are you still single?"

"Of course! I'm still pure and innocent, Saem."

Jaebum pft at Suzy's answer, the other laughing at it secretly, makes Suzy scanning the room with annoyance in her eyes.

"Why you're still single, Saem? You're so pretty though?" Ayeon asked this time.

What's with this class, really?

"Then, who's here in a relationship?"

No one lift up their hands.

"I can ask you the same question, then. Why you're still single?"

Loud 'Eeeey' fill the room.

"We're students, Saem. We should focus on our study." Jinyoung said and Yugyeom looking at him in disbelieve.

"But being in relationship isn't bad, though. It teach you how to socialize, to build a relation, to controlling your ego towards your partner. You'll be feeling many things too, learn to solve a problem between each others, try to understand one and another's perspective. In other cases, it can be a motivation too, to be better on your study."

"So we can have a girlfriend, right Saem?" Yugyeom looking at me hopefully.

"You already have one, don't you?"

His ears got red as the other starts to tease him, "That's not the case, I think I'll find one after this." The tease got louder.

"We have a womanizer here in our class, Saem." Jackson finger Jaebum so I stare at him with a tilted eyes.

Jaebum realized what just happened then turn back himself to Jackson that still pointing a finger at him.

"What?" He shakes his head left and right.

"Yes, Jaebum is a player. How can a relationship good for a guy like him?" Jimin respon.

"A guy like me?!" Jaebum shouts.

"He just playing with all of those girls." Suzy added.

"Hey, those girls come to me, correct your words." Jaebum defending himself.

"Pick one and do it seriously, please." Ayeon look at him.

"Why you order me around?" Jaebum too, looking at her.

"It become a mess." Mark whisper but I can hear him.

Their bickering become stronger, respon by more people, but then one student caught my attention. He sit in the back too, but in the opposite side of Jackson, he just looking at the sky through the window, not bothering at all with this conversation. I remember his name is Youngjae. What is he thinking right now?

"Saem, can I call you nuna?" Jackson's voice take me back to this class, but not with Youngjae apparantly.

"Suddenly?" Jimin judging him.

"Not in school." I answered his question.

"So we can do it outside the school?" BamBam and Mark asked in unison, exciting.

"Sure, if you meet me outside the school." I nodded my head.

"So we can call you unnie, too?" Yerin asked with the same amount of excitement.

I nod my head once again.

"But why you want to be a math teacher, Saem? I hate math." Jackson asked again and giving out his personal preference willingly.

"Why you hate math?" I laughing a little.

"He's suck at it." Jimin respon again and Suzy, Ayeon, and Yerin are laughing at it.

"It's boring and complicated."

"Like your life?" Jimin keep responding to his words and it makes Jackson hiss more annoyingly.

"I'll help you. I'll make it exciting and simple for you." I smile to him and to the whole class, "So never feeling shy to ask anything to me if there's something you don't understand, okay? I try to explain it in the simplest way possible."

"We won't finish this book by the end of semester if we study in Jackson's pace, Saem." Suzy stated a fact and everyone laughing once again.

"We'll see." I smile again. "Is there something you want to ask, Youngjae?"

Everyone become silent all of a sudden, but Youngjae still not realize it. I call his name once again, and that's when he finally blink and turn his head from the window to me.

"Is there anything you want to ask?"

He looking at me confuse before saying, "About what?"

"Anything?"

"Well... we're not study yet, and I'm not that interested in you, so... I have nothing to ask." He said it without any change of expression on his face.

"Mood breaker, really." Jackson whisper but the whole class can hear it, I'm sure.

"In fact," Youngjae continue, "Can I go? We're not study anyway."

"Hey." Jaebum turn himself to give him a warning look.

"Where do you want to go?" I try to keep smiling at him.

"Anywhere, somewhere peaceful. Too noisy here." He's not looking at me when he said that.

Then he get up from his seat even before I let him. He walk to the back door of this class, passing Jackson who shaking his head left and right, sliding the door then leave. Leaving this class in silence and awkward atmosphere.

"His attitude, really." Mark is the first one to break the silence.

There must be something about him, right?

"Don't bother it, Saem. It's just his personality." Said Jinyoung to me, looks like he can feel my concern?

What's with this class? One time it's so lively and bright, but then it turn to awkward and gloomy like this.

"The worst, really." Suzy too, whispering. Upset by it.

And I just looking at her while making notes in my head to looking up about Youngjae.

-

 

"Kang Sonsaengnim didn't come today?" I asked Sunye after I look up the homeroom teachers' room. The room is empty, but that's because some of them is teaching, I checked on Kang Sonsaengnim's schedule and he doesn't have class today, but this is the first day of new semester, all the teachers must come.

"He came this morning just for the ceremony, left not long after you went to class." Sunye look at me, "He's sick, you know. He must going back and forth to the hospital, so he might not be able to stay long in school."

"Why he become homeroom teacher, then?"

Sunye frowned her forhead, "Why? Something's happened?"

"Not really, I just heard that he didn't provide a parental meeting before the semester started. Isn't that the basic responsibility of a homeroom teacher?"

"Just like I said, his condition isn't good. He might be focus more on his health than the students. He's a big senior, just be understandable to him."

I pout my lips. So why he got the responsibility of homeroom teacher, then? If I asked him about Youngjae, is he even know what's wrong with the kid? He probably doesn't realize the kid's concern either, does he?

"Why? What happened?"

"Ah, it just... I want to ask him something about his student..."

"From class 2A?"

I nodded.

"Who? Youngjae?"

I frown my forehead, "How do you know?"

She moving her fingers at me to move closer to her, "Sungjin warned me about him too, said that I shouldn't force the kid to sing in any other singing events inside or outside school."

"Why...?"

Sunye shaking her head left and right, "He said he'll expalin it further later after his class. But did you find the kid is strange? He's too... composed of himself?"

"Oh, you noticed it too?"

She nodded.

"He seems not blending well with other kids, don't you feel that?"

"Yes, like he has his own world and not bothering his surrounding, that kind of feel?"

I nodded my head once again, "That's why I want to ask Kang Sonsaengnim about it."

"Ey, he probably doesn't bother about it. He is conservative, a typical old teacher."

"But still... I want to ask him first. Who knows? Maybe he knows something. And Sungjin must be know something too as he warned you about the kid."

"Right, we better dig it from Sungjin than Kang Sonsaengnim."

"We can do both. I talk to Kang Sonsaengnim later, tell me anything after you talk to Sungjin."

Sunye give a thumb up to me.

-


	2. Chapter 2

 

_"Jae, dinner." I smile at him, only my head come inside his office room while my body still hiding behind the door._

_He lift up his head then smiling wide to me, "You really stop by!" He get up from his seat as I walking inside._

_I put down the box on the table then we hugging each other. Tight._

_"You don't have to do this, though. I can order food just like the others."_

_"You don't want to see me?" I move my head from his chest to look at him, chin still on it._

_"I mean, you still can come here without bothering the food. You can use the time to rest."_

_"Well, I prepared it together with mine anyway, it's not wasting my time that much."_

_He smile, "Alright, thank you so much."_

_"Eat it, right now." I pull off myself from him, grab his hand and take the box from the table then walking him to the coffee table across his desk._

_He laugh, "Pushy, are you?"_

_"Like you don't know me yet."_

_He must be smiling right now because I feel he squeeze my hand in his, holding it tighter. We sit but he still doesn't let go of his hand that holding me so I roll my eyes at him._

_"How can I prepare this..." I pointing the box with my chin, "...if you not let go of this?" I lift up our intertwined hands. His hand still stubbornly hold me eventough my fingers already separated from his, straigten up._

_He smile, "Can we just holding hands instead?"_

_"No, you must eat your dinner."_

_"Just for five minutes."_

_"No." I smile and get closer to him until my lips touch his cheek._

_His smile get wider, "The other one too." He turn his head and I kiss the other cheek._

_That's when he finally let go of my hand so that I can start preparing the food. And he watching me all the time, every little moves I make, with those smile and unblinking stare of him._

_"Stop it and let's start eating." I hand over the chopstick to him, he reach it and finally start eating._

_"You still pretty. I'm wondering when will your prettiness fade away, but these days you become even prettier. How can someone be like that?"_

_"Just focus on your eating, Jae. Don't say nonsense like that."_

_"Aaaah,"_

_"No, I have dinner already."_

_"Just this one bite." He force me to take the eggroll and I can't really reject him so I eat it. "Good, just like that."_

_"What the...?" I frowning my forehead while chewing._

_"It reminded me of our old days, when we went picnic around Han River, the weather was so nice, the wind blowing coolly at our faces, you prepared a lot of food and it was so tasty that I ate all of it, then I laid down my head on your lap watched the sun over your smile..."_

_I moving my hand to my mouth fast a couple times as a sign for him to take another bite of the food intstead of talking non-stop._

_He obey but still try to speak, "Feels like yesterday. Can we do that again?"_

_"How about this weekend, then?"_

_"I mean after I finish with all of this company listing things."_

_Right, I said inside my heart. Of course._

_"Promise, then." We linking our pinky together and touch each other thumbs._

_A knock on the door and his secretary come in, "Sales and marketing team has provide data we asked, Sir."_

_Jae just moving his left hand to the table as a sign for her to put the report on his desk._

_"They want our analysis about it as QUICKLY as possible, Sir."_

_I frowning my head after heard that tone voice of her. It sounds like she doesn't want Jae to waste his time by eating his dinner with me. It must be just me exaggerating things._

_"I'll work on it right after this, thank you."_

_I take a glance at her when she bow and leaving this room._

_"Your food as tasty as always."_

_But I don't respon to that because the secretary clearly ruin my mood. What's with her jealousy tone, though? She had dinner, can she let Jae have his dinner too for awhile?_

_"Yoreum? My summer, Yoreum?"_

_I blink finally and look at him. I don't know what get me thinking about it, but I think his secretary is jealous of me. She doesn't like Jae wasting his time with me._

_"You have new secretary." I finally said._

_"I haven't told you?"_

_"No, maybe because I never ask?"_

_"Are you really want to talk about her right now?"_

_"What's her name?"_

_"Really?"_

_I stare at him longer to search something. I don't know what, maybe a slight sign that he interested in her? Because she clearly interested in him. But I don't find it in his eyes, so I turn my head away to see other things than him. Maybe it's just me being jealous of her, of the fact that she can see Jae everyday, more often than I can see him._

_"Kim Sohee. She just work here 2 weeks ago as a temporary replacement."_

_I know his previous secretary is taking a maternity leave, but I don't know until now that her replacement is someone who is still so young and pretty like that. And he just told me now, after two weeks. He used to tell me about his workplace and his team, but he just told me now, and why I feel that he won't tell me about her at all if I didn't come here today?_

_Again, or it's just me being exaggerating._

_"Yena unnie has giving birth already?" I try to change the topic to her original secretary who's in maternity leave right now. I'm pretty close with her because I always asked her help to reminding Jae to eat and rest for awhile from his work. She's such a nice unnie._

_"No, I haven't heard the news. I'll tell you about it once I got the news, I promise."_

_"You made many promises these days, Jae." I sigh and lean my back to the sofa._

_"There's nothing much I could do to you these days, you know why. But I really will make it up to you, I promise."_

_"You know why promises are worse than lies?" I look at him._

_He put down the chopstick to give his attention fully at me._

_"When you make promise to people, you don't just make them believe, you also make them hope." I look at the chopstick blankly on the table, "I wish you're not easily make promise here and there." I'm smiling and reach the chopstick._

_I take one eggroll and hand it to his mouth, "Aaah,"_

_He still staring at me but open his mouth and eat the eggroll in the end. "You're scary."_

_"Why?"_

_He chewing with his eyes still focusly looking at me, "The way you smile when you warned me just... scary."_

_I smile again and give the chopstick back to him and let him finish his dinner in peace without disturbing him even more so he can finish it faster._

 

_He walking me out after that. We pass his secretary and Jae said to her that he'll be back soon after sending me off. He take my hand right after he said that and I looking at him wondering. Wondering if he do this just for her secretary to see or if he really mean it want to holding hands with me right now._

_But we still holding hands while waiting the lift, I know her secretary still can see us from her place right now. Now I'm pretty sure he trying to assure me that he has nothing to do with her other than work things._

_I look at him and he turn his head to looking at me too, tighting his holding._

_The lift make a ding sound and the door open, empty. But Jae still not let go of his hand so I assume that he will sending me off at the parking lot. I walk to the lift then, but he stay in his place, make our hands that still intertwining strecthed. I turn myself and that's when he pull me to him until I'm right in front of him again._

_Without saying anything he touch my cheek with his other free hand and kiss my lips. I squeeze his hand as a sign of surprise. I kiss him back but also move my other hand to prevent the lift door to close. I pull off from the kiss and drag him inside the lift. He walks in willingly, calmly, pin me to the wall, makes me feeling the coldness of the alumunium wall._

_He cup my face with both of his hands and kiss me deeper. I circling my hands on his waist and we're kissing like we haven't kissing for years. Passionately._

_Surprisingly, I still remember to press the lift button, so when the lift finally arrive at the basement, that's the sign of us to pull off._

_"Happy 8th anniversary, Han Yoreum." He said out of breath._

_We looking at each other, "You remember?" Me too, reply him as out of breath as him._

_"Of course." He kiss my forehead then, long._

_But then he hold my hand again and we walking out of this building to the parking lot._

_"I'm sorry that I couldn't do much for our anniversary, but I want you to know that I still love you the same." He kiss me again just beside my car._

_"It's okay as long as you remember. I thought you forget about it, I thought..."_

_He kiss me again, cut my words._

_"We can overcome this, trust me. Believe me that we can going through this. This is nothing compared to what we've been through before. We're stronger than last year, Yoreum. Have a faith."_

_I'm gulping. Honestly I want to cry. So he feel it too. He sense it too._

_"I'm sorry." He whisper then touching my front hair, slip it behind my ear. "I'll come home early tonight." He kiss me again._

_"Then I won't sleep until you arrive."_

_He smile, "Right, don't sleep until I come back." He kiss me again._

_We're kissing again._

_"One more." And again._

_And we smiling in between our kisses. I love him so much it hurts._

_He finally pull off and open up the door of my car. I get inside and he put the seatbelt on me._

_"You still cute when you're jealous."_

_"I'm not jealous."_

_"She's nothing more than officemate, really."_

_"But she clearly interested in you."_

_"But I only interested in you, always." He give me another peck on the lips. "Drive carefully."_

_We staring for the last time. He whisper 'I love you' on my ear before finally letting me go._

 

 

I open my eyes and blinking fast. The dream is different this time. It's still about him but it's different from the usual. I feel him clearer like he's the most right thing that happened to me. His kisses feels much more vivid that I touching my lips, then licking it. And it's like I can feel his whisper on my ear just then. I'm gulping down and take a glass of water beside the bed, drink all of it.

It's a dream.

It's just a dream.

I'm self-hypnotizing myself. I must be miss him so much right now.

-

  
"What are you all doing?"

They all turn their head in unison because of my question.

"Saem!" Jimin shouts nervously.

"Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

They're all smiling awkwardly.

"What is it? What's your reason to be skipping class like this?"

They all silent for awhile, but finally Yerin speak, "The class feels suffocating right now, Saem."

I frown. "What do you mean? What subject right now in your class?"

"Japanese, and we suck at it." Suzy said with so much upset in her voice.

"Yeah, and Jackson always annoying in Japanese because he master it already and he always mocking us who slow to understand and memorize it." Ayeon explain it in detail.

I smile then because I just fitting a puzzle, "That's why you teased Jackson in my class? Because he slow to understand math."

"Exactly." Jimin snap her finger.

"Oh, you remember it, Saem?" Yerin look at me with her usual sparkling eyes and smile.

"You should ask the teacher to slow down her explanation, then."

"But Kim Sonsaeng is not like you. She never try to make us understand, she never want to help us, she just praising Jackson over and over, not bothering the other kids whether we understand or not."

"Yeah, as long as Jackson understand, she assumed all of us are understand too."

"Which is wrong. We never understand a single thing." Ayeon sigh frustrated.

"But if you skip her class like this, it'll be hard for you to catching up."

"It's not that different anyway, Saem. If we attend her class, we don't catching anything anyway." Suzy shrug her shoulders.

"We already left behind, we should learn from the basic again, Saem."

"And that's what we do, learn from the basic." Jimin point out her thumb to her back.

And I frowning my forehead again while my eyes looking at the wall behind them.

"There's an interesting Japanese teacher, Saem. Come on, take a look." Yerin hold my hand and drag me to the wall.

"It's always interesting to study Japanese with that Sonsaengnim." Suzy smiling wide then the rest of them following me and Yerin to look behind the wall.

This school has all level of formal education actually, from elementary to high school. And the building right beside our school is middle school building. So what I see right now is one of a class from middle school, and yes, they're learning Japanese right now, from a young male teacher that always smiling to every one of them. He is handsome, and yes just like Suzy said, he make the learning process interesting because they dancing upon the Japanese verbs right now, to make it easier to memorize. And also, all his students are smiling happily while doing it.

"You're just like it because the teacher is handsome, aren't you?" I turn my head to look at them who already immersed in that class.

"Of course we like handsome teacher. That's what makes a whole studying things interesting, actually." Suzy said without shifting her gaze a little bit from the teacher there.

The others are nodding their head.

I sigh, "But still, it's wrong to skipping class like this, girls. You should get back to your class right now, or I'll give you detention."

Finally they all stop what their doing, focusing their attention to me then say, "Yes, Saem."

I give my final look to that class and wondering if that teacher ever noticed them take a sneak peak out of his class like this, before we finally walking back together inside our building.

"Since when you did this?"

"Long." Jimin answered short.

"We did this for the first time around... second semester of first year." Yerin trying to remember.

"When Jackson started being annoying." Jimin added.

"Do you ever thought to find a private tutor to solve this problem?"

"For what? We won't live in Japan anyway." Suzy nearly laugh.

"But you'll be facing the subject again next year."

Ayeon sigh, "If the private tutor use the same method from class, then isn't it just wasting our time, Saem? We can use that time to study math, or chemistry, or any other subject that more important than Japanese."

"But at least you should do something for your grades."

"Screw grades." Jimin said.

"But your Japanese grade is better than us, Jimin. Why you upset, though?" Yerin asked, matter of factly.

"Of course it's because of Jackson." Suzy answered Yerin's question instead and Jimin just nodding her head.

"You can teach your friends, then." I said to Jimin.

"No, Saem. I can't. If I teach them, it reduce my time to studying it. I can't teach them while I struggling at it myself."

"How about you find us a private tutor, Saem?" Yerin giving out an idea, "If you worry about us that much."

"Yeah, we love a teacher like Younghyun Sonsaeng, he's our style." Ayeon added the idea.

"Who's Younghyun Sonsaeng?"

"The teacher you just saw. You really don't have to look far, Saem. You can talk to him and ask him to teaching us in private! Problem's solved!" Suddenly Suzy give me a look with her eyes twinkling brightly.

"Why don't you girls ask for it yourself? And how can you know his name though? You must be know him, then."

Suzy shaking her head, "We asked one of his student one day. And no, we don't know him, we never speak to him because we never meet him in person."

"You're a teacher. Teachers always close among each other, right? You can ask him then."

"I don't know him, either." I look at them sharp.

"But you have a better chance than us."

We arrive in front of their class. "Okay, I'll try later. Somehow." I shaking my head not sure.

But they smiling widely to me and their eyes are sparkling, full of hope. I let it pass and open the door, giving my apology to Kim Sonsaengnim then explain what happened with Yerin, Ayeon, Suzy, and Jimin.

They take a bow and apologize before got permission from Kim Sonsaengnim to sit back on their chair.

"Saem, have you eat your lunch?" Mark asked me suddenly.

"Saem, how are you?" BamBam asked.

"Saem, I can't wait to study math again. I suddenly like studying math." Jackson said with a grin on his face.

"See you tomorrow, don't forget your homework." I ignored all their questions to quickly leaving this class, giving my last apologing smile to Kim Sonsaeng.

I take a glance at Youngjae who writing with a full concentration, once again not bothering the disturbance, before I finally close the door and leaving.

There's no problem with Youngjae's grades, actually his grades are perfect. He's in first ranking so far, but his character is a bit... unusual if not strange. There must be something with him. He always alone too, not bothering to make any friends, and his classmates somehow afraid of him. Why? Because he's a smart student? Or because his family is one of the biggest shareholders in this school?

I really want to find out about it, but just like Sunye told me, talking with his homeroom teacher isn't helping. Kang Sonsaengnim doesn't notice any odd about him at all. Honestly, Kang Sonsaengnim only care about his students' grades. If the students has good grades, then no problem.

Looks like I should find another way to know what's inside Yougjae's mind.

-


	3. Chapter 3

 

_"Should I play too? Really?" I whisper to Hyerim, once again trying to avoid this ridiculous blind date activity. The idea of match making strangers is a nonsense in the first place. "You said I just need to come to complete the number."_

_"But since you're here, why not join us? Look, the number of boys would be unmatch with us if you're out." And Hyerim once again persuade me._

_"She's right. Come on, don't ruin the mood. We try to having fun right here."_

_I sigh but follow their wish halfheartedly and ended up partnered up with a tall boy. The only boy who wearing glasses, the boy who look the simplest among the others who obviously trying hard to impress the girls with their appearance. The boy beside me here, seems like being forced too to come here. Maybe his reason here is no different than me, just to complete the number. And what's his name again? Jaehyung? If I'm not mistaken._

_"So, the game is simple, guys. You just need to pass this amount of flour from this table to the glass on the other table right there. But you can't use hands." Some boy explaining the game, I don't remember his name, by the way. "You should use this tool instead..."_

_Now he showing us something that looks like a name card? But a little bit longer, I think._

_"Biting it, then pass the flour to the next person like this." He demonstrate it now to his partner and some of us screaming because their face become so close when he do that. "Like this."_

_He kind of blushing because of that? And I start worrying what will I face later with this glasses boy. Oh, lord. Why I agreed to come here in the first place?_

_"The first team who filling up the glass until full win. Now, let's get to positions."_

_"You go first." Hyerim said nonchalantly._

_"Whyyyy?" I whimper._

_"But you girls can skate, right?" Asked Hyerim's partner, Wonpil._

_"We're good at it, really." Hyerim assuring Wonpil._

_Yes, we're in a roller skater place right now, and just about to play a ridiculous game to get close with our blind date's partner. I sigh. Since when my planning go wrong like this? I never put this in my today's planning, though._

_"Ready, set, go!"_

_I look at the tall glasses boy take big amount of flour on to the tool then rolling slowly to me. Lord, save me, I sigh. But there's no turning back anymore._

_I standing awkwardly when he finally in front of me. He too, not knowing what to do to pass the flour and just moving his head hesitantly for a second, and I want to laugh because of his funny face. In fact, I think I form a little smile because of that, and he seems notice it because he become a little less awkward and grip both of my shoulders to stop me from moving in order to successfully pass the floor on to my tool._

_I try to cooperate but his face is so close to me right now and it looks so funny so I burst into laughter unknowingly and make the flour flying all over his face. Fortunately he got his glasses on him, so it kind of shield his eyes from the flour, but my sudden laugh make him suddenly breathing out hard. Oh, he must be holding his breath all this time. But that thought completely swept from my mind, my face suddenly attacked by the remaining flour on his tool._

_I close both of my eyes in reflex and hear Hyerim and his partners screaming and laughing hard._

_"Wah this is exciting!" She scream happily and I want to kill her right here right now._

_But this glasses boy might be killing me first because now he sound upset, "Hey!"_

_"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't help it." I still try hard to not laughing._

_"Hold your breath, don't laugh!" He shouts again. But this time, it sounds like he's gonna laugh too._

_My face must be looks so silly to him right now._

_He turn back to the table to take the flour once again, rolling on his skate slowly once again. He showing his finger to me, asking me to hold my breath. I nodded my head a couple times, smiling then take a really deep breath. He grip my shoulders once again, closing his face to me and try to pass the flour more carefully this time, and yes I'm holding my breath._

_He success and I move to Hyerim right away, like him, I give her a sign too, for her to hold her breath. She still smiling if not giggling but got silent right after I stand in front of her. I try to do it like how the glasses boy did it to me, but Hyerim's height is kind of similar to me so I press her shoulder, force her to bend her knees. She laugh and a little flour fly, but I successfully pass the rest of it to her. She's rolling to Wonpil right away._

_"Already?!" I see him already standing on my previous position waiting for me to come back, with another big amount of flour on his tool. His hand moving as his sign for me to quickly stand on my position._

_Somehow, he kind of smiling, seems liking this game now. His grumpy look from before has gone, his face looks more lively right now._

_Am I too, right now?_

_I take a really deep breath once again and he grip my shoulders again, closer his hands to the skin of my neck this time. He pass the flour faster this time._

_And for the next time. And for another time. Again and again until our glass is full bringing us a victory. And without we realize, we do a group hug together while circling this skating floor happily._

_"It's so fuuuun, can we do it again?" Hyerim is getting so excited._

_"I prepare many games." Said a boy from the other team, the same boy who explained the game earlier. I remember his name now, Chansung. "Clean yourself and get ready for the next games!" He shouts excitingly too._

_I go to the corner of this skate area where I put my bag and take out wet tissues. I share it with Hyerim, well, with the others too. We cleaning up our face for some time and I take a glance at the glasses boy who looking at me all the time while he cleaning up his face._

_He come to me and grip my hand that holding the wet tissue, "Here, and here." He moving my hands to my face to wipe the part he meant but not satisfy by it so he take the wet tissue from me and wipe it himself._

_"Close your eyes." He said and I do it right away, I feel like I'm hypnotized by his sudden action. He wipe some part of skin around my eyes very softly like he afraid his touch will break me. "Done. All good and pretty again."_

_I smile automatically when I hear pretty on his sentences. "You still have it though, right there under..." I awkwardly pointing it with my fingers._

_"Wipe it for me then." He handed his wet tissue to me._

_I take that and tip toe to reach his face. He is tall. Noticing it, he bend his knees a little then, and I move his glasses up a little to wipe the flour under it._

_"Oh wait, it's dizzy." He grip my shoulders suddenly to prevent him for falling because of the dizziness._

_"Oh, I'm sorry." I freeze my movement._

_"It's okay now I close my eyes." He smile and I start to wiping it softly._

_"There's on your hair too." Then I wipe some part of his front hair too, make it wet a little bit. "Done." I smile and look at him._

_Surprise, because he already open his eyes and looking at me all the while I cleaning up his hair, apparently._

_"Thanks." He smiling and back to his normal stance._

_"Well, we're even." I replied awkwardly._

_"Can you do it like that to me too?" I hear Hyerim said it out loud in purpose. She mocking me, period. And I hiss because of that._

_The glasses boy still smiling at me, not bothering them._

_"I'm Jae, by the way."_

_"I know, you introduced yourself already."_

_"In case you forget about it." His smiling wider. "Besides, I introduced to everyone before, now I personally introducing myself to you."_

_I give him my questioning look, "I'm... Yoreum..."_

_He laugh a little, "So nice to meet you, Yoreum. I like your name because it feels like summer come to me already."_

_"That surely... the cheesiest pick up lines ever."_

_He laugh more._

_"Can we change partner for the next game?" Wonpil asked Chansung._

_"Sure, if anyone accept you."_

_"I want to do it with Yoreum for the next game."_

_"Uhm... I'm fine with Jaehyung, though..." Why I said that?_

_Really?_

_"But Jae, don't you want to change to other girls too?"_

_"No, I'm fine too with Yoreum."_

_I turn my head to look at him and he smiling wide his teeth are showing._

_"We've caught ya!" Then Wonpil and Hyerim shouts in unison, and laughing and screaming happily._

_"Do you still upset to me because I dragged you here? Hm?" Hyerim tease me._

_"What do you mean?" And here I am stuttering my answer._

_"You too, you too." Wonpil shaking his finger to Jae excitingly. "You don't even try to look good today, you still wear your ugly glasses, worn out jeans, worn out hoodie. But look what you've got! You're thankful to me now, right?"_

 

I open my eyes.

My mind goes blank right away, like it become one with the darkness. I lick my dry lips and put my hand on my chest, feeling my heart beating fast, just like when I felt it back then.

That day, that time when I met Jae for the first time. Our first encounter. An encounter that really left strong impression. A start of our love story. Our long love story.

I take a long deep breath and close my eyes. It makes me so emotional because that is one of the moment I cherish the most in my life. I always grateful that I met him that day, knowing him, become part of his life, I feel happy. I'm so happy that I don't want to forget it even after we separated.

But dreaming about it is another thing. Different with reminiscing, in dream, everything about that moment is become clearer. It's like I can see him clearer, hear him clearer, even feel him clearer. It was like I really time traveling to that day, standing in front of him with wet tissues in my hand after wiping his hair. Feeling that exciting and heart thumping again, once again.

When I open my eyes and realized that was just a dream, it feels suffocating. A sudden sadness filling up my heart and it can't be distinguish just by drinking a glass of water. A tear fall from my eyes, and I can't help to curling myself, hiding my face between my knees.

"Aish..." I want to curse but my tears falling down even more. And I'm crying.

Crying again after more than 6 months I'm holding in.

"Why it has to be that moment?" I mumbling in between my crying. I take a deep breath once again.

I like him so much.

Am I regret that I left him?

That question never leaving me after I left him, but I still can't give a confident answer to that. And that question haunted me more often these days. It's almost 7 months already, so why? Why I still have to suffer like this? Why can't I forget him?

I cry even more.

-

 

"How about call him?" Hyerim suggested while her attention still focus on the road in front of her.

"Should I?"

"Like... checking on him? Doesn't mean to starting again, just... I don't know, let yourself get update about his current life?"

"I'm the one who left him. I'm the one who ended it." I looking at the window beside me.

"That's what I mean. He didn't really ended it back then. It was like you forced him to ended it. So maybe, just maybe... He still waiting for you?"

I'm gulping and a tear fall again. That is clearly an empty hope. There's not even an evidence or sign, or anything to come to that conclusion. I shouldn't think about that a little bit.

"How dare I?"

"Oh my god, you're crying? You were fine these past months, what's wrong?" Hyerim sounds sad too.

I'm pitiful indeed.

"What should I do, Hyerim? I still can't forget him. It's over 6 months but I still dreaming about him. What's wrong with me really? I left him, but why can't I forget him?"

"You still love him when you left him, that's why. You were just too emotional back then. Your frustrated feeling of loneliness got the best out of you, covering your true feelings for him, which is love. You still love him deep down your heart. You just made an irrational decision back then, and now you realize it. Somehow."

I sobbing.

"That, or you really need to meet someone new. A replacement. You need a rebound, a new person that matters."

-

  
"Saem, are you feeling sad about something?" Asked Jinyoung when we unintentionally walking together to the school gate after school.

"Why?"

"Your eyes looks really swollen, did you crying, Saem?"

Is it that obvious? If it's that obvious why the adults, I mean Sunye or Sungjin or the other teachers that met me today, doesn't bother about it? They didn't ask anything about it either? Why in the earth it's Jinyoung who mentioned about it?

"You know, people can't be bright all the time. There's a time someone feeling sad and gloomy and that's pretty okay."

"That's what I mean, so what's make you sad, noona?"

I look at him with a sharp eyes.

"We already out of school." He said matter of factly, point out his finger to the gate behind us.

I sigh, right.

"It's really personal. Why you still here in this hour by the way? It's nearly evening."

He smile, "I just back from library."

"Alone?"

He nodded.

"Bring the others next time. They need to copy your study habit."

"Some of them going to academy, Saem."

"Ah, right."

"But, Saem. Have we met before...?" His eyes are wondering while I frowning my head.

"Have we? I guess not."

"Really?"

We arrived at the bus stop.

"But I really feel like I've known you before." He still wondering alone.

"Isn't that your bus?"

He finally back to this current world. "Oh, right. Take care, Saem. Ah no, noona." He waving at me before get on the bus.

Maybe my decision to let my students call me noona outside school is a mistake. It's confusing them, and me personally.

I wait alone right now, and unintentionally looking myself from the alumunium glass of some advertisement board. Am I really that obvious?

My bus come not long after and I get on, tap my phone to pay on the machine and walking to the nearest empty seat beside the window.

"Wait a second, Ahjussi!" I shouts to the driver in reflex as soon as I sit and see a man running while waving his hand to this bus from the window beside me.

The driver wait for awhile just like I asked him, until a man finally get on the bus, out of breath but still saying 'Thank you' to the driver who just reply him with a nodded head.

The man tap his phone on the machine to pay then looking inside the bus. Our gaze met and he smile to me, and I awkwardly smiling back to him. He walking to my direction, to the empty seat beside me.

"This seat is empty, right?"

"Yes," I smile politely once again.

"Thank you for held the bus from leaving." He still trying to normalize his breathing as an after effect of his running.

He is a Japanese teacher from middle school I saw the other day with Suzy, Jimin, Ayeon, and Yerin. What a pleasant coincidence.

"I did it on reflex when I saw you running..." I smile again.

He looking at me smiling, "Still, thank you."

I just nodded my head.

"Having a bad day?"

"Huh?" I kind of taken aback by his question.

"You look... gloomy, unlike the other day."

Am I really that obvious?

"The other day?"

"Ah... that... actually I saw you take a sneak peak at my class."

I understand now. "Ah, of course you noticed us, right? There's now way you didn't saw them all this time, right?"

He smiling, "Yes, and that day it became 5 suddenly."

"I cought them. I just knew that they always skipped their Japanese class."

"It happened for a long time, though. I wonder why their teacher never noticed her students were missing and never do something about it."

I smile feeling guilty, "I'm not their Japanese teacher, but yes I feel sorry too that I just found it after a long time."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you're their Japanese teacher."

I shaking my head.

"I'm Younghyun, by the way."

We shaking hands, "Yoreum, math teacher actually."

"Math? Really?"

"Why?"

"Ah... No, you just don't look like it."

"What do you mean?" I laugh a little.

"Aren't you too... cheerful to be a math teacher?"

"Why math teacher always associated with the scary one, though? Math can be teached by a person with bright personality too, and can be learn with an exciting atmosphere too." My hands move without me knowing. "Everyone need to change their view about math, really. It's fun if you give it a chance."

I turn my head to him who what? Why he looking and smiling at me like that?

"Excuse me...?"

Now he's kind of... blushing? I must be seeing wrong.

"You looks bright and fun, indeed. Like a summer, just like your name."

_I like your name because it feels like summer come to me already._

Jae's words and his smile from that time come to my mind in a flash and that makes my heart sunk suddenly, fast. Feels like something hit me hard and fast.

I look at Younghyun but can't hear anything for a brief moment, just staring blankly. But when he lift his head to the side and give a questioning look at me, I realize that I must be looking so dumb right now. So I form a smile, with so much difficulty.

"That kind of line about my name is outdated already."

He laughing, "Right, you must be heard it million times already."

I smile again a little and sigh, looking out to the window.

"Am I make you feel uncomfortable?" He said after awhile.

"No, of course not." I smiling to him.

"Because you were bright when you talking about math before, then suddenly become gloomy again after I..."

"No, it's not like that. Really." I cut his words.

"I'm sorry."

"No, really. Don't be." I give him an assuring smile once again, "Actually, it's so fortunate that we meet like this. And since you mentioned about my students earlier... I have a favor regarding them."

"To be their private tutor?"

"Oh! Bingo!" I smile wider, feeling thankful that he understand it already. "They really like you and your teaching method. They're believe Japanese should be learn with fun like that."

"It's obvious, though. Their faces and smiles while sneak peak to my class is like saying 'I like you, I want to be there so bad'."

I laugh, "They're teenager anyway."

"I'm available anytime, just tell me when I should start."

"Thank you." I smile again to him, "I'll them first and ask about their schedule." I pull out my phone from my bag, "I'll call you." I give him my phone and he touch it several times to save his number in it.

"Call me anytime." He grin while giving back my phone.

"It's for the tutoring."

Am I blushing?

"Yes, of course, of course."

"What is that?" I laughing.

He is too.

"I'll get down in the next stop, by the way." I said then.

"Oh? Me too." He stand up to get ready.

I follow behind him.

"Where do you live? Don't say that you live in that building?" He point out his finger to the tallest apartment building near the bus stop.

The bus slowing then stop and we get down.

"Why? I indeed live there, though."

"Wah, another pleasant coincidence." He said softly, more like to himself. "We live in the same building then!" He clap his hand and looking at me smiling.

"Ah, really? Why we never meet each other though?"

"Because I just moved in two days ago."

We ended up walking together to the building and to make it more surprising, he live just beside me. Right beside me.

What kind of coincidence is this?

-


	4. Chapter 4

 

_I open my door and got a hug right away from my drunk boyfriend who shouting my name excitedly. I take a step back to be able to hold his weight on me, he now circling his hand to my body so tight, really clinging his body fully at me. And I can't help but hugging him too because of that, or else I'll fall. I see Wonpil behind him trying to steady his breath. He looks hopeless and apologetic at the same time._

_"How much he drank?!"_

_Wonpil take a deep breath once before speak, "Too much."_

_"And why you brought him here instead of his house?"_

_"He forced me to take him here."_

_"And you agreed just like that? To a drunk person?"_

_"You don't understand who I deal with. A drunk Jaehyung is a lot of work. I brought him home first, fyi. But he didn't want to get in, insisted that he want to be here. He didn't leave me alone too. And he's so clingy, and..." Wonpil take a deep breath again while he thinking the suitable word to explain a drunk Jae. "...annoying."_

_"But then you will leave him here?"_

_He nodded._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"He won't do something inappropriate, I assure you. He just gonna be so annoying." Wonpil nodded his head again and decides that his part has done here, "Now I lend him to you. Please take a good care of him." He bowing to me and turn away._

_"Don't you think I'm the one who need that good caring?"_

_But he just shake his head to the left and right while walking away from my house._

_I sigh, close the door and with so much effort take Jae to the bedroom. My bedroom. My bed. He's still closing his eyes but as soon as his back touching the bed he open it, and smile to me._

_"It's Yoreum~"_

_I frown my forehead because his tone is like... did he just act aegyo to me?_

_"Want to drink some water?"_

_"No, I want to sleep~" he still talking in that cute tone then close his eyes again._

_I sigh deeper, thinking. Should I sleep here too beside him? In the same bed with him tonight?_

_I get off the bed and sit on the chair instead, contemplating. All of this is the first for me. Seeing my boyfriend drunk, let him come to my house this late, and take him to my bed, watching him sleeping like that on my bed. Should I let this be the first time we sleep together too? I mean, literally just sleeping together?_

_In the middle of that self-debating, I see Jae open his eyes and look at me right away._

_"Why you there?~" still with a cute tone._

_Why he talk like that though? Is this what Wonpil meant by annoying?_

_"Come here~ sleep, it's late~"_

_"Uhm, I... think I just going to sleep on the sofa outside."_

_"Ah, why~ Just come here, will you~ Jaehyung want you here, really~"_

_I agape my mouth because he sounds more like a 5 than a 20's._

_"Your back will hurt in the morning if you sleep there~ just come here, please~ please~" now he pouting his lips too, pleading me with his eyes._

_I still recovering from the shocking so I just sit still, looking at him in disbelieve._

_"Ah, come on~ what are you thinking again~ Jaehyung's sleepy~ come sleep here with me~" he get up from his laying position so that he can moving his upper body, whining as much as he could._

_My god. He completely drunk._

_"Ah, please~"_

_"And what if I reject?"_

_"Ah, pelase~ why~ I'll be sad~ I'll cry, then~" then he whining even more, keep talking with that cute persuasive tone of voice, doesn't stop talking for at least a minute long._

_I give up and give him what he want. I get on to the bed and he smile, laying himself back by his side to be able to see me. I laying beside him then, giving him a look of 'satisfied?' but he just smiling then circling his hands on my body._

_"Now sleep, my summer." He said with more like his natural voice while put his head on my neck, hiding it there._

_I can feel his breathing from his nose on the skin of my neck and soon it become steady. I lift up my head to look at him who already close his eyes shut._

_I take a deep breath. "So this is what you like when you drunk?" Then a smile form on my face. It kind of annoying but at least bearable._

_And without me noticing, I move my body so that I can be more comfortable to sleep in his embrace. My hand unknowingly stroke the back of his head too, pat him softly creating a lullaby. A slow calming rhythm._

_"It feels good." He mumbled suddenly I'm not sure what he meant by that because he still close his eyes, unconscious._

 

_Finally he open his eyes. I finish making breakfast already and done taking shower when Jae finally open his eyes and looking at me. I smile to him tilting my head._

_"Is this heaven?"_

_"You... don't ever drink over your limit again."_

_He blinking his eyes, frowning his forehead and starts to stretch up._

_"I didn't do something bad, did I?" He asked still with half-lided eyes._

_"You did a lot of aegyo."_

_"Wonpil told me about that already."_

_"Breakfast?"_

_"Do you have a new toothbrush?"_

_"I prepared it for you in the bathroom."_

_He get up, his hair messy and his steps are shaky._

_"So you're the type who brushing teeth first before breakfast?"_

_"Hm." He disappear to the bathroom while I'm smiling by myself._

_I get up from the bed too, waiting him in the dining room. Not long after, he walks out from my room and my gaze is automatically on him. I notice he washed his face too, but nothing's change with his hair._

_I assume he will walk straight to the chair in front of me but he walks to me instead._

_"I'm also the type who brushing teeth first before giving a morning kiss." Then he kiss me. Longer than a peck, shorter than a deep kissing._

_I'm smiling between our kisses._

 

 

I open my eyes. Another dream.

I gulping down, looking at the ceiling and take a tidy breathing.

I'm fine. Just the usual dream of him. I'm fine, it happened many times already, I got used to this now.

I do self-hypnotize Hyerim once taught me, hope it can reduce my emotional feeling of him everytime it appear after I dreamt about him.

-

  
I walk inside the class of 2A but the atmosphere really different from the usual. There's not even a single chit chat between them, they used to always talking though. Actually they're all like keeping silent in purpose. I feel it when I look at their faces closely. Some of them are looking down to their table but I know something just happened before I walk in. They're like avoiding my gaze too, except Jaebum who still look at me and lead the class to greet me.

They greet me softly, with no energy. And I can't stand this situation. It's not like their usual self.

So I ask, "What happened?"

Of course there's no one answer me, and I see almost all of them looking down right now, really avoiding me.

I look at Jaebum with my head tingling to the side, demand his explanation.

He sigh, seems like don't know where to begin, "Just..."

But his voice is being cut by a sobbing. A girl's sobbing, softly, but in this quiet class right now it can be heard very clearly. I move my head searching the source of that sobbing and see Yerin's shoulders start to moving up and down.

"Why are you crying, Yerin?" I asked as I walk to her.

"I can't hold it anymore, really! Saem, Youngjae is a problem, really." Suzy said with so much upset tone in her voice, turn her body to the back to see Youngjae direclty. Her eyes radiating anger to him.

"Why I'm the problem? It's her! I said I won't do it but she insisting and become annoying."

Yerin's sobbing got harder and I pat her back repeatedly.

"But you can just tell her nicely, not with screaming in front of her face. And you nearly slap her!" Ayeon reply.

"Yeah, you don't have to be a jerk like that just because you have everything! Be more socialize!" Jackson shouts with annoyance too from the other corner of the room.

"Shutp up, Jackson. You're not that different from him. What? You're gonna hit him because he's screaming to Yerin? You're far from a better person than him, don't you know that? You just look like a cheap gangster!" Jimin shouts to reply Jackson.

"What?! I just defended you, all of you, but now I am the one who blame?"

"Yeah, we were defending you, you must be thankful to us!" Now Mark beside Jackson speak too. Not as upset as Jackson, but the annoying look is there on his face too.

"By hitting?" Suzy and Jimin stand up almost in unison.

"That is so gangster." Ayeon said with her head shaking left and right.

"So what you girls expect us to do? Youngjae that kid will never listen to our words anyway, why bother to talk to him?" BamBam reply Suzy and Jimin, standing too.

"Look, even now he's not speak anything!" Jackson look at Youngjae, start to feel annoyed again by that kid's attitude. "Such an annoying heir."

Youngjae lift his head to staring at Jackson sharply.

"But your attitude is worse, Jackson. You hit Jimin in the end." Even Jinyoung who sit in the front now speak up.

I scan Jimin's face fast and see her touching her cheek. I see a little bruise on her skin.

"It was unintentional." Mark reply.

"It's her fault. Why she tried to stop me?"

"Because the problem won't be solve even if you hit him!" Jimin shouts more upset.

It's a mess right now and I confused, and Yerin still crying in my arms.

"Stop it!" Jaebum is standing too.

And like magic, Jackson's side and Jimin's side that just arguing one another got silent because of Jaebum's voice. This class become silent suddenly, just like when I just arrived. No voices heard except Yerin's sobbing that slowly become quieter.

"All of you back to your seat." Jaebum glaring at one of them and they listen.

Wow. That must be the reason why Jaebum chosen to be a class president.

"Jackson, hold your temper a little bit, can you? Do you think hitting can solve everything?" Jaebum glaring at Jackson and I see Jimin and other girls nodded their head agreeing Jaebum's words.

"And you Jimin, you no better than him, too. Can you calm yourselve too?"

"What? What did I do wrong?"

"And stop underestimating Jackson and the other boys like you're the smartest girl in this class." Jaebum hissed at her. "Actually all of you girls should stop it." He point out to Suzy and Ayeon too.

The girls put both of their hands in the air as the sign that they can't believe what they just heard.

"And you Youngjae. Can you just talk nicely and change your attitude? We all know who you are already so can you be cool a little about it?"

"I always silence until she annoyed me!" Youngjae defend himself and that makes Jackson and the others hissed annoyingly again. "You all just need to leave me alone."

"That's not how classmate works." Jaebum glare at him.

Youngjae smirking at Jaebum but not reply him anymore.

"And Yerin, can you please stop crying? I don't know what you want from him, but can you stop annoyed Youngjae and just leave him alone?"

Yerin try so hard to stop her crying. I pat her back for the last time and ask Youngjae to explain what happened.

That kid sigh deep once before finally speak out, "It's just... Yerin asked me to do something, that I don't want to and I told her about that already, but then she keep asked and forced me, and that was just so annoying."

I look at Yerin who now hold her tears, "He's right Saem. It's all my fault. I should stop forcing him the moment he rejected it. I didn't expect him to be this angry to me, I just... shocked." She looking down.

"What do you want him to do exactly?"

"Something... Saem. You don't have to know that." Youngjae speak even before Yerin can answer my question.

I see Suzy, Jimin, and Ayeon put both of their hands in the air hopelessly, shaking their heads like their tired of him.

I look at Youngjae longer, and he ended up looking down to his table to avoid my gaze.

"Then what about you, Jackson?" I asked Jackson but he just silent.

"He got angry because Youngjae screamed at Yerin, Saem." Yugyeom who sit in the front speak, explaining.

"He tried to hit Youngjae but Jimin was there between them to stop him." Jinyoung help explaining, "She got hit instead."

"I didn't mean to hit her Saem, I swear. My target is Youngjae." Finally Jackson speaks.

I sigh, "Guys. Take a deep breath once, right now." I count to three and force them to breathing deep. "Once again." Surprisingly they follow my instructions. "One more time."

I look at their faces closely, some of them even close their eyes to feel the relaxation atmosphere in them.

"Temper and violance never solve the problems. I know each one of you have your own reasons for why you feel angry to each other, but really, screaming, bad-mouthing, and hitting are not the only way to release your upset feeling. Maybe it makes yourself feeling better, but it's just temporary, it will put you to another problems after that. You'll lose your friends and their respect. You'll feel more upset later and you'll regret that. I know it's hard, but please try to control your anger, and think about the consequences before you do something bad to others. Think if you want to receive that same bad acts, think if you're in others' position. You don't want to be treated bad too, right? So, hold it in. Talk it out." I walk to the front of the class and see Jackson and Jimin's side put their head down.

Youngjae sitting with his back on the chair, staring at the space and drawn in his own thoughts, Jinyoung and Yugyeom looking at me with smiles on their faces and twinkling gazes on their eyes.

"Now, Yerin. You already realized your fault, what should you do to fix it, then?"

Yerin lift up her head and looking at me. "Apologize...?"

I nodded my head then let her do it. And she do it, she turn her body to Youngjae and say sorry to him, who just nodded his head once.

"Don't you think you have something to be apologized too, Youngjae?"

"No, Saem. It wasn't my fault. I won't screaming if she didn't bother me to begin with."

Jackson hissed annoyed again. "That's how annoying he is, Saem. I will never say sorry for a person like him. Never ever!"

"Stand up and bring your chair to the back, sit facing the walls for 15 minutes, Youngjae." I sigh and see Youngjae do what I told him to do. "You too, Jackson."

"What?!"

"Right now, no debating."

He shaking his head but then do as I told him.

"Sit right beside him, close to him."

"Ah, Saem." He turn his head to show me his disapproving look.

"Or I'll give you detention for a week." I threatening him and that works because he bring his chair closer to Youngjae then. "Think of what you did wrong. Think of where's the mistake come from your actions, and what should you two do to fix it. 15 minutes."

Then I look at Jimin, "Do you need to go to the clinic?"

"Can I, Saem?"

I nodded to her, "You can go with Jimin too, Yerin. Get back here soon." They leave the class and I continue to the last topic of our study. "Now open your textbook page 78."

I look at Jinyoung and Yugyeom who still keep their gaze on me with the same smile and twinkling eyes. I open my eyes bigger to them and that's when they finally open their book.

 

 

I hold Jaebum from leaving after class. I need to talk to him about what just happened, he must know more about it. So he keep sitting on his chair when the other kids start to leaving the class one by one. Yerin bow and say thanks to me and I feel her sincerity, gultiness, even hopeless. She must have mixed feelings regarding the scene she unintentionally created.

But I don't know, somehow I feel this class is mature enough to handle this, especially Jaebum. He may looks like he doesn't care about a single thing that happened in this class, but the truth is he's the one who knows everyone the best. Well, I'm gonna confirm it soon, if it's true or not.

"Saem, just Jaebum? Are you sure you don't need us too?" Mark tease me when he, BamBam, and Jackson walk to the door, intentionally choose the front door to walk out of the class, unlike what they always did, they used to go from the backdoor as it's the closer from where they seated, just for asking me that question.

"Jaebum is the class president, all of you can go home and starts to enjoy your friday night."

"I want to be a class president somehow." BamBam said out of the blue and Mark agreeing.

"Thank you, Saem. The punishment is kind of old style but sure it help me thinking deeply of what I did wrong." Like Yerin, Jackson is bowing too.

I smile to him, "It surely mature you. Remember to commit to what you promised just then."

He nodded his head and finally the three of them walking out of the door leaving only me and Jaebum in this class.

I walk to him, turn Jinyoung's seat to face him before I sit. "Tell me the detail."

"It's pretty much the same with what they explained earlier, Saem."

"Except the part that made Youngjae angry to Yerin. What exactly Yerin want from him that made him so mad? He always composed of himself, it must be something serious that he lost control like that."

Jaebum pout his lips and thinking. "Youngjae won't like it if I tell this to you, but just for a brief info, Youngjae is prohibited to doing music by his family, and it kind of serious because last year, a music teacher almost got fired for supporting him to participated in music festival."

"And that teacher is Sungjin Sonsaeng?"

"Oh? So you already knew about it."

"Yeah, Sungjin Sonsaeng warned me after he knew I'm teaching this class. So the thing Yerin want from Youngjae is related to performing?"

Jaebum nodded his head, "To be her duet partner in the upcoming festival."

I get silent for awhile to absorb the information I just got.

"Youngjae has a really nice voice, and Yerin think it's a waste to let it burried just like that, so she kind of persuade Youngjae to rethink his decision. But of course, Youngjae can't do anything. His family against it. He must be frustrated at himself already, and Yerin's action made it worse and finally he exploded."

"So Youngjae likes to do music?"

Jaebum give me a smile, "He falling in love with it. And he's good at it. Crazyly good."

I sigh, "It's a mess."

"Very."

We got silent for the next minutes, but I decides to call it a day, because there's really nothing we can do about it for now. Or for more accurate, I can't think of anything as an answer to this matter. This is really should be thinking carefully, it involves Youngjae's future. And I should talk to him alone first.

So I told Jaebum to go home. He offering help to bring some of my stuff to teacher's room, so I let him. When we step out of the classrom, I found a girl standing, like she's waiting someone. Her eyes twink in excitement when she see Jaebum walking behind me, and Jaebum staring at her confused.

"You still not done?"

"What are you doing?"

"Do you forget? You promise to go home together with me today."

"Is it today? Are you sure?"

"It's today."

Jaebum blinking a couple times before saying, "Just wait in the gate, then. I'll come after this."

Then he turn himself from the girl just like that without even bother to hear her answer.

"Give it to me, and go to her already." I said after we turn to another corridor.

"No need, Saem. She can wait."

"That's bad. Give it to me or I'll give you detention."

He hissed and growl in annoyance but do what I said in the end.

Maybe Jackson was right. Maybe Jaebum indeed is a womanizer.

 

 

"You wait long already?"

I turn my head and see Younghyun walk to me with his usual smile. We met more often these days, after he agreed to be private tutor for Suzy, Jimin, Yerin, and Ayeon.

I smile too, "Your bus left not long before you came."

"Oh. But why you still here? You waiting for me?" His smile got bigger.

"Wow, that confidence of yours."

He laugh.

"But no. I have to go somewhere else, I'll take another bus today."

He scanning myself somehow from head to toe.

"That's rude."

He laugh again, "Sorry. I think you should do much better than this for a date."

"I'm not going to date!" I reply him faster than I should, "And I just back from work what you'd expect?" I just going to do another therapy session with Hyerim, though.

He grins, "Not a date, huh?"

"No, unfortunately. How's your first tutoring yesterday? Are they lacking behind so much?" I asked other question just because I don't want to talk about dating because it keep reminding me of Jae somehow.

"Yes, I really should explain everything from the basic. But they're actually a fast learner, fortunately."

"They are fast learner?"

"Surprising, right? I took a note about what you said the other day, that they had a hard time to focus in class. But surprisingly, they learn and listen to me well."

I laugh a little then, "Of course, who's the teacher is matter for kids' nowadays."

"They listening well to you too, right? I got that vibe."

"What vibe?" I still smiling.

"That your relation with them is more like friends rather than teacher-student."

"And you're more like a father. I got that vibe."

"I'm still considered too young to be a father, though. It's more like hyung or oppa." He grins again.

"If you say that in front of Jimin and the others, they really gonna call you oppa."

"It's okay, outside school."

I laugh a little, "You'll regret it. Because that's kind of what I felt recently when my students call me noona when we met on the street."

He laugh a little too. "You're smiling a lot today, something nice must happened to you."

"I smile a lot everyday."

"You were not when we first met. You were gloomy back then."

"I don't smile that much to strangers."

"Wow. Glad to know that I'm not a stranger anymore."

I look at him longer than it should be, "We're neighbor. Of course you're not a stranger anymore."

"Ah, about that. I'm not greet you enough as a new residence. Come to my place next time? I'll cook something as a treat."

"You should invite the others too then. The one in front of your unit, and the one in front of my unit."

"I will. This weekend then? Call?"

I smile, "Sure, then."

-


	5. Chapter 5

 

_I see his face close on me the moment I open my eyes. He's looking at me all this time apparently, but he blink once when he see me wake up from my sleep, then a soft smile forms in his face. I feel his hand circling on my body, the tip of his fingers moving lazily on my back under my shirt in random pattern. No particular reason, I guess he just want to keep feeling me on his fingers._

_I smile then greet him a good morning quietly my voice come out just as a whisper. He just stare at me for awhile before widen his smile. And I got embarassed right away thinking about what just happened last night between us, we took another step in our relationship. I move myself to hide my face and he kind of get it so he take me to his embrace, put my head on his chest so that he can breath in my hair, kiss the top of my head._

_"How do you feel?" He asked finally._

_"Embarassed."_

_He laugh quietly, "Was it okay? Did I hurt you or anything? Made you uncomfortable or something like that?"_

_"It was amazing. Magnificent."_

_He groan hearing my answer._

_"It was amazing for me too." He said again after a long silence. "Thank you for trusting me, Yoreum. My summer Yoreum. Always gonna be my summer Yoreum."_

_I smiling hearing his typical nickname for me. "You've done it perfectly."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Uh hm."_

_"So there's a chance we'll do that again in the near future?"_

_I laugh, "Definitely."_

_"You drive me crazy, really."_

_I hug him tighter, feeling his warm skin once again on me._

_"What's your plan today?"_

_"Find a dress for the graduation ceremony with Hyerim. You?"_

_"Can we just stay here like this?"_

_"It's comfortable and that is such a pleasant suggestion, but no." I laugh, "I promised Hyerim. Do you need something?"_

_"You."_

_"My goodness, Jae." I laugh again._

_He is too, laughing. "No, I'm good. Just gonna wear anything my mom prepared for me."_

_"Your mom is the best, really."_

_"She is." Jae now playing with my hair and my neck skin, slowly giving me another shivering moment._

_"Breakfast?"_

_"Later."_

_I laugh again. "I think it's time to get up. I still need to go back to my place to clean up."_

_"Take a shower here."_

_"I still need to change. I love wearing your shirt but Hyerim will freak out if she see me in it."_

_"She won't tell, though. And yes, I love it too seeing you in my shirt, just like right now."_

_I lift up my head to smiling at him, caught him smiling alone too._

_"Just five more minutes, I promise. It's too good to break from this right now. Let me feel it a little bit longer."_

_"We can always feel it again later."_

_"Why later if I can have it now."_

_"Stubborn are you?"_

_"Like you don't know me yet."_

_I smile and kiss his neck. Soft. "I like you so much."_

_"But still not more than I like you."_

_"That's just you making an assumption on your own. There are proof already that I surpass you."_

_Jae laugh happily, "Yeah?"_

 

 

But the sound of his laugh get fade away little by little, it's getting more and more far away from me as I get back to my consciousness. I hear alarm sound instead of his laughing, take me back to reality completely, that it was just another dream of him.

-

 

"The one in your left hand is tastier."

Younghyun turn his head and smile to me, "Are you sure you're not having a thing for me? Aren't we met too often?"

"Wow, really that confidence of yours. This is the closest mart in the neighborhood, fyi."

Younghyun grins then putting the juice in his left hand to his cart.

We talk about some products after that, ended up strolling around the mart and completing the shopping list together. He offered me a ride too because he got a car, and I'm not the type who refuse this kind of nice offer.

"You have a nice car, why taking bus everyday to school?"

"To save the earth? Reduce pollution?"

We laugh, "You kidding me."

"To know the area better? I don't know, I just feel the need to know the neighborhood first." He glance, "Maybe I'll drive to school soon."

"You feel like you familiar already with this area?"

"Yeah, a little bit. You can join me. Should we start to go to school together tomorrow?"

I look at him in confuse whether he just asking that to be polite or he really mean it want to provide me a ride to school everyday.

"Too soon?" He smile because I still not answer his offer.

"Aren't you said that just to be polite?"

"Do I look like I said that just to be polite?"

"I don't know, I just met you not long ago, how am I supposed to tell?"

"Ah, is that so? Isn't it obvious?" He checking himself in the mirror, "What's wrong with my face, though?" He mumbling to himself.

"Are you sure it's not you who have a thing for me?"

He laughing, "I just offering a ride, though."

Is he blushing just now? Or am I just over confident with myself?

"Do you need any help preparing dinner for the welcoming party tonight?" I'm the master of casually changing topic.

"Welcoming party... right." He smile remembering about it, impressed by how smooth I change the conversation, "I think I can handle it alone, I'm a good cook, but I'll be grateful if you want to help."

"A good cook, huh?"

"Really. You'll be surprised later."

"I'm starting to have high expectation, you better not disappoint me later."

He smirk, "You don't know who you're warning."

Then we talk about a couple of dishes and I start to believe that he's a good cook. At least he know many kind of seasonings and it's function, and it surprises me. I never met a guy with this much knowledge about seasonings.

"Since when you start cooking?"

He pause a little, thinking. "Maybe since I start living alone...?"

Then he tell me his story about him leaving alone as a college student, and I respon him with nods and some little questions, but suddenly my attention is shifted to a man walking on the street. I following that man's figure until he pass by my window.

"Wait, can you pull over?"

"What?" Younghyun asked while moving the car to the side.

"I'm sorry, but please stop the car."

"Why? What's wrong?"

But I'm not answering him, I look at my back instead to keep my sight to the man who still walking in steady steps. He wear a black hoodie covering his head, ripped jeans, walking straight up front not bothering his surrounding at all.

I get off as soon as the car stop and walking fast to that man, leaving confuse Younghyun and his question behind. My eyes focusing on the black hoodie figure walking far in front of me while my feet walking fast and my body trying to avoid bumping into people who walking from the opposite side.

The man I chase turn right to the building and I nearly run for not losing him. But I stop  immidiately when I finally arrived in front of the building. I see a glass door beside the stairs down to the ground then I have a hunch that he wasn't go inside the building, he was walking down to the underground. I try to look what's there below but it's dark. I think I see some silhouettes of people going back and forth, many of them.

"What? You want to go down there?"

I turn my head to Younghyun who just arrived, a little breathless because of the running he suddenly did.

"Right, you're with me. Of course we're going down there." I smile then start stepping down the stairs.

"You serious? It looks creepy. I'm not bad at fighting but if there's many of them, I don't think I can protect you."

"Who says you're going to fight, though?"

"That's a point, what are we doing exactly?"

I don't know too, but didn't voice that out, I keep walking instead. Now I following the corridor until I see a spacious room in front of me, the lights are dim, and there's people lining up. Suddenly, my surrounding is full of people's chattering here and there. I scan their appearances fast, they look like a college students, some of them looks a lot older, but all of them smiling excitingly. Younghyun clearly is not going to fight.

Me and Younghyun lining up and I try to understand as much as possible about what they're talking about right now.

"It must be them." Younghyun makes me turn my head to the poster on the wall he pointing with his finger.

"ARS?"

"Looks like they lining up to see the band."

Our queue moving up so fast we're already in front of the guard as we both wondering what kind of band ARS is that makes many people gather here excitedly for them.

"ID?"

"Oh? I didn't bring it with me though." I take a glance at Younghyun.

"We're absolutely adult, our faces tell it all, right?"

The guard sighing boringly, "You know the price then." He tilt his head to another poster glued on the wall, showing the amount of money we should pay to get in.

I smile then give him what he want before he let us pass through him.

We walk some more in almost dark corridor until I hear a loud sound of music banging from a room. We get in and suddenly our eardrum got welcomed by rock music. The room is almost filled up and people already screaming crazily for the band, jumping up and down, forgetting the fact that we're underground right now.

"Tell me if you see a high school boy with ripped jeans and black hoodie covering up his head!" I scream to Younghyun trying to beat this blaring music, my eyes still wandering around the room looking at people's faces one by one.

"Do you mean that guy? Is he a high schooler?"

I turn my head to Younghyun who pointing his finger to the stage. I move my sight right away to the stage and see the one I'm looking for, the one I keep chasing, who ended up bring me here right now.

"Right." I scanning him.

It's really Youngjae. Choi Youngjae from class 2A. He still got his hoodie all over his head, a hat added inside the hoodie to covering more of his face. I barely see his face, but I'm sure enough. It's Youngjae.

So Jaebum was right. Youngjae loves music, so much I clearly see it right now. The way he enjoying himself on stage, how he pour out everything inside of him through his singing, how his smile seen despite his effort to hide his face, how he jump excitingly and hyped up the crowd, I see it. He's serious. And his voice is good, he can pull off from rock genre to ballad. He got so immersed too in each song he performed, conveyed the lyrics and emotion of a song perfectly. Touching everyone's hearts just in the right amount.

"Unfortunately, ARS can't stay long today, guys. But thank you for coming here despite your busy schedule. He left with one more song for us." Said the guitarist, followed by dissapoint screams from the crowd.

"Right, thank you so much for coming here. I always feel sorry that I never make myself stay long here, but you always come whenever I announced about me performing, so thank you so much for that." Youngjae, or ARS, laughing and bowing to thank all the people. "I'll leave after the next song but my friends here will be stay longer to accompany you welcoming the great weekeeend!" He screaming.

The crowd screaming too, hands in the air.

"SO GIVE ME YOUR ALL FOR THE NEXT SONG!" Youngjae count to three then the music start to play again in more exciting way that everyone jumping up and down even more.

"He's good." Younghyun said to my ear.

I nodded my head and once again got immersed in his performance.

By the time he finish singing, some people at the front gather around the stairs, trying to get closer to Youngjae to give him their last energy for him. I see him stepping down the stage in the middle of their cheering.

"Let's go, he'll come out. Wait him outside." Younghyun grip my elbow and we walk outside.

I blinking my eyes many times to adjust, because I finally see the sun again.

 

We ended up sitting in one of the cafe at this street, me and Youngjae. Younghyun excuses himself to park his car properly but promised to join us in a bit. He can go first, though I don't know why he want to join us, I just want to talk a little bit with Youngjae.

And Youngjae is still kind of surprised to found me standing outside that building, and got even more surprised when I said I enjoyed his performance just then. His eyes blinking rapidly even now, and I feel that he's still thinking about something, I sense his nervousness and frightness too.

"Pelase don't tell about this to anyone, Saem. Especially to my parents." He pleaded me with his eyes, still radiating panic.

I take a sigh, "Until when?"

He give me a questioning look.

"Are you satisfied with this? Performing in secret like this?"

He got silent and looking down his head.

"I saw you're so much alive up there on stage, really opposite from your usual self at school. I saw you smiling too, wide. I never see that at school, I barely see your emotions at school."

Younghyun arrived and sit beside me right away, adjusting himself fast to this serious atmosphere.

"My parents never allow me to do music, Saem. They're serious about it. A music teacher almost got fired because of me last year. If they know I still doing this, they really gonna fired that teacher." He look at me dead serious. "There might be no music class again at school."

"But you said you want to do things that you wanted to do, not things that other people want you to do."

"I never said that." He staring at me with unsureness.

"I saw it on your notebook. Somehow." I feel Younghyun is starting to understand where is this thing going because he just nodded his head to himself.

Youngjae once again looking down, sighing deep. "I'm hopeless..."

I started to think, and somehow I found a way to make him get out of this situation, a dangerous one.

"Are you really that desperate to doing music?" Younghyun voice out his curiousity suddenly.

"I think I can't live without it." Youngjae staring at Younghyun with full of determination.

"Well, you have a nice voice and you definitely have your place already in this field, many people gather to see you even just for a brief moment." Said Younghyun again.

I brace myself to suggesting something that might be dangerous for him. I really can't think of any other way than this. This idea might become a boomerang for him later but I think it's worth to try.

"Do you want to get out from this situation, Youngjae? Do you really want to do music confidently without hiding like this?"

"Hell Saem, I always want that, every single time. I want to show myself to the world, let them hear what I want to say through my music." Youngjae's eyes sparkling, "But I'm at the dead end already. There's no way I can do that."

"How about challenge your parents? Direct confrontation, all or nothing."

Youngjae frown his forehead, not understand what I mean by that, but Younghyun turn his head to me asking, "Are you serious? Have you think about the worst scenario?"

I give Younghyun an unsure look. I don't know what I'm doing either, actually. But I feel Youngjae's frustrated feeling, at least he got to try something.

"Wait, I don't understand."

I'm looking back at Youngjae, trying to change my face to be more confident. "Propose to them to let you do both study and music. Prove them that you can keep your academic grades good while doing music. If your grades and your ranking fall down, promise them that you'll stop doing music completely to focus only on your study. Confront them. Make them believe you're capable of doing both, get their trust."

"That's kind of cruel." Younghyun sighing softly and shaking his head left and right.

Youngjae got silent. He's thinking about it.

"You should have confident in yourself. Your grades are excellent all this time, you just need to maintain it to stay like that while you doing music openly."

"I understand your point, Saem. I just..."

"Do you want me to talk them?"

"No, Saem. If someone has to tell them regarding this, it should be me, myself."

"It's okay if it's not you, Youngjae. It's okay to let adult solve your worries sometimes."

"No, you might loose your job Saem, just like it almost happened to Sungjin Sonsaengnim last year. And you'll get hurt." He staring at me worriedly. "I'll think about it seriously Saem, and I'll be the one who ask them about this. Thank you for your advice."

"I want to help you."

"I know, thank you for your concern. You're the only teacher that brave enough to saying that kind of solution for my dream." Youngjae smile, "But I should gather all of my confidence first."

"And you need to prepare for the worst scenario too. To really leaving music if you failed. You must be ready anytime." Younghyun look at him, piercing his eyes.

"I believe in you. Your grades never failed all this time, I believe you can do it perfectly." I smile to them both.

And with that, finally Youngjae smiling too. He thank me once again before he finally excuse himself from here. Younghyun offering him a ride but he politely reject it, saying he actually got his ride waiting at the academy. We partying in front of the cafe then.

Now I'm walking beside Younghyun to the parking lot in silence. I still thinking about what I just did, wondering if my advice will be fruity later or plot twist, become another disaster and a whole new problem for Youngjae. Suddenly fear filling me up.

"You're so cool back there." Younghyun said with both of his hands in his pockets.

"Now I'm nervous that it might turn bad later."

"You're so confident in front of him, why nervous now?"

"I just realized I put him in the edge of the cliff if he really take my advice. Who knows? I might ruin someone's future later. What if he fall miserably?"

Younghyun smile, "Then that's the time to play your role properly as his teacher. Well, it should be his parents' role though, but since we can't count on them, it's you who have to be his safety net. To be there when he fall."

Wow, words. He got it with him.

"But have a faith first, Yoreum Sonsaeng. You said you believe in him, don't step back now. He need your support." We arrived at his car and he open the front door for me.

I questioning him with my eyes because of the act, but he just lift up his right eyebrow and nodding his head. I get inside, he close the door right away and run a little to the other door. I blinking my eyes at how naturally he just did that to me. It feels such a long time since the last time a guy open up the door for me, show caring to me like that.

It might be nothing for him, though. It might be just manner for him, I shouldn't make this a big deal.

"You still owe me a hand to prepare dinner."

I groan, "Right, I almost forget about that."

"And because you stole the time..." He look at his watch on his wrist, "...we should start right away after we got home. I can't disappoint the other guests and give them a bad first impression."

"Right, you have reputation to maintain."

"Right." He laugh and the car moves.

-

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

"So, you're actually friends with Hyerim, for a long time." Younghyun state a fact after sipping his beer in a long gulp.

We ended up drinking alone after successully wrapped up his welcoming party with Hyerim and other residence in this floor named Dowoon. I helped him with the dishes and he offered a beer as a thankful gift. How thoughtful. A beer after completing hard works is perfect. And socialize is a hard work. But everything's turn out fine. Hyerim is a psychiatrist, so it wasn't a problem for her to be socialized. And Dowoon, a guy lived in front of Younghyun unit is surprisingly fun too. I met him a couple of times, but all we did all this time was just giving a casual greeting and smile as we go outside the apartment. Thanks to Younghyun who brought this event that all residences in this floor can finally knowing each other. We agreed to creates more family vibes in this place.

"I first met her in college, we're unbreakable since then." I laugh a little remembered those old times when we both still know nothing about life, then I sip my beer. Such an old good innocent times.

Younghyun make a really fresh sound after take another sip of his beer. I smile unknowingly. It's comfortable. We're sitting on the carpet in his living room side by side, not bothering the sofa. It's been a long time since I hang out with a guy alone and feeling comfortable like this. I strangely feel familiar to him already.

Is it because we're together almost all day today?

"So she's going to get married soon, what about you? Are you gonna suddenly give me a wedding invitation too?" Of all questions he can ask, why he asked that kind of question though?

"I'm not as lucky as her." I smirk, pitying myself and my eyes start wondering into space.

"What? Still have an 'unresolved past love story'?"

I'm thinking for awhile, "To be more accurate, it's 'unfinished first love story'." Wow, a miracle I can admitted it now.

"Ah, first love's hard."

"I..." I contemplating about telling him my story but then he look at me and nodded his head, making sure that he's okay listening to that.

I take a deep sigh, "I was with him for a really long time, did all my first time with him. There's too many first time I did with him that I can't just redo it with other guy. Even think about doing it with other guy feels wrong." I turn my head to him and silent for awhile, "I think I never gonna be fully move on from him."

Younghyun get silent and just staring at me, somehow the atmosphere is turn kind of awkward, so I snap myself to think straight again.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell you that." I turn away, back to a wondering-into-space state. I take a sip of my beer again.

"Have you try?" Younghyun asked after awhile. He put his beer can on the table.

I shaking my head left and right, "No. It was only him all this time." I answered without looking at him.

I feel him shifted from his seat to get closer to me, then he take the can from my hand and put it on the table too beside his. I still not moving my head, somehow I sense what he's going to do but I don't quiet sure if I sensed it right, and I don't know how to react, so I just freeze at my place. Still staring into space.

"You can try it with me." He said softly near my left ear, and it send a goosebump all over me just right away.

I finally turn my head to him and we're staring. Until he move his head closer to me and makes me close my eyes in fear, just before he touch his lips to mine. A hard heartbeat, shiver, a flinch on my heart and forehead, a sudden deep frowning, the feeling to step back and run away, all comes together, along with the frightening feeling.  Most is frightening. What should I do? My mind starts to panic.

Watching him staring at me when he pull off, we ended up looking at each other for long silent moment to process what just happened in each other's brain, until I see a more determined look in his eyes. He take my face in his hand, shifting his body even more, tilting his head even more, then kiss me once again.

Deeper.

 _Try_. My inner self told me.

 _Try, Yoreum._ Hyerim told me.

I close my eyes shuts once again and finally let myself drown for the kiss, trying to relax myself, trying really hard to moving my lips. I kiss him back. Hesitantly, still with the same frightening feeling I think my fingers are numb right now.

Seems like he sense all of my fears, so he take it slow. He kiss me slowly, letting myself adjust slowly to his kiss. But after he feel me kiss him back once again, he take it deeper, harder. Little by little. He starts to sucking on it, gripping my face a little more steadier. He tilted his head more, kiss me more, suck me more until I finally open up my mouth to feel him deeper, more. My hands rest on his shoulder unknowingly.

We kiss long.

It surely different from Jae's kisses that I remember, not better or worse, it's just different and I still can't process it to really explain it. It's dizzy.

We're both out of breath when we finally pull off of each other, staring awkwardly to each other, panting for air, blushing, confuse but try to be composed.

"You're completely fine kissing other guy." He said in the middle of his painting and this awkward staring.

I don't know how to answered him, actually. I confused and I just can't believe myself for what I just did. It just happened, with him.

"Let's just try everything. I'll help you moving on from him."

I'm gulping, "What if it doesn't work?" I whisper, more frighten.

"You need to trust me, and try to open up yourself."

"But what if it still doesn't work?"

"I'll leave, no strings attached. All or nothing, direct confrontation. All decisions on you." He is fully determined.

"Why you do this? What do you wish you'll get from this?"

"Because just like you, I need it too, that courage to try it with someone else. I wish I can moving on too."

-

  
"Stop coming to him, can you?!"

"What?! You're the one who should stop disturbing him!"

"Shut up, your friend should know her place before she speaks, really! They were going back home together, isn't that explain everything to you?"

"What? Everyone can going back home together, what's the big deal of that? He made promise with me!"

"What kind of promise?"

"To go out together soon!"

"But it's not happening until now, isn't it? When was he made promise with you? Last semester? And you still hoping for that?"

"What? We're planning it!!"

"Stop getting delusional!"

"You're the one who should step back! He's mine!"

"What?"

My head hurts.

"SILENT!!"

Finally everyone stop talking. There are girls lining up in front of me, 6 girls facing each other, still radiating anger and annoyance to one another, and there are 3 boys lining up two steps beside them, looking bored hoping this thing over already.

I sigh and looking at the boys line while Seulong Sonsaeng starts to interrogate the girls regarding the fight they just did. Their appearances really doesn't look good right now, their uniforms are messing just like their hair, caused by the intense hair pulling war between them.

My eyes meet Jaebum's who standing in front of the boys line, looking as mess as the girls. He got some kind of green liquid on his uniform and a little in his hair too. What is that though? Avocado juice? Seems like he just got splash from one of the girls. His hair is messy too. And there's some scratches on his face.

"Let's just find out about it then! Hey Im Jaebum!" Seulong Sonsaeng call him makes him turn his head to the teacher. "Who is your girlfriend among them, actually?"

I sigh after hearing that ridiculous question.

"None of them. I don't have a girlfriend."

"HEY!!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!"

The girls' voices heard again overlapping each other, makes me frowning my forehead annoyingly, everyone except the girls are doing the same. Seulong Sonsaeng then makes them silence again with more annoyance in his voice. What's with the girls nowadays? Where's the play of hard to get? Why are they so easy for Jaebum like that?

"Explain to them." He instructed Jaebum.

"Well... I don't interested in any one of you. I just following what you want in exchange for your help to do my homework. I never promised anything to you, it's you who forced me to do things."

"What a jerk." A girl voicing out my thought, finally. She's the one I saw in front of the class waiting for Jaebum to go home together days ago.

"Alright, Saem. I apologize for making this kind of commotion in the middle of hot day like this. I'm done, it was my fault. It such a waste of time!" She admitted her fault.

"Right, that's the right attitude. You should admit it earlier." The other girl reply.

"And you still hoping for a guy like him? Really? Take him then! I don't want him anymore he's such a jerk!" She give Jaebum a blazzing glare. "Can I go back, Saem?" She asked Seulong Sonsaeng.

Seulong Sonsaeng give a sign to a teacher beside me, that girl leaving this field with their homeclass teacher along with 2 others. The rest of them leaving after one final words from Seulong Sonsaeng who warned them for not doing this kind of fight again in the future, they're leaving with their homeclass teacher too, along with the boys who standing behind Jaebum.

"And you. This is already the 3rd times, can you just make up your mind and date someone? At least with that, they'll stop to chase you like some stupid teenager."

Jaebum smile in disbelieve, "Dating someone when I'm not even like her? What's the point of the action, then?"

"Then stop giving hopes here and there! Act properly! And what? For helping you doing your homework? You're asking for a detention, aren't you?" Seulong Sonsaeng trying to not lose himself because of annoyance. "And your homeclass teacher never show up when this kind of thing happen!" He put both hands in the air, hopeless.

"I'll take care of him." I say unknowingly.

"Take care? Handle is more fit in this case."

"Right, I'll handle him."

"He deserves at least 3 days of detention!" Seulong give me a look before shaking his head and leaving us.

"Follow me." Me too, giving Jaebum an intense glare before walking towards the building.

 

"Ah, the smell..." Jaebum mumbling after finish cleaning up the green liquid from his hair and uniform. He did his best to get rid of it, but the stain and the smell still there.

I told him to sit in one of the chair in this empty music room. This is the first room that I found empty after I took a medical kit from the clinic.

There are scratches in his face, one in his temple just above his left eyebrow, one more in his left cheek. I start with the one in his cheek, cleaning the blood on it with an alcohol and he hissed because of that.

"Hurt? Imagine how much the girls hurt because of your ambiguous acts."

"What in the world I do wrong, exactly? They're the one who approached me, offered me a help with my homework. Of course I'm glad with that so I let them did it, but then they started to demand many things from me. Like dating, going home together, lunch together. They're the one who got delusion, I'm not interested in that kind of things." Jaebum let out all of his frustrations.

"Just reject them from the start, then."

"But they're doing good job finishing my homework."

I press the cotton hard to the second wound, make him scream in pain because of my sudden violence.

"You deserves these scratches. You deserves more than this, actually." I sigh and start to paste a band aid to the wound. "What's so great about you though? Why they all chasing you like that?"

"That's what I don't understand too. Why so great about me? I treat them bad, though. But why they never stop coming to me? It's like they take turns to challenge me."

"Have you ever consider Seulong Sonsaeng's advice? Date someone to make this competition-to-get-you to stop?"

"Do you think they will stop if I date someone, Saem?"

"Well, it looks like it. Who knows?"

We look at each other.

"There's no one I interested anyway, Saem." He said it trying to look nonchalant.

But I caught his lying. There is someone. But I don't want to interfere, I failed my own love life, I shouldn't get my hands dirty in someone else's love life.

"Change your attitude is the only way then. Don't give them hope even a little bit, then. And do your own homework! You won't be in that situation in the first place if you do your homework yourself."

He got silent.

"You're not answer me?"

"Yes, Saem. I'll try to do my own homework."

He answered, but I don't think he's serious to try. Why though?

"Three days of detention after school."

"What? Whyyy?" He whining.

"I don't feel your sincerity."

He chuckled. "Honestly Saem, I need more time to do... other things, so their offers to do my homework really help me to keep up with school. So I do it, again and again. Accept their offer again and again. I just feel kind of... annoyed when they started demand something more."

"More time to do other things? What kind of oher things? Is that more important than school?"

"It's my future."

I frowning. "What is it?"

Then he tell me everything, that he is a trainee right now in a big company. He winning the agency's audition last holiday, he has been a trainee to become an idol for almost 3 months. Thus, he always go to the practice room after school, completing the monthly evaluation given by the trainer to progressing his dance and singing skill. That's why he almost use his time beside school for practicing, and using those girls' attention to help him doing his homework.

I am so done I can just sighing long and deep.

"Instead of promise to doing my homework myself, I promise to not let this kind of thing happen again. Please Saem, give me some... generous consideration."

"And what if it happen again?"

He got silent, thinking. "Another detention...?"

"Ay, that's weak."

He pout his lips, "What should I do, then?"

"If this kind of thing happen again, date one of the girl who involves."

"Then who will doing my homework?"

I shrug my shoulders up.

"Wah, I can't believe that you're this type of teacher."

"You just need to not let this happen again." I'm waiting his answer for the last time.

He sigh then shaking my hand, saying 'deal' then we walking back to class.

-

 

_Jae looking at me waiting, both of his hands up in the air holding his jacket above his head._

_"You'll get sick right away. Remember the last time you forced yourself running in the rain for not getting late to class? It wasn't even the actual pouring rain but you got sick the day after. Imagine what will happen if you really do that again right now? It's raining hard." I move my hands to the road to make him see that the rain is no joke right now._

_"I'll do it alone if you don't want it." He take one step forward but I hold his elbow right away._

_He's so stubborn and I just sighing._

_"It'll be fun."_

_I move closer to him until I'm under his jacket. I lift up my head to see him smiling at me._

_"Are you ready?" His one eyebrow lift up._

_"Wait, how fast should I run? We should match it first."_

_"I'll follow your pace, just run as you like." He move down his hand a little bit until it circling on my shoulder, hugging me. "3, 2, 1, go!"_

_Then I run, under the rain. Literally. Clothes getting soak little by little as we keep running to his place. Jae is screaming excitingly though despite the loud sound of the rain. If someone sees us right now, they must think we're crazy kids being reckless with life._

_But just like it can't get crazier, Jae stops suddenly leaving me running alone. I sigh again before turn myself to him, who now looking at the sky still with smile on his face. He get rid of his jacket from his head, letting the rain fall on his face._

_We're soaked really bad I feel my shirt glued on my every skin._

_"Jae? Hello? Are you still in your right mind?" I walk to him nearly shout to defeat the sound of the rain, and his expression become more free, like a happy child. Worry-free._

_"The sky looks beautiful eventhough it's raining. Is it the sky's happy cry? Have you ever try to dancing in the rain?" He asked with his face still up to the sky, his eyes now close to feeling the rain even more on him. He's so random, good lord please giving back his sanity._

_"No. And don't ever think about it, you can't even dance."_

_His eyes open right when I'm in front of him. "Let's try." He take my hand, take one step backwards until our hands strecth a little bit, then he lift it up above my head as he pull me and move my body until I make a full turn._

_In the end, I smile because of that ridiculuous action. He seems enjoying it so he do it again for a couple more. After that he move his body randomly, jumping up and down excitingly, then circle around me makes me spin my body following his._

_I laughing in the end. We both laughing, spinning while holding each other hands, like those tacky couple. But I'm happy. I follow him, loosing myself and it's the best feeling ever. Like we're free, like we don't have any responsibilities waiting ahead of us._

_Jae slows his moves until we stop and end up staring to each other, smiling. He touch my cheeks looking intensely at me, and without speak anything, he kiss me. I still smiling in our kisses but then it got so intense that I put my hands on his neck, hugging his wet body. He do the same then I loose myself once again for him. Our bodies press to each other, rain still pouring on us, we already soaking wet. The sound of rain now is like a beautiful melody in my ear, and I don't want this to stop. I never thought that kissing under the rain could be this magical. Or is it the fact that I'm doing it with him?_

_I'm shivering._

_"I..." Jae said after we pull off._

_I'm gulping._

_"Let's do this for a long time, with me." He said again after pause to sort his words on his mind._

_"Do what?"_

_"Being in relationship."_

_"That depends on your attitude." I smile teasing him._

_"I'll be a fool for you. I'll do everything, just..." His eyes blinking can't really find a fitting words._

_I looking at him, scanning his wet face, wet hair, his eyes radiating unlimited affection._

_"Promise me that... If you feel like you want to get away from me later in the future, or if you feel like you bored with me, promise me that you'll think about it first, think about it twice, thrice, hundred times more before you come to decision to leave me. Think about this moment, think about why you doing this with me in the first place. Don't ever give up on me that easy."_

_My heart beating fast. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard from someone._

_"The same rule applies for you." I touch his wet hair on his forehead, moving it to the side. "Why you always think I'll leave you first? It can be you who bored with me first." I tip toe to kiss his forehead. Jae notice it so he move down his head for me._

_"I never will. Trust me, I never will."_

_He kiss my lips once again, deeper. Until we're out of breath._

 

I am out of breath. I open my eyes and my heart feels like running hard, I panting and out of breath. I feel like I can feel the rain all over my skin. But of course, it just another dream of him. It feels so real, but I completely dry right now, and alone in the darkness.

Whatever things I agreed to do with Younghyun yesterday I hope it will work, because I'm tormented right now. All these dreams about Jae is drawning me, tortured me, taking out my energy, I should really get away from this.

-


	7. Chapter 7

 

"You're thinking..." Younghyun said between our kisses, "...of him."

I try not to frown my forehead and focus on his kisses but he's right. I'm thinking of him right now, of how Jae used to kiss me, of how we used to chill like this on friday night before he got too busy with his work.

I open my eyes when Younghyun move his kisses to my other skin, on my neck.

"So tell me, when you said that you want to moving on too, is that mean only in..." He's back to kissing my lips, "...sexual... part?"

He stops to looking at me.

"Because if that's the case, it's not gonna work. I still dream about him even after all this kissing."

"Actually, I don't know too. I don't know where to start." We got silent and not moving from our position, him on top of me. "One thing for sure, your body is reacting." He caress his finger on my waist under my shirt, let our skin meet.

"That's... biological..."

Younghyun smile then get up from his position to sit. "So it's too soon?"

I nodded my head.

"Guess we just need to take it slowly, then."

"Agree."

"So just sleep for tonight?"

"Actually... I can just sleep at my own bed."

"Okay, then. I'll walk you home." He get off from bed and watching me watching him in confused. "I'll follow your pace." He shrugs his shoulders.

_I'll follow your pace, just run as you like._

I shut my eyes close right away because it feels like I can hear Jae saying that in front of me. I almost cursed because of that.

"Something's wrong?"

"I don't know." I open my eyes again, "I need to go home, I want to be alone for awhile."

He nodded his head again and give his hand to me. I take it after staring at it for a full second, then we walking close to each other to my house, which is just right beside his.

"Touchy, are you?"

"Mm hm, I like skinship so much." He said it proudly, without a single embarassment. "It's just my way to get use to you."

I press the password, the door open and finally Younghyun pull off my hand of his. I turn myself to look at him but I don't know what to say. It's still kind of awkward but at the same time, he feels so familiar. It's not even a week after he first kissed me and proposed to help me, but somehow it feels like I already doing it for weeks with him.

"After we got use to each other, I hope it become easier for you and me to really moving on from the past."

"But we can take it slowly. I'm not going anywhere, you're not... are you need to go somewhere in the near time?"

"No." He smile while shaking his head. "So yeah, we can take it slow." He stare right into me, "So that you can stop dreaming of him. So that I can stop comparing you to her."

I nodded my head, "Deal, then."

He smile then give me his last kiss on my lips before finally letting me go.

I sigh deep after I'm alone in my room. Is this right? Is this really the right way to do it? Am I go too far? Should I just stop and cancel all of our deal? What's the point to try liking each other if we still have feelings for our exes, really? Is this just some kind of short runaway to denying everything? Denying the truth that we still hoping a second chance from our exes?

My head hurts, I need to sleep, but I'm afraid that if I sleep, I'll be dreaming of Jae again. Just like I always do.

But sleep, I am, in the end.

  
-

  
_**-Younghyun's PoV-**_

I'm using her. I calculated everything and just using her for my own purpose. Moving on from my ex? Hell no. I want Sohee back so I'm using her.

It was all started around 8 months ago, when Sohee started acting weird to me. She always like that, actually. She's the girl who got easily fall for a guy, and she met her new boss, the almost perfect new boss, Jae. Ever since then, her attention shifted from me to him, slowly, but I sensed it because it wasn't the first time it happened to her. I knew her pattern, I learned about it and I mastered it already.

She's such a bad girl. We never really break up, hell we never really dating either. Formally. But she always there for me like I always there for her. We grew in the same neighborhood and we kind of bond to each other already, since we were kids. Never be official, but we did all things a couple do. There were happy times when we really treated each other like soulmate, but there were more times that she distracted by guys who more handsome, more perfect, more financially-stable than me, guys that closer to her ideal type than me. But she always back to me. In the end, she always looking for me again, treat me with love again, that's why she is such a bad girl.

And I'm a fool for her, can't get out of this feeling of wanting her. Because yes, I always want her. We've been together for like forever, going through ups and downs of our lives together, understanding each other even without words needed, and I like her companion. As simple as that, and I already made my choice. I want to protect her as much as she treasure my presence in her life.

But she's being distracted too long this time. It's already the time she come back to me, but she's not even get a taste of Jae a little bit. She made that guy break up with his girl, but he never move from his position, never give her what she want from him: attention, affection, caring, and acceptance. Jae never let her in his life, not even once. He still treat her just as his secretary, never more than that. I'm thankful for that, but that makes her even more curious of him. She used to get what she wants, and Jae just challenge her in the best way possible.

But I miss her so much. She's gone too long I miss her attention and careness and everything about her. That's why I started to collect information about Jae's girl. I know that guy still want that girl, that's the only reason why he still not interested in Sohee yet. He must be really love his girl so much. When I know Yoreum is a teacher in the same school as me, well not literally same school because she's teaching in high school while I'm in middle school, I started to form a plan. A simple yet dangerous plan: using her to make Sohee jealous and maybe trigger Jae to do something to get Yoreum back and close any chance for Sohee to get in his life.

Seems like it has progress already.

"You're seeing a girl?" Sohee asked, showing a hairband she found under the pillow on my bed. That is clearly a perfect girly thing to be found in an affair. Eventhough I'm not sure if it can be called an affair when we're not truly in relationship.

I just glance at her, acting like I'm unbothered, keep my focus on students' papers I need to grade instead. "Just a couple of neighbors, to be polite as a new residence."

"I'm not stupid, Younghyun. This girl must be at least sit on your bed for this thing to be left there." She put the hairband on the table just beside a stack of grade A papers, her perfume invade my nose when she standing close beside me.

It smells like home and I miss it so much.

"She's pretty?" She asked while walking away from me to sit on the sofa in front of my desk.

"I thought you have some meeting you should prepare, what are you doing here?"

"It got canceled. Jae is not in a mood. Again. He's getting worse day by day, really."

"But you still want him?"

She smiles. "Are you start to feel jealous?" She put her chin on sofa hand, smiling at me.

I sigh, "For what? You can't leave me anyway, feeling jealous is a waste of time." I turn my face away from her, back to my papers.

"Right." She sighing then move her body to lay down on the sofa, her head on the sofa hand. "He's loyal. How can he still think his girl is gonna back again to him? And what? Visiting their favorite cafe every month just like they always did to celebrate their anniversary? Always ordered her favorite cake just to be left there on the table without he even touch it? Is he that desperate for her, really?"

"He loves her and you ruin it."

She laugh a little, "Me? It wasn't me, it was his work and his busy-ness. The girl was lonely and she couldn't bear it, I just triggered her a little bit."

"And you still not done?"

There's a long silence before she finally answer, "I don't get it. Why he doesn't waver? I gave him all my attention, I comforted him, I took care of him, but why he doesn't even notice me?"

I want her to stop, really. I want her to do all those things to me instead.

"It's time for him to forget her completely, but he still doing that ridiculous tradition on their anniversary, which supposed to no longer exist. It's like he trapped. Is his ex that great, though? What did they've been through in the past? Is that so precious that he still can't move on?"

I close my eyes trying to hold my anger, then sighing deep. "Love, Sohee... is something hard to understand. It's not that you can rationalize it with logic and theories."

"Love...?" She asked in a wondering state. "Love...?" She asked again. "There's not a thing like that. People change, a bound between people surely will break someday. It's inevitable."

"But because people change, there's rebound as well. To once again bounding, whether it's with new person or the previous one."

She lift up herself to looking at me intensely, but didn't say anything anymore.

-

 

_"So?"_

_"It was ridiculous." Jae said annoyed after he did self-reflection-punishment I forced him to do: sit facing the wall to thinking about acts he did wrong and what he should do to fix it._

_I open my mouth to speak my disappointment but he cut me right away._

_"But," he sigh, "I realize that I was wrong." He avoid my eyes, looking at anything except me._

_"And what did you do wrong?"_

_"I lied to you about me being sick just to make you come here meet me and spend a day with me while you have to finish those important assignment with your team."_

_I smile, "And...?"_

_He gulping, avoiding my eyes again, "And I won't do that childish act again." He pout his lips. "Well I'll try." He mumbling secretly._

_He's so cute that my anger and disappointment for him just distuingish instantly. I form a bigger smile._

_"Listen, Jae." I take his hand and finally he looking at me. "He's just a friend. No, he's not even close to that, he's just a partner for this assignment."_

_"I know, it's just... I look at his face and written 'I like your girl' there." He move his free hand in front of his forehead._

_I try my best to hold my laugh._

_"Don't laugh, this is serious, and it's not just  about my insecurities."_

_"Alright, I'm sorry. But this assignment is important for me and for the rest of the team. Our final grade is depend on this last assignment, and what you just did... is obstruct us to finish it, we don't have much time left until the deadline and we still have so much to do. We have to redo our teaching simulation all over again because some errors we faced earlier and we still have to calculate the result after that, and we still have to make sure that the implementation of teaching method we did doesn't affect..."_

_"Okay, I'm sorry." He cuts my sentences again because he understand clearly what I'm about to explain to him. He heard all about it already, I explain to him once, so he knew all the steps I should take to be able to finish this assignment. "I'll let you working it out longer with them in the next meeting as a compensation for today's cancellation."_

_I look at him, trying to make him feel my affection. I think I love him already, it's scary and beautiful at the same time._

_"I try to finish it fast so that it won't ruin our summer plan, I promise."_

_"It's okay, take your time. I'm sorry, this is important to you, I shouldn't have to be that childish. Do your best, check it once, twice, before you guys sure about it, you can finish it as long as you want, to get a perfect result. I'm sorry. We can always reschedule our summer plan, I'm totally fine if we ended up spending all summer just laying to each other watching Netflix at your place. As long as I'm with you."_

_I'm smiling, scanning his face, "Since when you become this sweet and considerate and mature?"_

_"Wow, I just act childish but you call me mature. You've fallen for me already, haven't you?"_

_I move to sit closer to him, "He is surely got nothing on you, Park Jaehyung. He's not even close, don't you ever think I'll ditch you for him ever again."_

_Finally he is smiling. "Hug me then?"_

_I open both of my arms and he throw himself to me._

_"So how you want me to spend the rest of today with you now?"_

_"Exactly like this." He tighter his hug on me._

_"Just cuddling?"_

_"For hours."_

_"You sure? Because I can do better than that."_

_He lift his head to look at me, smiling, challenge me, "Like what?"_

_"Like this." I kiss him._

_"I thought you're mad at me."_

_"I was. Guess what? I think it's good to take a little break from that assignment. Everyone stress out about the errors yesterday, so I think it's best to rest our mind for a day before we back to the battle field."_

_"Right? See? I'm a good decision maker, actually."_

_We kiss again, smiling._

_He kiss me back but then he tickles my body making me scream and laugh uncontrollably._

 

I open my eyes, blinking a couple of times fast. As fast as my heartbeat right now. I gulp down, I can't think. My mind feels empty and suddenly, without I even feel it coming, my tears fall. Hard. Just like that without warning.

I panic.

My hand moving, doing something outside my consciousness, grab the phone and call him.

"Miss me already?" Younghyun answered the phone with a little yawn.

"It doesn't work." I speak in the middle of my crying.

"Wait, what happened? Why you're crying?"

"Everything we do will not gonna work. I still dreaming about him. And it just feels more suffocating I hate this. I hate everything, I hate myself." I cry harder, sobbing hard.

And for the next five minutes it's just me crying and Younghyun's sighing over the phone again and again, until I can take a grip of myself again, until I calm down slowly.

"Open your door, let me comfort you properly."

"I'm fine now." A quiet sob slipping out of me, it clearly doesn't want to cooperate with my words.

Younghyun insist because of that, "Yoreum, please. Open your door."

I gulping down once again and surrender. I do what he asked. I see him outside my door with a phone in his ear, but he turn off the call and put it in his pocket as soon as he see me.

I looking down to prevent him looking at my devastating self. I'm feeling so vulnerable and I hate this feeling. I never feel so pathetic with myself in my entire life, and a guy just seeing me like this is something I can't even comprehend. Why I let Younghyun see this part of me?

I feel him wrapping himself on me, hugging me very carefully, afraid that he'll break me even more if he hug me too tight.

And my tears fall again, fall even more.

-


	8. Chapter 8

 

"What are you doing?"

Younghyun turn around, "Breakfast." He smile, "Sit, it'll be done in a minute."

There's side dishes served already on the table, my dining table, but I just looking at it blankly. Then to his back in front of the stove, he taste the soup for the last time before he turn off the fire.

What is this? This is surely the first time a guy cook me breakfast. Jae can't even cook rice, this is never happened to me before. And it's kind of... strange.

But despite of all the strangeness that happened to me since last night, including how we ended up sleeping together on my bed hugging each other and it feels comfortable and successfully calming me down, I eat the food deliciously. But that's because the food is indeed delicious, it lift up my mood in unexpected way.

"Thank you."

"Feel better?"

"Your food clearly makes me feel better."

"Only my food? Not a whole of me?" He open his arms and I'm smiling at that.

"Yeah, your hug also took a part."

"Big part."

I clear my throat. "Unexpected."

"Yeah." Then his expression change to wondering, thinking. "I never expect it too."

Silence comes between us, he still wondering, staring at spaces instead of me. I watching him and suddenly admit, "This is the first time."

He shift his gaze on me.

"The first time a guy make me breakfast."

"So I found a thing he didn't do to you. See? Even when you did so many first time with him, there's still other first time you can experience with new person."

I freeze because it just hit me.

"It will work. You just need to give a little time, and a little more open up yourself. Then I'll do the rest."

"That confidence of yours."

He smile, "Good morning," he lean himself to me and give a quick peck on my lips.

But maybe he's right.

-

  
Yerin hug me full of excitement at the hallway in front of teachers' room. I don't know what is this all about but she looks so happy and grateful, same with what Jimin, Ayeon, and Suzy show to me.

"Saem, really really thank you so much!" Yerin shouts her excitement then the other girls screaming too, saying 'Thank you!' loud makes some students who walking in this hallway turn their head on us.

"What is this all about though?" I asked and finally Yerin pull off herself of me.

"I'll be join music festival this year as Youngjae's duet partner, Saem. And it all thanks to you."

My eyes got bigger in surprised, "Youngjae decided to do duet with you?" Yerin nodded her head, "Finally?" She nodded her head once again with a bigger smile.

"He said it all thanks to you, so I came here right away to thank you. Thank you so much Saem, once again." Yerin bowing to me.

The other girls clapping their hands.

So does it mean Youngjae finally took the advice I sugessted him the other day? He took a challenge to prove himself to his parents? Wow, I need to talk to the kid as soon as possible, I should appreciate his braveness.

"And another thank you from us, because of your help that asked Younghyun Sonsaengnim to be our private tutor, we just got good grades in the last quiz of Japanese." Suzy said with so bright smile on her face.

"It's not great enough to defeat Jackson, but it's all got better." Ayeon added.

"Girls, as long as you understand what your teacher talking about in class, grades doesn't really matter." I said to them.

"Right, at least we're not feeling lost again in Japanese class." Jimin said, smiling too.

"Just like how Jackson can keep up with you all in Math."

Suzy and Jimin roll their eyeballs, "Ye... yeees, and is it just me, or is Jackson really become more polite these days?" Suzy asked the other girls. "I mean, he wasn't mocking us that bad this past two weeks, don't you girls feel that?"

"Hard to believe, but I admit it. You're right."

"He become quieter."

"Isn't that good?"

Yerin's voice announcing something make them stop their talk about Jackson. "Youngjae said that I shouldn't hold Sonsaengnim too long because her boyfriend waiting for her in front of the gate...?" She's frowning her forehead while reading Youngjae's message from her phone.

"You said you didn't have a boyfriend?!" Ayeon see me with her eyes bigger.

"Who is he Saem?" Suzy and Jimin asked in unison.

"We can just go to the gate right now to know!" Yerin giving out an idea. "Seems like Youngjae is waiting for me there too."

"Let's just go together, Saem."

"You girls can go first, I still need to sort up some of my... stuff."

"And here is your stuff." Sunye come out of the room holding my bag with her. She lend it to me with those big smile paste on her. "Let's go together then, girls. I'm curious who's waiting at the gate too."

I growling inside.

We ended up doing what Sunye said, and to make it even more exaggerate, we passed by Jinyoung in a hallway and he ended up walking with us together after hearing the girls hyping up about a possibility to meet my boyfriend.

Okay, since when my life become so much like teenager like this?

-

 

_**-Younghyun's PoV-** _

 

"I was right."

"About what?"

"You being friends wih your students." I'm multi tasking right now, focus on the U-turn in front of me while listening to her words.

"But I'm sorry, because of that, our relationship got exposed."

I smiling alone, long, before finally speak, "Our relationship... why it sounds nice?" It does sounds nice. Why though?

"I mean..." She pause, can't complete her sentence.

"That's good, keep it like that. It's a progress, isn't it?"

I hear she clear her throat and see her moving herself nervously on her seat, eyes looking at the road in front of us.

"Let's have some ice cream before we go home, for celebrating your success to pull out Youngjae's braveness."

"Ice cream..." She mumbling makes me take a glance at her.

"Okay?"

She clears her throat again, "Sure."

"Something's wrong?" Of course, I answered my own question without speaking it out. Maybe ice cream reminds her of her ex.

"No." She try to be nonchalant, but then she decided to just let it all exposed. "You know there's people who can't really eat ice cream that has lactose in it?"

"Him?"

She silence for a second, "I'm sorry, let's talk about something else."

"Why? Is he have some kind of... allergy to lactose?" I'm the annoying type alright, when people told me don't, I do it instead.

"Lactose intolerance."

"So he can't consume anything with milk or cheese in it?"

My phone ring makes her hold her answer. I see Sohee name displayed on the LED screen beside my wheel, she saw it too.

"Pick it up." She said after awhile after she see I'm not doing anything to make the ring stop.

I look at her and clear my throat a little before take a wireless ear phone and put it in my right ear.

"Hm?"

"Where are you?" Sohee asked with an obvious panic tone.

"I'm busy." And I answered it trying to sounds unbothered. The fact is I'm worried right after I notice that voice of her.

"Younghyun, I did something stupid."

I wait without breaking her story.

"I forgot that Jae can't consume dairy products and I just ordered him food with lactose in it, and it reacted right away, he's out of breath right now after throwing up heavily and I think he lost consciousness."

I close my eyes and sighing, "You should call 911 instead."

"Can you come here instead?"

"I can't, I'm busy." I take a glance at Yoreum who acting to not too curious about my conversation.

"I'll call 911 for him, but can you still come here for me after you done? Please, I don't know what to do. I need you."

I silence for awhile.

"Please Youghyun, she'll understand. Whoever a girl you're with right now, she'll understand. Please."

Sure, Yoreum will understand. Of course, no doubt. It's me that contemplating. But I'm a fool for her already, I can see what scene will playing in the next one hour.

"I'll try. I'll call you back." Then I turn off the phone.

There's silence after it.

"Is it her?"

"Yeah."

"I envy you because you two still contact each other even after broke up."

"Me and her..." I take a really deep breath. "...it's complicated."

I see her watching me, waiting for me to talk more. But I'm not sure if I should tell this to her. It probably will reveal my true intention to get close to her if I'm not careful with my words.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it." She's a straightforward person.

I sighing deep again. "We uh... we never really break up because we never really in a..." I'm thinking for a while, "...in your term, 'relationship'. It's deeper than friendship, but I don't know if it can be called relationship. It's... complicated."

She listening well, hold herself to not interrupt my story.

"But we always have each other. We only have each other. From the very start."

She's thinking now. "But you want to get away from her now? That's why you're doing this with me?"

A part of our relationship that she doesn't know. A lying part.

"I'm sorry Yoreum, but I don't really know what I want exactly." Another lying coming through, "She can be so bad sometimes and I'm a fool for her. I always a fool for her. Recently I feel stupid about it, so I... thought about take some space from her. I did experiment... to see if I really can get away from her. Then I realized I can't do it alone, I should do it with someone... and..."

"Here I am."

I look at her and gulping down. "As perfect as I need you to be."

Then silence comes, longer than before.

"And about ice cream..."

"I understand."

"I'll bring it home instead later, we still can have it at my place. Or yours."

She smiles. So genuine and it's beautiful. "Okay."

Silence again until I stop my car in front of our apartment, "Wait for me, it won't take long."

She smiles again, "Younghyun?"

What's with her way of calling my name though? Is it just because I don't used to girl calling my name other than Sohee?

"Want to do this properly?"

"How much proper?"

"Another time she call you asking you to come to her, do you want me to stop you to go?"

I can't answer because it will go to opposite direction from my real intention, but on the other hand, there's this little curiousity in me to accept her. It's wrong though.

She smile again I think I start to addicted to it. "Think about it." Then she lean herself to kiss my cheek and get off the car.

Leaving me completely puzzled.

-

 

"Yes, Eomoni?" I answered with full of hesitant in my voice because why Jae's mom suddenly call me in the middle of the night like this after we didn't contact each other for like 8 months?

"Am I wake you up?"

"Uhm... it's fine..."

"I'm sorry if I wake you up... How are you, Yoreum?"

"I'm good, Eomoni. Is there something wrong...?"

I hear her sigh once, "It's not that important actually, but... I just want you to know that Jaehyung is hospitalize right now..."

I'm gulping, "What... happened?"

She sighing again, "The same thing. He consumed lactose again in one of his meeting."

I sigh in relieve. At least it's not something more dangerous than that. But still the same Jae. He know that he's lactose intolerant but he still consumed food with lactose in it just to respect his collegas in meeting. I honestly never understand this way of thinking even when we still together. Like, how important his collegas are for him to sacrifice his own body condition? And what his secretary did all this time? She should be tell his collegas in advance about his condition before arranging meeting to prevent menu with lactose, really.

"Maybe you can visit him if you have time...? Honestly, he doesn't look good too since you two live separated. He lost many weight, and always look tired..."

"I understand, Eomoni. I'll visit him after my class today..." Half excitement hal fear, that's what I feel when I realized what I just said. Is Jae even want to see me again after I forced him to ended our relationship and left him completely?

"Oh, thank you Yoreum. I wish you two can talk too. You know I always want you to be together, I still do, Yoreum. Simply because there's no one as capable as you to take care and loving him. I hope you can think about it again."

Jae, using your mom like this is cheating, I don't have mom to defend me.

I disconnect the call after I assure his mom that I will talk it out with him just like what she wish. I back to laying down but only can sigh to this.

I don't deny it, I want to meet him again, at least once, to make myself sure that we really ended. But now when that opportunity suddenly right there in front of my eyes, my intention to see him is different. I want to see him simply because I miss him. And all of this dreams about him just makes me curious if it means that I still want him. Am I still want to back to him? Should I find out tomorrow? Am I even allow to think about it? Am I still deserves him? Is he still want me?

How shameless I am.

-


	9. Chapter 9

 

**_-Jae's PoV-_ **

 

_I finish my homework and now just looking at her beside me who still focus on her paper. I laying on my side on the thin fabric she brought for us to be comfortable laying on the grass in this peaceful park, my right hand holding my head to be able to see her, smiling by myself. I might be exaggerating but she's so beautiful right now, under the sun that nearly set. I mean the orange sunrays fits perfectly on her existence. The rays that creep in between her bangs across her forehead makes her face glowing somehow. And her nonchalant stance with her focus gaze on the papers is perfecting her whole existence, it almost looks like a pictorial._

_Her lips looks moist and it keep mumbling something about her homework while her hand writing it down on her book. Dear god, her lips are so kissable right now I want to kiss it so bad._

_"You're freaking beautiful right now, Han Yoreum."_

_She smile but not looking away from her papers and books._

_"The sunrays really has a good effect on you. You're glowing." I get up and pull out my phone then directing my camera on her, take a couple shots of her._

_"Are you done?" She take a glance at me but then continue with her paper._

_"Hm." I answered without looking at her, checking my photos instead. "Time to showing you off to the world." Then I upload one of her picture I just took to my SNS._

_"Since when you do SNS?"_

_"Since now." I laugh._

_I put my phone back and laying again, this time I lay on my back facing the orange sky in front of me._

_"Autumn will gone soon, but it still feel like summer..." I turn my head to her, "...whenever I look at you."_

_She smile, "A sudden poetic time?"_

_"I wonder if it still going to feel like summer when winter comes."_

_"Let's look forward to it." She still avoiding my gaze but I notice her cheeks kind of blushing._

_I smiling by myself again. But then my head is like moving by itself, sneaking to laying on her lap._

_"Jae, I'm not done."_

_"Hm, I know, just keep writing." I still smiling, I can fully see her neck from this position and I want to touch it so bad._

_"Are you seeing my nostril right now?"_

_"God, Yoreum. Do you have to ruin this sweet moment by talking about nostril?"_

_"But you seeing it now because I mentioned that, right?" She laugh._

_"Well, I can't help it." I laugh too, but I can't see anything from it, though._

_Then she got immersed again in her paper so I close my eyes, feeling the wind blowing on me. Feeling how peaceful this moment is, I thank God everyday that I met her back then in a roller skating place. I want this overflowing feeling to last. I hope her feelings for me with last too, longer than my feelings for her. Because if her feelings fading first, I think I'll break really hard._

_Damn, even thinking about it makes my heart thump in nervousness and fear._

_I feel her soft touch on my forehead, get rid of my front hair then stroking it in slow rhythm. I form a smile automatically. I like her so much. I like the feeling I felt when I'm with her. It's not always that great or special like how love songs describe it, but I like it. That fluttering, peacefulness, comfortable. I like it all._

_I open my eyes and caught her staring at me. Intense. Deep. And when she finally tilting her head to the side while smiling softly to me, my heart flinch again. It feels familiar already but I always like it whenever it happened._

_"God, Yoreum, I think I like you so much."_

_She bend her body to closing her face to me, she kiss my forehead deep and long and I close my eyes. Lord, that flinch again in my heart._

_I lift up my body until I sit in front of her, close, facing her. "I like you so much, what should I do?"_

_"It's okay, because I like you so much too."_

_I pull my face closer to her, tilting my head, "Right?"_

_"Of course."_

_And we kiss. Hard. We're in public, though._

_"Here's a deal." I said right when our lips separated, "You should like me more than I like you."_

_"Huh? Excuse me, what?"_

_"Because I have feeling that you'll dump me first?"_

_"What? Why?"_

_"I don't know, because you're pretty and I'm..."_

_"You're fine."_

_"Right, know what I'm saying? You said it yourself, I'm just fine. When I say you're pretty, you say I'm fine."_

_"No, I mean..."_

_"So you should like me more. That for assurance."_

_"I'm not liking you solely because of your looks, Jae. You're handsome, matter of factly. And why you think I'll dump you first?"_

_"Because it's impossible for me to do it first."_

_"Don't underestimate me."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Of course!"_

_I kiss her again._

 

_I kiss her once again after she blowing her birthday candle._

_I kiss her on the sofa at her living room._

_I kiss her when we saying goodbye to attend classes._

_I kiss her in the darkness of movie theatre, forgetting the movie._

_The scenes of me kissing her are playing one by one, fast. But then it replace with another scene._

_"So why you drank that? You know you can't consume any dairy products, but why you drank that?"_

_"To be polite? A manner to respect the collegas?"_

_She sigh, "Really? By sacrificing your condition?"_

_"It's not that serious anyway."_

_"But you're laying here right now!"_

_"So that I can rest. You want me to rest remember?" I look at her softing her gaze on me slowly._

 

 

I open my eyes wide suddenly, and a white ceiling welcome me. The smell of alcohol and disinfectant invade my nose right away. I'm awake once again from a dream about her. I close and open my eyes and sighing deeper. It's getting harder because the dreams are not about the partying, these days it's rather about our happy days. Days when everything is fine and sweet and peace. It gets more beautiful the more it play backward. And it's hard because it makes me miss her more than I can imagine.

I close my eyes longer this time and move my head to see the sky through the window but then I freeze. I mean, my body froze already, but now my gaze is freezing too. Because I see her there. Standing right there in front of the table, looking at a bucket of flower on the table. Since when there's a bucket of flower there?

But it's not important right now. Her presence is the most important right now. I staring at her not moving a little bit from her place, still staring blankly at the flower.

Is she real, though? Or am I just halucinating right now? Or is this still a dream? Why she's not moving? What is she looking at? The flower? Who brought the flower, though? It's not there when I got asleep after lunch today.

I see her sigh, finally. And turn her body to face me. We staring at each other, finally.

"You're awake?"

"It's really you."

She smile softly then grab something from the flower bucket, she walks to my bed and sit on the chair beside it.

"She said she'll make it up after work."

I reach the card she gave me and read Sohee's handwriting, apologizing that she forget about my lactose intolerant. So the flower is from her, then?

"I knew there's milk on the drink, though."

She blink her eyes, looking at me more intensely. "So why you still drank it? You know it, but why you still drank it?"

The same words of her. The same worrying tone of her. I miss her.

But I just looking at her right now. Am I allowed to touch her?

"You know why, Yoreum. Still the same reason."

She sighing deep.

If she come to me whenever I'm sick, should I just get sick everyday? Why didn't I do this earlier?

"Whatever. It's not that serious anyway, just like what you once said."

But why I want this to be serious? I want her worrying me more, to look after me more.

"I'll make bigger accident if that mean you'll come looking for me."

"You can't play with your body like that."

"So can you stop doing this too?" My heart flinch in nervousness. Should I bring up the topic right now? What if she leave because of that? It's not easy to make her come here, am I really gonna let it waste just like that?

No.

Of course.

I want to be with her longer. Just a little longer.

She silent, just keep looking at me. "We'll talk about it later. You should focus on your recovery first."

"Promise me we'll talk about it later?" I give her my pinky.

She gulp down before linking her pinky to me, and when she try to pull it off, I hold it. Moving my fingers instead, and somehow, I hold her hand right now.

Finally.

Screw the break up.

I keep living in winter all this time after she left me, but now it feels like my summer will come again to me soon. I wish.

I still don't understand why she left me in the first place. It written on her face clearly that she still love me, but she insisted to take some time away from me. Because I left her alone too many times?

She said that it will be not much different if we separated. She said that she feel lonely whether she's with me or not. She said she feel empty, just like the house we lived in together. She said we rarely talk about our story. She said she feel emptier even after I come home and we talk about other things instead of us. She said it that day when she left me. I still remember it clearly in my head, but I still don't get a single thing even right now. Is it because I'm the one who got busy and always left her all alone in the night most of the time?

Is she still feel the same even after we live separated?

She closer herself to me and touch my forehead with her other hand to check my fever. My fever had gone long before she come and I hope it come back to make her stay here longer.

"You almost heal."

"I will stay here for another three days if you come everyday."

"I come here because of your mom."

"Of course."

"That's cheating. Getting help from your mom."

"She's my last card, I can't help it. You're gone too long, it's time for you to comeback."

She's reading me, she's reading my expressions, my intentions, my honesty and sincerity. She's making herself sure.

"Just speak it out. Whatever you want to know, just ask me."

She looking down, "Later, after your condition's better."

I sigh.

We silence after that, me still holding her hand but we're not looking to each other. I'm dying to see her though, I miss her so bad, but she's avoiding my gaze, don't know why.

"I'm sorry." I said finally.

She lifted her face, finally.

"For made you feel lonely like that. I sat facing the walls that day after you left me." I see her tilting her head in disbelieve and I smirking a little, "Yes, hard to believe, but I did. I didn't know what else I'm supposed to do to understand that situation so I ended up doing it. Surprisingly it got me thinking better. And I kind of understand a little bit of what you felt? Eventhough I still thinking that you're exaggerating everything by leaving me."

She smiles, dear god she finally smiling although it's just a little soft smile of her. And it do something to me, her smile always do something to me, I squeeze her hand without me knowing. I miss her smile, I only see it in my dreams for the past 8 months, finally I see it again. I still want to see it again and again even for the next 10 years if I could.

"You're not mad?" She asked.

"Of course I am mad."

"But you still want to see me eventhough you're mad?"

I look at her in disbelieve, "What kind of question is that?"

She's avoiding me again, "What about her? I thought she just temporary."

"She's the main reason, right?"

"It wasn't, at that time."

"It was. I know you, your narration about loneliness and emptiness were not even make sense, even back then. It was her all along." I pull off my hand from her. "I'll make her quit if it really bothering you."

She sighing, looking at her now empty hand on the bed. She doesn't say anything.

"Talk to me."

"It happened even before she came."

"What was happened?"

"That things you think doesn't even make sense."

I know I just said it wrong just then. Damn, I might loose my opportunity to make her come back to me.

"I thought you said you understand a little bit about what I felt? I don't think you do."

"No, I mean..."

"We should talk about it later."

"Yoreum, please."

"Later, I promise." She close her eyes one time, fast.

"I'm sorry."

"It wasn't... fully your fault. I'm sorry too, but..."

The door suddenly open with a loud sound and a young boy's voice filled the room, "Hyung, why in the world you drank that... Oh?!" But he stop immidiately when he realized I'm not alone in this room right now.

"Sonsaengnim?!" Jinyoung asked with shocking voice and look.

Right, they're go to the same school, I almost forget about that.

"What are you doing here? And what did you just say? Hyung?" She look at me and him back and forth.

"Not that kind of hyung, but yeah, he's a hyung I know." Jinyoung smile then snap his finger, "So that's why I feel like I've known you before, Saem! I look at your face in Jae hyung's SNS."

Right, of course. She's still there on my SNS' page, even until now.

"But I thought you two were broke up already...? Is yesterday...?" Jinyoung tilted his head, thinking and wondering, doesn't continue his sentences in the end. "Ah, seems like I interrupt your visit time, I'll come back later then." He smiling forcefully.

"No, I'm done, actually. Glad you come, Jinyoung, I have to go to see someone, you can accompany him from here." She get up from her seat.

I can only sighing.

"Is he waiting for you right now?" Jinyoung asked her and it makes me tense.

He? Who?

She's looking at Jinyoung a little longer then smile, "No, see you on monday. Don't forget we have a quiz."

She look at me once and nothing comes out of my mouth I feel hopeless and my confident flew out of me just like that.

"Get well soon? So we can talk?"

"Come again tomorrow."

She sighing, "I can't."

"Looks more like 'you don't want to'."

"I'll meet you after you discharge instead. Bye, from now." Then she left.

Just like that. And I just sighing, regretting it again. An opportunity just flew by. Okay.

"Hyung, basketball club really boring without you. So, please get well soon." Jinyoung said and sit.

"Who is 'he' you're talking about with her just then?"

"You really don't feel that happy about me coming here, do you? You just asking a thing that related to her, not even a single respon to my words about basketball club, waaah, really."

"Is she seeing someone?"

"I heard they're dating already."

My heart stop. Well, feels like. No. It can't be. I see Jinyoung face and I don't find him lying, he just told the truth.

"I met him yesterday, really just yesterday, I unintentionally knew about that. I think it happened not long ago, she said she was single in the first day she teaching my class."

I sighing, I don't believe it. I need to talk to her as soon as possible. It can't be happening. She won't forget me that easy. I'm sure it's just something she need to do to freeing herself from memories of us. She must be forcing herself to move on. She's still want me. She got jealous of Sohee's flower and letter just then, it means she still consider me.

"What kind of man he is?"

"Handsome, a Japanese teacher, looks like a good person."

"I'm late then?"

Jinyoung thinking for awhile, "Not really, hyung. From my point of view, they won't last long."

"Why?"

"I don't know, just a hunch?"

We silent for awhile then Jinyoung say again, "So this is a rebound. You failed a shot then he's there to get the ball from the missing shot. But who knows? Maybe he just lucky because he stood there when it all happened, and maybe he'll miss his next shoot soon. Maybe you can be an obstacle to prevent his shoot." Jinyoung take a deep breath, "So where do you want to stand? Under the rim waiting for another rebound, or move to get your ball before he can even shoot?"

"You become more philosophical day by day."

"I read too many books."

"But that's basketball you're talking about, nothing to do with books."

"Right, basketball. And I miss playing with you, hyung. Get well soon, really."

-

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

"We try." I said without looking at her, I wandering my gaze to a bookshelf behind her instead, scanning it like I can count all the books there, "Well, I try."

Hyerim take a deep sigh, "That's good, you finally took one step forward to moving on from the past. So how's it so far?"

I frowning my forehead while I think of the best way to words out what I'm feeling about this relationship me and Younghyun creates. "I'm not sure." But that's the only thing came out of my mouth in the end.

"It's okay, slowly."

"I mean..." I put my gaze down to my shoes, "I don't know if I did this with him because I need to move on or just to prove it to you that I can move on."

"More like 'you're not sure if you really want to move on'." Hyerim form a soft smile on her face.

Finally I look at her.

"But that's okay, too. At least with this thing you do with Younghyun, you can soon find out about things you really want."

I looking down after once again take a deep sigh.

"And what's good about it is, Younghyun doesn't hoping that much from you too. You both has nothing to loose, that's what make this worth to try."

"He's hurting too. I'm afraid this will hurt him even more if it failed."

"He's stronger than that."

"How did you know?"

"He's the one initiated it, he thinking about it already, he prepared for all the consequences."

I get silence because of that.

"So it's time to really think about yourself. Make this opportunity to really understand what you want. Younghyun is practically helping you right now. Now it's all up to you."

Another silence.

"I met Jae yesterday." I see Hyerim smile a little then put her back to the chair. "He's hospitalize so we didn't talk much, I came there because her mom asked me to."

"And?" She asked when I'm not continue my story.

"I miss him."

"No wonder, Yoreum."

"He's not that mad at me. He want to talk, he want us back."

"He still love you."

"Maybe I am, too."

Hyerim smiles again, "It might confuse you later, but it sure will take you to final decision. Just let everything flow, don't repress any of your feelings, it will lead you to the right decision."

I'm gulping and once again space out.

"I think this is all for today."

I take a deep sigh and thank her before we walk together to the door. We found Younghyun sit in one of the sofa at the waiting room.

"Your boy's here." Hyerim announcing with a rather happy smile on her face.

"Do you want to take a session too?" I asked jokingly at him.

He smiles, "Not really, I'd rather spend my time on you."

"What the...??" Hyerim nearly cursed while Younghyun just laughing jokingly at her. "One thing I always envy you, Yoreum. You always got the sweetest man in the world."

"Wonpil's sweet, you fool."

"Not to that extent, okay."

I laughing it off, thank her once again before we saying goodbye. I walk with Younghyun, he lend his hand to me after we walk halfway through this corridor, makes me turn my head and staring at him. He smile then take my hand in the end, not wasting any more time to wait. And I'm wondering if Hyerim still watching behind us, and what she's thinking of this.

"So according to Hyerim's unexpected information, your previous man is the sweetest." Younghyun said after we sit on his car.

"She's exaggerating." I put my seatbelt on and touching my hair to release some of it that trapped around the seatbelt.

I turn my head to him because he doesn't respon my words. But he turn his face right away, like he doesn't want me caught him staring.

He open one of a drawer in the dashboard and take out a hairband. My hairband.

"Oh, that... I searched that for days."

"Left at my place. Turn around."

"Why? I can put it myself."

"I want to do it, turn around."

I surrender.

I watch from the rearview mirror, he's tying my hair carefully, a little awkward but absolutely skillful. Sometimes our skin meet too, and it makes me freeze.

"You're good at it." I check myself on the mirror.

"Better than him?"

"Is that really matter to you? Why you keep comparing yourself to him? You stop comparing me with her and you start to comparing yourself instead?"

He turn on the machine, "You're right. I should stop comparing everything." Then we leave.

"He never did it, if it makes you feel better." I said after awhile. Yes Jae never did it, but that's because he like my hair loose more than tied.

Younghyun smirks and smile a little.

Silence, and I just looking at the window. My mind keep thinking about my last session with Hyerim and about her advice to not repress any of my feelings.

"I've thought about your suggestion."

His words makes me bring back my attention to him.

"Let's do it properly."

I almost forgot that I sugested that to him. Honestly, I asked him about it the other day just because I kind of jealous of her ex, because she still can call him freely, order him around, even made him cancel his plan with me that day. That suggestion purely came out as my jealousy. I never think he'll really considered it.

"Let's do it all the way, properly. Us."

I lick my lips nervously.

"Hold me the next time she ask me to come to her."

"You sure?"

"Let's try. And..." He concentrating to turn left first before continue, "...you should tell me the next time you want to see him."

"He was sick and his mom called me that's why I met him yesterday."

"I know, so tell me the next time you're going to see him."

I watching him who just focusly staring at the road in front of him.

"So that I can try to hold you from going to him too."

"Why?"

"Because I want us to work."

-

  
**-Younghyun's PoV-**

 

"Because I want us to work."

Wait, what I just said? Why I said that? It will go opposite way with what I wanted. So why?

Is it because the fact that both she and Sohee got worried of him when he hospitalized? I got jealous, yes, because they're both giving him so much attention and caring and it feels like I'm nothing at that time. Knowing both of them worried about his condition just made me miserable as a human. Maybe I was childish that I want those attention and caring from both of them. I don't know, it made me angry that I left alone like that yesterday.

Why him, though? Why it should be him? Is he that great?

And why am I like this? I can get jealous about Sohee but to Yoreum too? Since when? I should be happy that they're finally meet each other after a long time. There's a possibility that they'll reconcile and back together, then Sohee will give up on him and get back to me. Perfect. Like I wanted it to be. But why this feeling of jealousy comes to me instead? Why I feel upset when I found out Yoreum was there visit him in hospital?

This isn't right.

And what about comparing myself with Jae like she mentioned just then? What's wrong with me? Also, I agreed to do this properly, all the way. Why? How much proper do I want to do this honestly?

"Younghyun?"

And what's with her way of calling my name?

"Younghyun, you just miss the turn."

I blink, finally come back to this current state.

"Let's eat somewhere first." I make an excuse.

We ended up seating facing each other in one of ggalbi restaurant near our apartment. We eat in silence and she keep her eyes on me, full of wondering and curiousity. What is she thinking? Is she thinking about me? I want her thinking of me.

Wait, what?

"Something's bothering you?"

"Huh? Not really, why?"

"What were you two talking about yesterday? What did she say? You clearly contemplating about something right now."

"It's not her."

"Then what?"

"It's you." Damn, what's wrong with me today?

She blinking her eyes a couple times, trying to guess something. "Tell me." She give up guessing.

"I don't know too. Just..."

She waits but I don't know what to say.

"Look, Younghyun. I'm sorry if I was like forcing you to do things, I didn't mean you should really... forget her completely, or... stop meeting her all at once, just to prove it to me that you're serious doing this to me."

"It's the other way around, though." I smirk looking at our food. I lift up my head before speak further, "Honestly I didn't expect too much from this, but..." We're looking at each other, "...this might sounds strange but I think I got jealous of you yesterday, when I found out that you met him. Suddenly I want us to be real." It's wrong though.

Silence.

"We're trying, aren't we? To be real."

Of course, right. That's what she knows, she doesn't have idea about my real intention. So I'm contemplating alone right now, being confuse all alone, surprise all alone about what I just feel.

"Right, guess I just surprise at this new feeling."

She just smiling at my words but I know she has so much inside her mind too.

 

 

"What? No kissing today?" She asked before I turn myself and let her come inside her house.

My eyes wander around anything except her, I want to kiss her, so bad that I'm frightening. I'm frightened because it feels like it will be different than any other times I kissed her. I might be craving for more, and I'm afraid she'll reject me again, just like before. That time I'm okay because I didn't have this feeling in me but if she do it right now, I feel like I'm going to hurt.

"Trust me, I'm dying to."

"But?"

"But I feel like I can't hold myself from doing more than just kissing you this time." I see fear in her eyes, only as a little flash. "And you don't need to let me do that just to prove that you want us to work too. I agreed to do this slowly, I don't want to push you or anything."

Her fear gone from her eyes and she now look at me with so much gratefulness. "Thank you so much." She said it just as a whisper.

"See you tomorrow." I gave a smile instead, while she's back to look at me in a wondering state.

 

-

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

The morning ride with Younghyun is awkward. None of us speak other than a casual greeting, we both busy with our own mind, eventhough I don't know what I'm thinking right now. He said he want us to work, agreed to do this properly, said that he want us to be real, but I feel the opposite today, like he unsure of himself. Or he might be just need some time to adjust himself to how much proper he should do this, because none of us know the actual deal.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I can't stand this atmosphere so I defeat myself.

"You're worried."

"You're not speak anything other than good morning, of course I'm worried."

He smile rather gloomy though, "I'm holding myself."

"For what?"

He takes time to answer, "Kissing you senseless and forgetting school."

I take a glance to myself at the mirror to check if I'm blushing or smiling too wide. I surprised by this feeling of being wanted by someone, it's been a long time and it's actually feels nice. "By avoiding a conversation with me?"

"I'm avoiding everything about you right now." He sounds like a grumpy teenager.

Honestly, we both acts like teenagers right now.

"Maybe you shouldn't holding in."

He take a quick glance in the middle of his driving, "I should, until you let me to go all the way."

I laugh.

"You make me feel like I'm the uncooperative side." And he's doing it good because yes now I feel like I'm the one who keep avoiding us to work out. "We agreed to take it slow, though."

"Then we agreed to do this properly."

"Slow but proper."

Now he laugh.

"Hyerim told me to not repress any of my feelings and I'm trying. So if we can create a perfect moment, maybe... who knows..." We staring, "...what will it put us into." Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? What did I just talking about?

Younghyun stare at me a little longer before focus on the road again, he's thinking.

"No guarantee that I won't refuse either, I'm... still unsure, but..."

"I never want to push you, that's why I handle it myself right now."

"I'm not sure if you want me because you do want me or just to fulfill the emptiness in you. This thing we do is easy to fool us, we might feel like we attracted to each other while the truth is we just being a replacement to each other, of the one who we really needed. Or wanted." I frowning my forehead because I still don't know what I just talking about, but at least that's what I feel about this relationship. And I started to feel sorry to him.

"And only time has the final answer?"

I silence, because I don't know too. I try to figure out anything else than time, but right now, it is indeed the matter of time.

"Time is not the only one that can answer."

I prepare myself from the unexpected, somehow. He must be thinking something already. Is he already sure about what I am to him?

"Let's take a short vacation."

I was right.

"Us, alone. I want to figure it out, too. I want to make myself sure too whether you just a replacement or a real deal. We can't do it here, clearly. Everything and everyone keeps distracting us, let us go alone and think about it. Just us upon nothing, no overthinking, no repress feelings."

I'm not afraid, though. Should I afraid?

"Where?"

"Anywhere you want. Beach?"

"Beach sounds cool."

"Right? It's summer soon, let's go before final-term, we'll be busy after it."

"Okay. Cool."

He look at me making himself sure I really agree to this.

"I'll do everything, just leave it up to me. We're gonna have fun for one night two days."

I smiling to him and finally for the first time this morning, he smiling too. His mood got lifted up, he even humming some song for the rest of this ride.

-

  
I keep my gaze at Jaebum who still avoiding me, but in the end, our eyes meet. I stare intensely at him saying 'we made promise' through it. Then Jaebum sighing deep before looking down his head again.

"Now, Im Jaebum. The semester's not even over, but this thing happen again." Seulong Sonsaengnim started his speech about how annoying this thing about Jaebum that really testing his patient everytime it happened.

"Saem, we're really has nothing to do with this, it just a misunderstanding, really." Ayeon said to avoid this ridiculous punishment.

"Yes, Saem. She's overreacting, exaggerating, and just annoying. We're not even interesting in Jaebum, really." Suzy added.

"Honestly, being in this kind of situation is so wrong for us. We're not even care a little bit about him, really." Jimin finally speak.

"See? I told you we shouldn't hold Jaebum yesterday." Yerin said to her friends.

"But he need to do his responsibility, he can't just escape everytime!" Suzy shout annoyingly.

"But look what it got us into?" Ayeon asked this time, already in the same side as Yerin.

"Who thought she's gonna think we're hitting on him?" Jimin shrugs.

"It's obvious that one of you is hitting on him, don't play innocent like that, geez." The girl from the other class give a statement.

"What? What are you saying exactly?"

An overlapping chatting happen again makes Seulong Sonsaeng hissed in annoyance and scream to make them silent.

"You, speak." Said Seulong Sonsaeng to Jaebum in the end. "Who's your girl exactly?"

I put both of my hands on my chest, looking at Jaebum more intense. He notices it. He take a deep sigh then point out his finger to one of his classmate, "Park Jimin."

I smile, but everyone else is puzzled, confused. There's a strange silence in this field, it's like the wind even stop blowing.

"What? What did I just heard?" Jimin whispering to her friends, asking for affirmation.

"We're dating." Jaebum said again.

"Since when, you jerk?" Jimin shouts.

The girl who claimed Jaebum as hers earlier now looking at them back and forth with anger all over her face. "I knew it! All of you can stop acting just now." She's looking at Jimin and the girls with a really sharp gaze.

"Hey, explain it! You can't do it like this Im Jaebum!" Jimin is holding back her anger and her embarassment.

"I'm sorry for this inconvenience, I never want to put you in this situation." Jaebum speaks calmly, surprising. "But I do like you, from a long time ago, from the very first start."

It's rather heartwarming though? And why I feel like Jaebum is telling the truth?

"I never had courage to say it to you, but then everything happened. I don't know since when, but every girls started to obsessed with me and it makes me more afraid to say this to you." Jaebum now looking at Jimin with the warmest gaze I ever see from him.

What is this? Is that the truth?

"Why it feels honest though?" Yerin whisper to no one particular.

Jaebum touching his eyebrow nervously, "I always like the time we spent bickering at each other. It was fun." Now he's looking down to hide his embarassment.

His ears are red.

"Problem's solved." Seulong Sonsaeng announcing, "Do you get what you want to hear?" He asked the girl who claimed Jaebum as hers, still agape her mouth, can't really believe what she just heard and saw.

But then she's sighing, surrender.

"Now you can spread the news all over the school. Jaebum has a girl now." Seulong closed this case very wisely.

Is it because the atmosphere?

Don't know, but I'm smiling at it. I knew from the previous incident that Jaebum has someone he likes, I never thought it would be Jimin. And I'm glad that we made promise that day, even more glad that Jimin was involved in this right now.

I'm wishing a happy ending for both of them despite of how Jimin would respon to his sweet confession.

-

  
_A paper shifted to me from Jae who sit right beside me. There's his handwriting written in hurry, typical Jae._

 _'Still_ not done?'

_"Why?" I whisper then I realized why he's writing his question in the first place. Even a slight sound of pencil scratching the paper is a disturbance for other people._

_He reach the paper from me to write another message._

_'So that I can kiss you.'_

_I automatically form a smile then write the  reply._

_'Still have so much to finish.'_

_Then we ended up communicate with that one paper._

_'I'm bored.'_

_'You can leave first though, I'll stop by at your place after this.'_

_He thinking for awhile before writing again, smiling all along until he pass the paper to me._

_'Follow me then, 5 minutes.'_

_"Where?" I whisper to him who already standing, still smiling._

_But I follow him, he walks in front of me I literally following him, through the bookshelves, pass by many sections, always with a frowning in my forehead. My boyfriend can really be very random sometimes, and this is one of the time I can't guessing what's in his mind, what's his intention._

_"Park Jaehyung?"_

_"Just two more sections." He said without looking at me, or slowing his walk._

_He turn right then walk a little bit more, to the end of this section, far from the popular section where people often visit to. This place is rather empty, not even one person I meet while we keep walking to the very end of this corridor._

_"This is music section." He said suddenly, now his steps are slow, he strecth both of his hands to touch the bookshelves in his right and left while he walks._

_"And why you brought me here in the middle of my study time?"_

_"You know why this is the quietest place in most of the libraries?"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because music students rarely study music from books, Yoreum."_

_"Ah!" Mindblowing. "Perfect place for the crime scenes to happen."_

_Jae laugh then turn his body to me, "Crime scenes? Really?" He's moving somehow to trapped me between him and the bookshelf. "What kind of crime you think I can do to you right here?" He smiling before he kiss me._

_"You did it already." I said between our kisses. He stop to demand my elaboration about a statement I just said, "Distracting your girl from her study can be considered a crime."_

_He smile, the kind of smile that involves smirking and showing his pocket cheeks, which makes me weak on my knees. "I will do that crime again and again, then." We're kissing again._

_I smiling too in our kissing, but when my back completely touch the bookshelf, my smile is gone and I kiss him deeply, intensely. My hands in his shoulders, while his on my waist, we're hugging, close, tight._

_Kiss me like you want to be kissed._

_Jae told me once, and it lingers on me everytime we kiss. Now too. So I kiss him senseless, just like how he senselessly kiss me. He grip my waist, I moan, feeling his hair on my fingers. How I want to jump to him and linger both of my feet around him right now, but with a little conscious left in me I know that it's not right. Anyone can be here anytime and caught us, and I'm not ready for that embarassing caught kissing in public moment. I still like my innocence image._

_But Jae already determined to go all the way, he touch my thigh over my jeans, hold it in his hand ready to move it to his waist._

_"Hm, Jae, don't even try."_

_"Still maintain that good girl image of yours?"_

_"Don't you ruin it." I smile as he kiss my cheek and jawline._

_"No one here."_

_"It can be someone any minute, who knows?"_

_"Still playing safe."_

_"Of course."_

_We're kissing again. Long, lost in each other's breath, eyes are closing, lips already burning, tounges playing. I realease some moans, despite trying to hide it. This palce is quiet it can be trouble if someone heard it, really. But he likes hearing it apparently because he keep makes me moaning with his moving._

_"I think we passed that 5 minutes."_

_"Give me another five then."_

_I laugh and he kiss down my neck. "I'll make it up at your place after this I promise, now let me finish what I need to finish." I cup his face with both of my face, stopping him for attacking my neck._

_I give him one last long kiss before I push him backward to give me space to freeing myself from his trapping._

_"When will you finish?" He asked while take my hand on his and we starts walking, leaving this place back to the table when our stuffs still there waiting._

_"Two hours? I'll text you."_

_"I'll order your favorite jjampong, then."_

_"Thank you. I love my supportive boyfriend." We turn my head in unison and give each other a peck in the lips._

_"I just love my girlfriend so much."_

 

 

I open my eyes with a beating heart, as usual. I want to taste it again. His lips, hugs, skins, everything of him. I suddenly want it once again.

But I'm alone being a mess on my bed hiding in the dark, thinking that I can escape from this feeling with the help of other guy. And the only thing I can do is taking a deep breath, wondering when will I finally give up to deny it.

-


	12. Chapter 12

 

**-Younghyun's PoV-**

 

It's my free day, I have no class on Friday, and I spent the day searching and getting information about the perfect beach me and Yoreum will be visiting next week. I want to make everything perfect, I'll set the atmosphere, I'll set the mood for her, so that although she doesn't like me that much at least she can enjoy the trip. Maybe I'm exciting too much about this, alone. Once again become a fool for a girl.

"How about visiting our old neighborhood next week?" Sohee asked suddenly. Her voice echoes in my quiet living room.

I didn't expect she come here on Friday, where she used to be working. But here she is, just done grumbling about how Jae become such a sensitive teenage boy these days since he discharged from the hospital. Her boss canceled one of the important meeting again and went home, said he wasn't feeling well as an excuse. Made her become unemployed again.

"I don't feel like doing it." I said with unbothered stance. I am indeed unbothered. I don't quite remember since when, but spending time with her doesn't feel that exciting anymore, let alone planning anything.

I used to be the one who excited the most everytime we plan to do something, but right now I just want the day of me and Yoreum's trip to come. I really looking forward to it.

Which is wrong though.

It's totally going the opposite way from what I intended to do. I fall for Yoreum instead. When I calculated everything before I did this, I never considered this kind of result, because I am sure enough that I can never escape from Sohee. But that night, that one night when I saw her cry, heavily cried then unexpectedly got relaxed in my arms, it suddenly lift up my confident. That I deserves better. I can do better for a better person, and I deserves a better feedback and better affection.

Sohee turn herself from laying on her side to her back. Her head still on my lap, she's reading me but I keep my focus on my phone, my brain keep absorbs many informations about cool places we can visit. I want to do many water activities so that our trip won't be boring, although I have a feeling that it won't get boring at all whatever I do with her. Even if we're just laying side by side in hotel alone, it already feels exciting for me. I form a smile unexpectedly.

"You're already planning something." I try to control my expression to be nonchalant and unbothered again. "With her. And you're smiling thinking about it."

I'm not give any answer to that, because she just said the truth and I don't know how to respon to that. Should I deny it or should I just openly admit it?

"Okay, enjoy it as much as you can. You're going back to me in the end anyway." She said, trying to sound unbothered too.

But I stiff because of that.

My fingers stop from scrolling my phone, my brain suddenly stop working too. That words used to be my words for her. I never thought there would be a time for her to saying that to me. And it light up anger within me. Why I feel angry though? Is she feeling the same everytime I said it to her?

"What if I'm not?"

She laughing a mocking-like-laugh, "You will. One hundred percent sure."

"Why? Why you so sure?"

"Because Younghyun," she get up from her position, sitting facing me, close. "No one knows you like I do, no one understands you like I do, no one aceepts you like I do, no one wants you like I do." She kiss me.

But I still stiff, not moving a little bit, and I feel more angry hearing that. Because I feel like it will come true.

My phone vibrating, taking me back to current state. Yoreum's name displayed on the screen. Sohee move to sit comfortably by leaning her back to the sofa when I answer Yoreum's call.

"Are you still home?" She asked right after I greet her.

I look at the watch and realized I was late. I should've on my way to get her from the school then go shopping together buying things we need for our vacation.

"I... I'm sorry I forget about it, I'll go right now, just wait a little bit." I stand up and walk to get the car key.

"Wait, Younghyun, actually... you don't need to go now." She sounds nervous, her every words sounds careful. "I'm... I'm sorry, actually, can we postpone the shopping? Tomorrow? I have a sudden thing I need to do right now..."

I'm gulping down, stop myself from moving and just standing stiff facing my window. "What is it? What that sudden thing you need to do?"

She silence. She didn't expect I ask her about that, apparently. But I got the feeling that she's going to meet him. Where's that feeling come from, though?

"Where are you?" I asked again because she still not respon to me.

"Younghyun, I really am sorry, but he's sick again, and..."

I wait but there's no other word coming out from her.

"Where are you?" I said calmly despite the actual feel I'm feeling right now. I feel angry again. And upset. More upset. I don't like the fact that Sohee's words are like coming true little by little.

"I already in front of his house."

I sigh more upset by hearing it. "So you didn't let me to hold you back." I touching my eyebrow, feeling stupid all of a sudden.

I felt it often though, with Sohee. I never thought I'll be feeling the same way with Yoreum.

"I'm sorry, someone passed me the news and I couldn't think straight, I realized I already on a bus to his place, I just remember our plan just then, I really... am sorry."

I looking down and I don't know what to say.

"I'll make it up. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Tell me if you're done there, I'll taking you home."

A silence for a full second, "Thank you. Younghyun?"

"Hm?"

Silence again.

"Nothing. I'll beg your forgiveness directly later."

I smile. I'm a fool because I form a smile upon hearing it. "You need time to get used to this, I understand. Take your time."

We ended the call after she once again saying sorry and thank you and a 'see you later'. I sighing deep and turn myself to see Sohee smiling and giving me a look of 'I told you'.

I can't help but feeling more stupid and miserable. But to think about it, me keep meeting Sohee like this is no different than she meeting Jae. So who am I to be so sulky about it, right?

We both need time, that is sure enough.

-

 

"What?" I tilted my head.

"I lied to you. I'm not that sick, I just want you to come."

I take a really deep breath and close my eyes. "Again?"

"You want me to sit facing the wall? I know it's wrong, but I'll do it again if it makes you come."

"You're not a student anymore, Jae. Don't you realize what important event I might just canceled to come here?"

"Well it looks not that important because you're here right now anyway."

"Still the stubborn Park Jaehyung."

He smiles.

My goodness he smiles. He smiles and it took my anger away, like magic, like I'm being hypnotized. It relaxes me, my heart beats slower and steadier, my nervousness and worries just distinguish.

But I'm avoiding his gaze in reflex, trying to hide the change of my expression and gestures. I scan the house instead, but I think I just made another mistake. This house, the house I used to live with him, still looks the same. The wallpaper, the furniture's position, even our pictures in frames still placed neatly and accordingly. Just like when I left it back then.

I blank stare at everything, holding my breath. A sudden emotion comes flooding within me. I want to cry, so bad. I close my eyes to prevent a tear to fall, but the scenes of our happy days are playing instead, making me frowning my head. His smiles, his sweet talks, his promises, all of his kisses and huggings, all of the plans we made together, all of the silences between our talk, it all comes to me in a flash, quick but impactful. Hit me just in the right place of my heart.

I take one deep breath again, trying at my very best to holding up myself, to not crumble miserably in front of him. I clear my throat after I can finally open my eyes.

He look at me a little worried, but just like me, he try to hide it too. I feel him holding back himself too.

What is this exactly?

"So what do you want now? I'm here, so what do you want?" My voice cracks, of course.

He clear his throat, "Not much." He avoiding me, "Just a full course meal and a hug to sleep."

We're sraring at each other finally, and the suffocating atmosphere is melt little by little. It's his power, actually. He's the master of breaking the ice.

"It's strange Yoreum, I'm not that busy anymore but I keep skipping lunch, sometimes dinner too, and I have so much trouble to sleep. Sleep is bothersome recently I wish I can just being awake everytime. If I can eat your food just fine then sleep in your arms just fine, I found the problem then."

Oh I want to hug him so bad.

 

 

"Your refrigerator doesn't provide a full course meal's ingredients, Jae." I said while looking at the always clean refrigerator. I see a box of kimchi, eggs, some green veggies, carrots, potatoes, and oranges.

I move to check the freezer and found mackerel, his favorite, and chicken's breast. I pull out the mackerel in the end.

"What are you doing?" I asked after I found him standing behind me while tying an apron on him.

"I'll help."

"Since when you cooking?"

"Since I live alone slash since you left this house slash since you gone out of my life."

"Wow, at least there's one good thing that happened to you because of my leaving."

"What's the point of me cooking if I can't eat it? I mean, it's not because the food isn't tasty, it's not bad, but I have no appetite." Jae said while moving around following my every steps in this big kitchen.

Used to be our big kitchen.

"Can you clean the fish?" I put down two mackerels in the sink.

"Sure, piece of cake."

Then silence filles the room while I'm immersed in making seasoning.

"Uhm, Yoreum...?"

I turn my head.

"Change of task. You clean this thing instead." He move from his place, grab my elbow and pull me until I standing in front of the sink. "It's scary, I can't do it."

"This is your favorite food."

"Doesn't have correlation, so what if my favorite food is actually scary before being served?" He closing his eyes and whimper a little, "So what do I need to do with this?"

"Jae, can you just sit and watch me like you always do?"

"No, I want to help. And I want to learn how you do it, so that I can copy it later, so that I can eat my own food and gain some weight." He walks closer to me, "Woah, how can you do that without flinch even a little bit?"

"Experience." I clean the fish' head with my fingers, take away the unnecessary parts.

"I'll make eggroll instead." He said and move to refrigerator to get some eggs.

I focus the battle with the fish for some more, then rinse it with water, once again making myself sure it cleaned thoroughly, until I heard the weird sound of egg cracks. I turn my head to Jae who now cracking the egg so recklessly, the eggwhite is all over his fingers.

I take a deep sigh, but he still continue to crack another egg with silent laugh on his face.

"Your statement about you learned cooking is all lying too, right?"

"I just learned one dish."

"Don't tell me it's ramyeon."

"It is ramyeon, and I successfully cook it in delicious way, really my taste."

"Everyone cook ramyeon in delicious way, Jae. Stop!" I scream at him a little when I see his intention.

He just about to clean his hand that full of eggwhite by dropping it to the bowl, which will be cooked later for us to eat.

"No, you can't do that, it's for us to eat!" I take his hand automatically and bring it to the sink and rinse it with water. "Did you wash your hands before cracking it?"

"My hands are clean."

We're already standing close but I feel he's moving closer again to me, let me clean his hands with soap, rinse it, and dry it with a towel. I drag him to the chair then.

"Just sit here and wait."

"Okay, okay." He's surrender, both hands up in the air, his back lean on the chair.

I'm back to the fish that already got seasoned and prepare the grill.

"How's your school?"

"Great. Oh, by the way, you just made Jinyoung lied to me too." I give him a quick glare.

"No, I lied to him too. He's so innocent that he believed it right away."

"You really need to do something about that habit of yours."

"Strangely I just lying for making you come to me, I never lie in everything else. Trust me."

"How did you know Jinyoung, though?"

"Basketball club. We're in the same team."

Ah, that basketball club he regularly attend. I never knew Jinyoung playing basketball, I only see him going back and forth to library. If he's that good, shouldn't he join the basketball team in school, too?

"Where do you live right now? How's the neighborhood?"

"It's nice, not that luxury with a really modest neighboor but it's fine. It has fine security system. I live right in front of Hyerim, and the other two neighbors are just as nice as her." My goodness it reminded me of Younghyun and how I ditch our plan to go shopping together.

"Can I make a visit, then?"

Silence for a brief moment.

"Sure, I'll text you the address later." I feel a flinch in my stomach. I wish that never happen in the near future. Or the opposite?

It's silence again but that's because the kitchen is filled with sizzling sound from the mackerels being grilled.

"I'm not that busy anymore, Yoreum. The company has listed just fine, and my team just need to maintain the stability of the price stock, I have so much time to do other things right now. I can go home as early as I want, look, I'm even here right now on Friday. It's all under control right now."

"That's good, then." I put the grilled mackerel on the table and back to start making the eggroll without looking at him a little bit.

Because it hurt. And embarassing.

I feel like an egoist woman.

But I sweep the thought away by focusing myself in the dishes. Now I cutting the veggies fast to make jiggae. I do everything fast because I starts to feel suffocating here.

"Don't make it too spicy." He said when I put in some seasoning to the brooth.

"I know what's you like."

"In case you forget."

I finish the eggroll while I wait the brooth to boiled a little more, then put kimchi in.

"My mom asking about you too."

I put down the finished eggroll on the dining table where he lean his elbow on it, we're looking at each other for the first time in awhile.

"Can you explain it to her?"

"I don't quite understand what I should explain, so..." He get up to get a bowl of rice himself, leaving me just standing puzzled. "Can I add the kimchi in there? I suddenly want to eat many of it, it smells so good."

He turn his head and I nodded my head to answer his question, then he put some kimchi in, stir it a little, then walking back to the chair with a bowl of rice in his hand.

Silence filled the room once again until the last dish is finally served on the table. Jae saying thank you for the food before start to eating it while I still watching him. He taste everything, make a refreshing slurping sound after he try the kimchi jiggae.

"I miss this taste I think I will cry in happiness." He said nonchalantly while keep munching the food.

"Eat slowly, your stomach will hurt."

"You don't know how much I craving for your food. It's tastier than any other food I had all this time."

"Even your mom's food?" I smiling to him.

He lift up his head, "My mom's cooking can't even compete with this, Yoreum. You know that from the start."

I keep smiling. He is too.

"Aaah," he give an eggroll to me.

"I can do it myself, thank you."

"Just this one bite." He's talking in aegyo, just like when he's drunk.

"What's with the aegyo?"

"Hurry, my hand hurts."

I take it in the end, swallowing it with a smile still paste on my face.

 

 

We just done clean up the dishes, me washed it and he dried it. Now we sit awkwardly on the sofa, pretend to watching random aimation movie on the TV. The truth is I'm dying. To touch and hug him, cuddling like we always do.

"So the food problem's solved. I lost my appetite and only your food can get it back. Did you see? I eat everything just then? Even the jiggae soup?"

"Stop exaggerating."

"And your food still as tasty as ever, period. It'll be good to eat it in autumn under the cherry blossoms tree."

"The flower petal will be all over your food, then." I laugh, "You should sit right next to it, not under it."

"Right. On a carpet beside cherry blossoms tree, watching the flower's fall while eating that delicious lunch, with the wind blowing my face. It'll be perfect with you right next to me."

I smile but not reply his words.

I'm drowning to him for the next hours. He keep talking, as random as it could be, jump from one topic to another, getting closer. Until he put his head nonchalantly on my lap and I don't have any intention to avoid it, he's naturally laying down his head while he keep talking.

"The weather got really warmer, summer is coming." He said while closing his eyes.

"Yeah, summer's coming."

"Let's do something together, us."

I don't know how to reply to that.

"Should we go fishing? Or visiting valley? Beach?" He open his eyes, "Honestly laying down like this all summer with you seems like the most rational thing that could happen." He smiling by himself.

"It's just your own thinking."

"I have so much confident to make it happen, just you wait and see."

We're staring deep and I really want to touch and stroke his hair so bad. Can I just do that? Why I'm resisting though? Isn't this what Hyerim warned me about? To not repress any of my feelings to really understand what I really want? If I'm not repress my feelings with Younghyun, should I do it too with Jae? So that I know who I really want to be with?

Jae is the first one to decided though, while I still debating with myself. He reach out his hand to me, touch the strand of hair around my face, tuck it to the back of my ear, touching my skin in the process. All the time with his staring never leave me, he's not even blinking once to be able to keep seeing me.

"I'm sleepy, let's move to bed." He said just as a whisper. He get up without demand any of my answer, walking calmly to the bedroom. Once our bedroom.

While I just sit still, thinking if I really should do this right now. Jae isn't force me, he never will, I know him. It's me that often loose to him, willingly. And right now is no different. I get up and walk to the bedroom, welcomed by his winning smile, already laying on his side on the bed, looking at me who just walk in to the bedroom.

"Just sleeping." He said to assure me.

"It's because you said you had hard time sleeping."

He smile when I finally on the bed, moving to find a comfortable position. It's a little awkward, it's been 9 months since the last time I doing this with him. But he is Jae. He just circling my waist the moment I lay myself on the bed.

"I don't like sleeping recently because I see you everytime I close my eyes." He said after I circle my hand on him too, he already hiding his face on me I can feel his breathing near my neck. "And I can't help but thinking about you, while I need to sleep, while I need to get rest after I'm battling my empty useless day to keep functioning myself with an empty stomach."

I feel sorry that he need to going through that, it never my intention. But I still not saying anything, moving my hand instead on his back, carresses it.

"Can you say something? Anything?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Sorry for what, Yoreum?"

"To make you going through that, to make you feeling that."

"You're not sorry for leaving me?"

"I... don't know, because I feel like I'll still do that eventhough I know what things you'll be facing after I left you. I was feeling too lonely and empty back then it was suffocating, all I want to do just freeing myself from it."

"God, Yoreum, I'm so sorry." He hug me tighter.

"I thought you still mad at me."

"Mad at you? How can I still mad at you? I lost without you, I'm like a failed humanbeing after you left me, I can't function the way I am. I lost motivation to keep moving."

I moving my hand, stroking the back of his head. "You said you're sleepy. Let's stop talking and try to sleep. I'm here so you won't see me when you close your eyes. Close your eyes Jae, it's okay."

He's not reply me, I feel his breathing got steadier instead, in the same rhythm with my hand stroking on the back of his head.

"I miss you." He mumbling it before I feel himself got more relaxed, his hand that hugging me become loose little by little.

I keep caressing his head for more, long. I keep taking a deep breath. I miss him too, dear god I miss him so much too.

An hour passed when I'm sure he's sleeping. I move slowly to not wake him up, see his face so peaceful, his breath is steady, really fall asleep already. And I do something out of my consciousness, I kiss his forehead, whispering 'I'm sorry' before I get up from bed and leave him, walking so slow and carefully for not making any sound.

I walk fast after I'm outside of his house, I walk faster passing the elevator, I run to the emergency exit, I run down the stairs, I want to cry.

And tears just fall, I keep running down the stairs, my sight got blurred but I keep running. Until I suddenly stop and let myself sobbing hard. Alone. Not really knowing why I cry this bad. Am I crying over my stupid and egoist self? Am I crying over my guiltiness that I made Jae suffered like that for the past 9 months? Am I crying over my regret that I did this to him? Or am I crying over the wrong feeling that suddenly filled me when I finally remember about Younghyun and all the things we promised to do?

I am a mess.

-

  
"Where are you?" Younghyun asked as soon as I pick up his call.

"Count to 10." The lift just about to close when I heard him sighing.

"I'm serious, where are you? Are you still there? When exactly you planning to go home? It's pass 11."

"Just count to 10." I'm tired, my strength got drain because of the sudden crying I did.

Younghyun starts counting after let out another sigh. The lift still at the 5th floor when he's done counting to 10, so I make him count to another 10.

"Now open your door."

I see him then, standing while holding the door's knob. I give him a soft tired smile.

"Not gonna make excuses, I just... I'm sorry." I said still looking at him. I'm so tired I feel like I don't have energy left.

He scanning me with an unreadable expression on his face. I don't know if he mad at me, or disappointed, or upset.

"I said I'll take you home."

I can't really answer him I covered in guilt, just looking down to avoid his gaze. I feel embarassed to, it's like he just caught me when I just about to cheating on him but then he let me do it, simply because he doesn't have a choice.

"Why did you crying alone again?" He walking closer to me when I lift my head, and without pausing, without other words needed, he take me to his arms. "You can just come to me."

The tiredness got the best out of me, makes my brain can't think of anything and his embrace is so warm and comfortable that makes me want to rest in it immidiately. Suddenly I want to close my eyes so bad and just drifting away from here, from everything, from the thoughts in my head. I'm tired. My hands move somehow to hug him back, circling on his waist.

"I know I've said I'd make it up to you, but..."

"You need rest."

"I don't have energy left."

"Let me be your resting place, then."

With that, I ended up on his bed, feeling myself drifting away from current world in his embrace under his blanket. I can't argued him. I might be feeling more gulty in the morning, but right now, I really just want to sleep.

 

-

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Going to beach in this time of the year is such a great idea, unexpectedly. It's not really summer so the weather isn't too hot to  give us a heat stroke, but it's not too chill and windy anymore because the spring is almost leaving. Also, the summer holiday doesn't start yet, so the beach is not too pack with people. It's rather comfortable, because we have just the right space to enjoy the beach as much as we can.

The beach itself is in its prettiest view right now, the sea is in crystal blue and reflecting the sunlight so beautifully without hurting our eyes too much, the sky is clear without a single grey cloud upon it, the wind feels so cool whenever it meets my skin. The combination of all lifted up my mood right away, right from when we arrived. I'm not holding back myself, screaming at the ocean in front of me happily, running with both of my arms wide open towards it.

How long has it been since the last time I come to the beach? Wow, I don't even remember it. This feeling is so unreal and unexpectedly bring happiness to me. I just want to lay on the sand all day watching the ocean and the clear blue sky in front of me, not thinking and worrying about anything at all. Just being lazy all day and get tanned.

That's how I pictured this short holiday would be, but not with Younghyun apparently. Because he change his outfit as soon as we arrived, to an appropriate beach outfit for water activities: black casual sports beach boxer, no top. Looking as hot as those boxer model, feels like he just popped out from the summer edition magazine. And the motive behind those outfit is none other than: water sports activities.

No spending time with just laying on the sand watching the ocean, no casual walking throughout the beach with our feet under water. No. His schedule is full of water activities, and he is such a beach boy. With that body and proportion, he is indeed a beach boy, perfect from any kind of water sports, and that's what we do.

And he's good.

Good lord, who can expect him to be good at driving a motor boat? He can go so fast that makes me screaming so loud excitingly, feeling happy when the wind slapping my face, and I like the water splash I got when he suddenly turn left or right make us nearly fall to the water but no, we still on the motor boat screaming excitingly.

The one that makes us both wet is banana boat. We can't help it because somehow, getting us fall down is the main purpose of the vehicle. But I'm laughing hard despite the painful crash all over my body when meeting the ocean, I enjoying it so much.

It was full of fun and I'm ready for the next activity.

Right now I'm looking at the list of activities in a ticket booth, thinking about what we should do next. Younghyun smiling all by himself beside me, so does our today's guide, Nichkhun, who seems to be Younghyun's old friend.

"Can rafting be done just with two people?" I asked them.

"Oh, we have couple rafting." Khun said, his smiling face got bigger, "But it takes at least 2 hours to complete it."

"Then let's do this after lunch." I smiling excitingly at Younghyun, asking his approval.

"Have you ever did rafting before?" Younghyun asked with so much anticipating look.

"No, but you did, right?"

"Why you thought that?" He laughs.

"You're a beach boy, confirmed. I won't even surprise if you said you can surf too."

"He's very good at it, actually." Khun giving a fact.

"No way!" I look at them with my eyes open big.

"He is definitely a surfer if not a teacher." Khun assure me.

"Wow, show me later then. It will gonna be a pleasant view to see before the sunset. I'll record a nice footage of it." I smile at him while moving a camera in my hands.

"If I still have energy left. I never surfing after rafting, though."

"Of course you capable of that." Khun laughing, saying it at disbelieve tone because Younghyun just underestimate himself while Khun knows exactly how capable Younghyun is. They must be a best friend.

We go wakeboarding in the end after Khun make sure that it's the easiest thing to do even for a first timer like me. And I thought it would be Khun who teach me, but now it's Younghyun who give explanation about how to do it, Khun is sit behind the wheel of the speed boat instead.

I watched how Younghyun did it before, it looks doable, but the actual deal is way more complicated.

"Don't stand up too quick, you'll fall. Let the board go with the boat for some time, it will do its work. Meanwhile you have to relax, arms straight, bending your knees more, have some patient then stand up slowly." Younghyun let loose the rope, that he use to pull up the board as a subtitute of the boat's pulling, doing it lightly to make me get used to the motion.

"How long have you do this, Sonsaengnim?" I teased him, straighten my arms more to the hand tool in the end of the rope. The other end is in Younghyun's hands. He keep loosing and pulling it for my practice.

"Focus." He smiling before loosing the rope let my board move backward just to pulling it once again, let me practice more until I feel comfortable for standing on the board.

I do just like what he told me for a couple more times until he satisfied then let me try the real deal.

"Keep your sight on the boat." Younghyun said then look at Khun and told him that we're ready.

Khun showing up his right hand for me to see as a sign, then he start drive the boat slowly.

So here's the confusing part: find the right timing to stand up. Because as the boat starts to fasten up, it get scarier to stand. All I think about is falling down and drawn to the water. But then Younghyun give a sign with his hand, that's when I slowly getting up my body, straighting my arms, making use of the moving board as a support for my feet to slowly stand up. I last for like 10 seconds before I lose my balance and fall.

"I did stand up right?" I asked just after I get out from water and see Younghyun again. "Am I doing it right?"

"Yes, practice makes better. And keep your focus and sight on the boat, not on me. One more time?"

I laughing, "Of course."

Then I do it again and again because I enjoy it so much, until my stomach finally can't take it anymore. It was so fun that I don't realize we pass lunch time by an hour now my stomach is grumbling so bad.

We move to the seafood resto not far from here, and Khun said it's the tastiest place here. The Ahjumma who runs the resto seems close to Khun and Younghyun too, what a surprise. Is it their homeland?

"I came here often because it really near my college. Same as Khun hyung." Younghyun starting their story.

"It's practically our playground." Khun giving out facts here and there in the middle of Younghyun's story.

"Yeah, we got too attached, ended up doing part time job here as a life guard at first. But as long as we did it, we got more and more interested in many sports activities here, eventually tried it one by one. One time, we felt so comfortable around it to the point we can teach some of our friends when they came visit in holiday. And that's how we ended up good at it, I guess."

"Because of the repetitive. The repetitives of fun." Khun grinned.

"We graduated, I pursued my teaching career while this hyung here couldn't get out of here." Younghyun smile so genuine reminiscing their old days.

"Yeah, I tried to persuade Younghyun back then, to keep living here at least, so he can still do a part time job here at the weekend, but he got better opportunity in Seoul."

"And met you." Younghyun look at me with a really endearing gaze.

I smile.

So does Khun, but his smile is contain something more from my point of view, like he hiding something, not sure if it's good or bad. But then he say, "I'm glad that he met you."

"Why?" I asked.

He shrugs his shoulders, "I just feeling glad, no particular reason..."

No, of course. I feel something, but I don't want to mind about that. If it really something, I'm sure Younghyun will tell me if the time is right, or if he decides that it's best for me not to know then I won't make it a big deal too. Just like he never forced me to openly talk about my private feelings or things. We can know each other better slowly, let the time do its privilege.

This is why I respect this thing between us. No pushing, no egoist demand, just let it go with the flow, with pace we both wanted and needed. It's rather relaxing. This relationship relaxes me somehow.

-

  
**-Younghyun's PoV-**

 

She makes me crazy. Han Yoreum really know how to drive me crazy. Despite the fact of how her transparant short jumpsuit glued on her body skin when it got wet making her black bikini underneath it seen, her smile also do a big part in driving me crazy. Also her laugh. And her giggles, and her amazement gasp everytime she got information about the past facts about my capability in these water sports. It makes me want to reveal all my cool sides of me to her, simply just to make her gasp in more amazement at me. Because I like it and now it's kind of addicted. Also how she now become so depend on me to spend the rest of today is just... I like it. I like how it feels.

I thought I never gonna feel like this again after Sohee, but here I am, liking it more because of how new the feeling right now. This feeling is familiar but also feels new at the same time. I'm craving for more I wish it will last long.

Yoreum seems in a really good mood too today. Unlike the past few days after she cried so much, and I still don't know what's the reason of her crying. She met Jae, spent hours with him, but she came home with a really swollen eyes and got gloomy for days. But I successfully make her feel better just now, apparently.

And now I have a hard time to keep myself composed because images of her enjoying the sun and ocean are driving me crazy. It ruined my focus. I feel so happy that I got to surf again after a long time, but that images of her keep distracting me, let alone her smile when she spotted me looking at her from afar. She's now standing on the sand holding a camera to record me, I guess.

After three more times trying to defeat the waves, I finally surrender. I just want to be with her, right beside her, smelling her scent.

"Are you aware of how cool you were on the surfboard?" She asked when I arrived in front of her, still with her camera on, shooting on me.

"It wasn't my best performance. It's been like a year since the last time I'm doing it, and I'm too tired right now after the rafting, so..." I smile to her. "I wish there's a next time for me to show you the best surfing performance of me."

"You said that wasn't your best performance?! Just how good you are actually?" She move down her camera a little bit to directly looking at me.

"Way better." I shrugs my shoulders, confidence sky rocketing, "You want to try?"

"I don't think I can keep my balance."

"You'll know if you try. Put down your camera and come here."

She do what I asked and we move a little bit further, finding a spot who not too shallow but not too deep either. I explain a thing or two, teach her how to balance on the board and how to stand up while maintain that balance, and just like all the lessons she received today, she nailed it. She's a fast learner, she actually has a nice flexibility in her and can control her body well. She must be an active kid back then, really resembling her name.

She successfully ride a wave, a little one, after like an hour practicing. She fell and I catch her, circling my hand on her waist to pull her up from the water. She open her eyes, get rid of water from her face and looking at me.

"I don't have energy left."

I laugh and hug her automatically. No wonder though, she tried many things today, also fell down the water many times too, it sure tiring.

She lean on me while one of her hand leaning on the surfboard.

"I think I drank too much water too." She laugh and casually lift her body up to the board, using me as her leverage. She sits up there comfortably, sitting cross-legged while I holding the board to maintain the balance.

I let the board moving to wherever the waves taking us. And we got silence, relaxing each other's breathing, enjoying the peacefulness and the emptiness of the beach because it's not holiday season yet. We're practically the only humans who still afloat by the water right now. It's evening, looks like the sun will set in less than an hour.

I close my eyes somehow, for short, to enjoy this moment more. When I turn my head to her, I found her watching me, smiling.

"Should we go back?"

"Feels like this moment will going to end if we go back right now."

"Yeah, right. I want to feel it longer, though."

"Me too."

"It was such a good decision to come here today."

"Right? It went to the other way from what I intended, but it's better. More fun."

"What are you intended?"

"I supposed to make you realize your true feelings about us."

She smiling, "Right. But I had fun instead."

"And nothing's wrong with that."

She staring at me long. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything, today. I like it so much."

Hard waves suddenly hit us and she lost her balance on the surfboard, grabbing my hand automatically just right before she screaming and falling down to the water. I laugh but when she's up with a hand covering her face, I standing still, automatically stop my laughing.

"Are you hurt or something?" I get closer to check what happen but suddenly got multiple water splash from her.

"What the...?!!"

She's laughing, "That was so embarassing. We just have a serious talk, I put many courage to say that to you, but the waves just ruined that moment. This isn't fair."

"And you think it will be even if you do this to me?" I asked while covering my face from her splash.

"Not really." She stop, laughing. "But at least it makes me feel better." She come to me and touch my face trying to get rid of water from there.

I freeze.

Okay, really like... I can't move, just staring at her. I want to touch her so bad.

And touch her, I am. I cup her face in both of my hands, makes her staring at me too, her hands fall down to my waist and it send electricity because of the sudden skin touching.

"Younghyun, I'm..."

I nod, "Hm, what? You're what?"

She's not reply for some time, just staring while thinking, "I really am sorry."

"For what?"

"For met him without..."

"It was a week ago, forget about it."

"Why you're not asking about it? I mean, you do realize I was crying that night."

"Yeah, I'm curious about why you're crying but I don't really want to know about you and him." My hands move to her neck. "Just forget about it."

I kiss her.

Finally. After more than a week I'm holding myself, finally I brace myself to kiss her again, forgetting the consequences I might face later. If I lose all of my control after this, let be. I just want to feel her, I deserves it.

She kiss me back after some time, feel her grip on my waist tighter. I kiss her harder, deeper, throws my mind away, focus to just feeling her on my lips and on the tip of my fingers. Tilted my head to the left and right, tounge try to involves. And success, she literally grip my skin because of that, moaning. To the kiss. To me.

"I'm dizzy." She said when I pull off to give us both some time to catch a breath.

The sun nearly set and she looks breathtakingly beautiful right now, competing with the orange sky and its reflection on water. She win effortlessly.

"Because of the kiss?"

"Or maybe because of the tiredness?" She smiles, intended to joking about it.

But I'm not joking a little bit right now.

"Good to know, cause I'm not done kissing you." I kiss her again, not less hard and deep and intense as before.

In fact, it feels hotter. It's hot and my mind full of dirty thoughts right now, dirty thoughts about her. About what else I can do with her lips other than kissing. About what will she sounds like when I do more.

"I'm kidding, I'm dizzy because of you." She's painting.

"That's even better." I kiss her again and feel her smiling thorough it. "Let's go back and change, Khun waiting us for dinner." As much as I like kissing her senseless, I need to stop this before I really lose my sanity and get more tortured.

"Salty, isn't it?" She turn her head to me while we're walking with body glued to each other.

My hand is on her waist, practically hug her, doesn't want to miss the touch, the other one holding the surfboard, "What? The kiss?"

"Hm, I drank so much water I still feel the saltiness in my tounge."

I smile and give her another peck on her lips, "It's tasty though."

She tck and hit me lightly on the chest, "But what will happen if you drank so much of sea water? Will something happen with my body? Like, it contains so much salt, right?"

"You'll get high, like when you consume too much MSG."

"Really?" She look at me again and good lord I just want to kiss her again.

My smile slowly turn into laugh, "No, I'm kidding, I don't know actually. I think you'll be fine, I believe human body have some kind of self-imune to... damn I don't know what I'm talking about."

She laugh so freely, "You're blushing."

Now we walking on the sand.

"No, I'm not."

"You are. I should capture this." She's freeing herself from me and running to grab her camera.

And I feel the lost. It doesn't feel so good.  
  


 

"You like her so much." Khun stating a fact just when Yoreum excuse herself to the restroom.

We're done with dinner and just sitting comfortably in an outdoor cafe to watch a fire dance performance, it's famous here and everyone starts to gather to find a perfect spot.

I take a gulp at my beer, "That obvious?"

"It's all over your face." Khun too, gulping his beer, "How's Sohee though?"

"She's fine." Frankly, I just remember her because of his question, "Still the same, but fine."

"So no more Sohee?" He produce a litle soft laugh, laughing at how I'm here right now without her for the first time. "You already decided to be a fool for this new face."

"I don't know. It's..." I don't know what should I tell him or if he should know everything about the story, how it started with Yoreum and how I'm so lost right now, getting further away from my first intention.

"It just happened." He complete the sentences.

And it got me silence to thinking. Yeah, it just happened. There's no logic in things like this called love. And I always be the one who stand in that side, the one with no logic. With Sohee once, now with Yoreum too.

Yoreum can leave anytime though, I'm very much aware of that fact, plus she met Jae last week. That's what I wish to happen for them when I first started this, but now I wish a different ending. I want to be with her just a little bit longer. I like this beautiful feelings that appear everytime I spent time with her, it's just different from any other feels I felt with Sohee.

It's beautiful and what important is, I like it.

  
-


	14. Chapter 14

 

_"I'm heavy, right?"_

_"Not that heavy. I can run with you like this."_

_"Try, then. Run." I challenge him but scream as soon as he really run. I hug his neck right away, closing my eyes. "Stop, it's scary!"_

_He make a full turn of himself once before slowing down and back to walking again with me still on his back. He's piggyback me right now._

_"You're so tall and it's so scary to look down in those speed without my feet touching the ground, really." I said right beside his right ear._

_He make me jump a little to fix the position, to be more comfortable. I straight my back to be taller so I can place my chin on top of his head, feeling the smoothness of his hair on my chin._

_"So until when I should do this punishment?"_

_"Until the sun sets." I turn my head to the left, to the ocean that now reflecting the orange rays of sun. The sun nearly set._

_"We will be on the other side of the region then."_

_I giggles, "Get lost, then. Us, for once."_

_"Oh, really? I don't mind though."_

_I let out a soft laugh. Then silence comes, leaving us in wondering state. This heavy feeling of facing the parting ahead of us is new for us. We never separated from day one until now, but soon we will leave apart from each other, in a different region of this country for the first time ever. And I can't deny that I'm scared. I'm so used to meet him almost everyday, and this big sudden change of our life is surely terrifying. Challenging._

_'If we can pass this, we'll get stronger and unbreakable.' he said once._

_I believe him._

_It's just this anxiety happening, makes me don't want to let him go. But it's the sake for our future, we can't do anything against it._

_"So tell me what I should prepare again?" I asked suddenly._

_Jae prolong his answer and I can feel the heavyness in his voice when he say, "Patient, patient, and patient."_

_Now I feel sad._

_"And a consideration. Communication is important, but we have to considerate if we can't do it often because of each other's circumstances. Be considerate to each other. Also, have a faith."_

_"You become more and more mature and I hate to face that I can't see more of it in the near future."_

_"It's just a year." Now he stop walking and turn his body to face the ocean. Letting me see the beautiful scenery in front of us. The sun is setting. "I'll try to make a visit as much as possible."_

_"Me too."_

_Silence again and we both got immersed at how the sky completely change its color right now._

_"It's the light that pierced the dark, not the other way around." I heard him say, but I don't really get what he meant by that and how that even have correlation with our parting. "Darkness is the original state, it's the existance of the sun that bring colors to this world."_

_"And how it correlate with our parting?" I kiss the top of his head, now feeling the softness of his hair on my lips, and smelling the sweet fragrance of it. I keep my face there._

_"It doesn't have correlation, that thought just come to me suddenly." He laugh._

_I form a smile, still with my lips on top of his head, "I love it." I tighter my embrace on him._

_"You always love those, my random thoughts. It often came out frankly, though. But you always love it and remember."_

_"And I'm gonna miss it soon." I said with a sad tone, closing my eyes._

_"I'll text you everytime those thoughts appear, don't worry."_

_Silence again, there are heavy sighs heard from both of us until I allow him to put me down. I'm facing him then, we just looking each other to remember every detail of our features. His smile makes me smiling too._

_He touching my bang, comb it lightly with his fingers, "I think I love you." He whispered._

_"I think I do too." I circle my hands again on his neck, hug him._

_After some time we're kissing. In a slow rhtyhm, trying to feel each other in details, remembering as much as possible of this feeling to be able to use it as a pill to cure the longing we might feel later. We kiss long and deep for more, and I feel that sadness again. Am I allow to cry right now?_

_Jae hug my waist not letting any air between us, prohibited anything to separating us right now, because we'll face that separation soon. He still touching his nose on my cheek when he pull off the kiss._

_"If we successully pass this later, after I get that position in Seoul a year later, let's just live together." He open his eyes and look at me with so much determination._

_I form a smile, "Are you sure?"_

_"It's a dream of mine after I met you, after we started doing this, after that first night we slept together, it's one of my life goal."_

_"Really?"_

_"You never thought we'll last this long, right?"_

_"Truthfully? Yes." I smile. "Surprisingly I got more attached to you the more we spent times together."_

_"And we still not bored with each other, right?"_

_"Of course, I really sad right now thinking we can't meet that often."_

_"It's a deal then." He give me a peck before I hug him tight, I put my face on his left shoulder, hiding my sad face there._

_He hug me too, on the waist, and we stay still in this position for awhile, feeling the wind blow on us refreshingly. It's kind of dark right now, and it feels so comfortable I don't want to break free from his embrace._

_"And after I financially good, Yoreum... let's get married."_

_"My goodness Jae, are you serious?" I try to break free from this hugging to see his face but he not letting me._

_"I kind of embarassed, so just keep talking like this." I giggle at his confession, "But I'm serious. I'll do a proper propose later, right now it's just like letting you know my life's plan so that you can keep up with it." Silence for like 3 seconds, "Do you mind... to keep up with it?"_

_"I'm not hesitate anymore, Jae. Let's do that, I love it. We can fulfill it, I'm sure."_

_"Great. Good to know."_

_We're hugging for more, feeling each other's warmth. If I given a chance to make a wish right now, I wish time would just stop right here right now. I always want that, for time to stop at the most happiness moment of my life. It's here, the most happiness moment of my life._

_My lips move without me knowing, kiss his skin above his shoulder, near the back of his head. I kiss it long and surely will suck it if he don't stop me._

_"Geez, Yoreum. Right here, really?" He squeezed my body as his reaction to my action._

_I'm giggling, "Of course not, let's go back then, so I can feel you more."_

_"My goodness." He whispered in the middle of his sighing._

_We leave then, with body still attach to each other, walking side by side._

_"What do you like the most about me though?" He asked as we walks._

_"Hm, your hair. The softness of it, the way you touch it and the way it felt between my fingers." I comb his hair then, from his forehead to the back, "Like this." I'm smiling. "What about me?" I looking up to him._

_He move his face to my ear and whisper, "I like all of you when you're not wearing anything."_

_"What?!" I hit his ribcage._

_"Ah my ribcage!" He touch it and screamed in pain. Exaggerating. "I just like your whole existance, Yoreum. Both dressed and undressed." He kiss my head, "My summer Yoreum. Always be my beautiful summer Yoreum." He said then._

 

 

I hear my own laughing, but it slowly fade away. Become more and more far away from my ears.

I hear my name being called instead, again and again, from afar, very far. I feel something touching my face too, my cheek, my nose, my neck. And the sound that calling my name slowly become nearer, clearer. It's a man's voice, so deep but soft.

"Han Yoreum..." Now he singing it, and it come out as a beautiful melody in my ear.

Makes me open my eyes.

"Finally. Hey." Younghyun smiling in front of me, close. "I'm sorry to interrupt your sleeping beauty, but it's the time."

I closing and opening my eyes a couple times to bring back my consciousness completely. He cup his hand on my cheek, moving his thumb up and down to caress it. I start stretching up my body and get up slowly, lazyly. I still feel sleepy and feel pain all over my body because of the sudden bunch of activities I did yesterday.

"It's 4AM." I said with a little whining after I take a glance to the watch.

"Yes, and we don't want to miss it, so let's get ready."

"Miss what exactly?" I might sounds like a grumpy old woman. But I get up anyway, walk to the bathroom.

"Something fascinating. You'll love it, I guarantee."

I give him a look before finally close the bathroom door.

 

 

"It's hatchery!" I shouts in a surprise tone of voice. "It's sea turlte hatchery, oh my god!" Okay, now I feel so excited.

So this is what Younghyun keep doing to me. He creates moments for us that makes me successfully forget about Jae and all the dreams about him. And I thankful for that, it help me keep my sanity and pull me out of the sadness and all the gloomy mood so that I can function the same for life. It's good and would be better if it can stay like that all the time, because the fact is not. It only last in that one moment, I always back to remembering Jae again after it. And it's getting worse because I dreamt about Jae eventhough I slept in his arms. At first, sleeping with him is effective to prevent those dreams appear, but last night it happened again. I'm frightened because I feel more disoriented when I wake up with heart beat fast and meeting Younghyun's gaze on me. It's frightening too because Younghyun keeps let it slide, if he notice there's something wrong with me, or when I space out, he casually let it pass, talk to me asking anything or just kissing me to bring back myself to current life. It feels like he avoid to talk about it on purpose, treat the matter just as 'me needing more time', so he never make it big issue between us.

But we need to talk about it, or else I will feel like I'm cheating on him forever. And the worst feeling about cheating is this unpleasant feeling I felt, the guiltiness, I don't like it. It disturbing my effort to let him in, to genuinely feel him. It's decreasing his value, makes me see him just as my replacement of Jae, not as who he really is.

This time too, he successfully makes me forget about the dream of Jae I just had. Got me exciting about something new again, to make me live again.

"So we can see the eggs hatching and watching the baby turtles walk to the sea?" I lift my head to him, smiling from ear to ear, already hyped up about things.

"If we're lucky enough."

"Oh my god, please let us be lucky today. I only saw it on TV and it was fascinating."

"It is indeed fascinating."

"You saw that before?"

"Of course, I live here for like 5 years."

"Hurry up guys, it starting to hatch!!" Khun moving his hands to us, screaming to deliver the current situation in one of the hole.

I thank god for this luckiness I got then start running to where Khun standing, carefully passing by many holes that has wooden board around it as a sign for people to not step on it, contain the information about date when the egg placed there for the first time.

And yes, this is fascinating. Seeing the little turtles cracking the egg with their little hands to go out into this jungle is literally fascinating. I only saw this on TV before, so seeing it live in front of my eyes like this is just... fascinating. How they move their body after got out is also mesmerizing. They're trying to walk as fast as possible, searching the way to get out from the hole now, one by one, fast.

"My goodness." I whisper at myself, still busy paying attention to them.

I already squatting down to be able to watch them closer, and without me knowing, my forefinger is touching one of them, at its hand. I smile feeling the texture of its skin on my finger. Then I put my forefinger in front of one cute baby turtle who now seems confuse to find a way to the sea, it step my finger just like that, not bothering a little bit, just minding one purpose: to get to the sea. Because that's their first instinct after get out from the eggs, I've read and heard about it once.

"Look how they confuse to get to the water..." Khun said, then light up a flashlight. "It's time to play our role." He then pointed the light in front of them, as a guide to lead them reach the sea.

Younghyun doing the same with the flashlight Khun gave him, while I just watching them moving even more eager through the light direction.

"Are they sensitive to light?" I asked.

"It's their first instinct as a newborn." Younghyun answered, moving step by step closer to the sea.

I still squat down, but walking one step at a time too, accompanying the last group of baby turtles who now catching up the other to the sea. I stand up as their now walking so fast, I think they're running right now. The first group has reached the water, so it might trigger the other to move faster. And they become cuter when they do that. It bring an automatic smile on me.

"The way they should take from the hole to the sea sometimes dangerous. If they hetched without us aware, some raccoons might eat them first before they reach the sea." Khun explained as he step back to give light to the second group.

"We found many of them dead on the sand once, it was heartbreaking. Since then, we put a sign in every hole, write the date to keep us aware about the hatching day." Younghyun added.

"You're a life saver. What else did you do exactly in your college days?"

"Having fun most of the time." Khun looking at Younghyun who smile agreeing his statement.

"Without so much to worry about."

I smile imagining that. They're the real beach boys, the good one.

"You still do that, though!" Younghyun shout to Khun when he realized Khun is still here, doing what they used to do together.

Khun shrug her shoulders, "Can't denying my real passion."

"Damn. Lucky you."

"You always welcome though, in case you want to comeback."

"Should I?"

"No, until you done with Jimin and the others. They need to fix their grades, they'll be seniors next year." I interrupt their conversation as Younghyun done guiding the last baby turtle to the sea.

The baby turtles now moving their hands in the water, moving even more faster than what they did on the land. And wow, their movement right now is like showing their happiness and grateful that we help them find their way to reach the sea faster. Fascinating, once again. Mesmerizing.

"That's a lame excuse, Han Yoreum." Younghyun said makes me turn my head from the baby turtles in the sea to him.

"What'd you expect?" I giggling.

"You can say, 'no because I still need him near me'." He walk to me.

"That confidence of yours." I laugh, avoiding him who try to hug me.

"Guys, coffee inside if you need it to start your morning." Khun said walking away from us with his head moving left and right, helpless.

I walking backward now from Younghyun who still stubbornly getting closer to me. I ended up running, laughing when he catch me right away on my waist then lift my body up. And to make it more like a movie scene, he turn me around in the air, makes me scream because I'm surprised that he really do that to me.

-

  
**-Younghyun's PoV-**

 

Perfect.

Sitting comfortably on the sand watching the world lighten up slowly like this, feeling the morning ocean with her head on my shoulder, me hugging her on the waist. I wish we never go back, wish we could stay here longer, to once again forgetting everything. Just enjoying each other's existance fully, without disruption.

It got clearer, the one who I want to be with. It's her. Han Yoreum. I don't know if it just a momentaryly, but I like this moment a lot. This overwhelming feeling I feel isn't like any other. It's comforting and exciting, nerve-wrecking at the same time. But I like it.

"Younghyun..."

"Hm?"

She silence for awhile, "I still dream about him."

I tense.

She try to break free from this position but I prevent her, holding her in place.

"Even last night when you're with me." She's still trying to break free but then surrender when she realized it's not working.

I don't respon a little bit.

"It's not working."

"Let's talk about it later. Please I like this so much, don't ruin it."

"I feel like I keep cheating on you." She hide her face on my shoulder. "You're so kind, you made me forget about him many times, but I still thinking of him at night."

"Stop." My heart drops.

"And the dreams got worse it keep reminds me of happy times with him. I feel bad. I tried, really. But I think..."

"Don't say it." I hug her tighter.

"...this is the most I can do. I don't think I can do this anymore."

I lost. The moment I heard her say that, I knew that I lost her. The scenario I created just come true for her. She will go back to Jae, just like how I wanted to happened the first time we doing this.

Except I don't want it right now. I'm starting to like her. Is there anything I can do to make that feeling mutual? To make her like me too?

"I'm sorry." She's starting to cry.

Lord, she's crying again in my arms. What can I do then?

"So you will go back to him?" I asked after I let her get a grip of herself again. Until her crying stop.

"I don't know."

"He's still want you, isn't he?"

She's not answer, but the answer is obvious.

"Until this trip over. Try one last time until we go back, then. Don't do this to me here. It's too cruel to feel broken here." And sad. Suddenly this bright sky feels like a lie to me.

This good morning feels like a lie to me, her happy face she showed me all day yesterday feels like a lie too. Her mesmerizing face when she see the turtles feels like a lie too. Everything feels like a lie suddenly. Like it suddenly wake me up from my deep sleep, from my beautiful dream.

Is she doing it on purpose? Purposely made me feel all this happiness, bring the most happy moments to me before she leave me? Did she planning this? Did she already decided to leave me after he met Jae last week? Why she cried that night, exactly?

She's cruel. She's gonna leave after gave this beautiful feeling and memories to me.

And I'm a fool, like what I've always been. I caught on my own trap. Nothing I can do about it, I can't complaint, I'm being a fool alone. Being dumbfounded alone. Everything starts from me, and it stabbed back at me in the end. Harder. I can't complaint to anyone, can't blame on anyone. Not even to Sohee, who was the reason why I'm doing this in the first place.

I'm upset. Mostly sad. I hate this feeling so much.

-


	15. Chapter 15

 

"What are you doing here?"

Jae stand up from his sitting position on the floor with his back touching my apartment door as soon as he see me.

"Your phone's off..." He said with his eyes focus at Younghyun beside me, his words hanging. Not long after, his gaze shift to my hand on Younghyun's.

So I try to pull it off. But Younghyun doesn't let go, hold it tighter instead, somehow. It makes me lift up my head to see him, watching him watching Jae in so much intense stare, but then he space out, blank. Still with his hand holding me tight.

"Younghyun?"

He close his eyes, lips are pressing tight, then he turning down his head.

"We talked, right?" His hold on my hand get even more tighter for a full second before it loosen. "I'm sorry, but..."

He pull off of his hand on me and without a word he turn right, reach his door and press the password fast, disappear inside his house just like that. Leaving me feeling more sorry, standing still staring at his door for seconds until I realized Jae is there watching me. Watching everything.

"He looks upset. And sad." He said after I finally look at him.

"Of course he is." I walk to him and he shifted himself to let me press the password. "I just break up with him." The door open and I walk in without holding the door to let Jae in, but he's Jae.

He's inside just like that.

"Since when you sat there?" I asked while putting my backpack down beside the sofa then walk to my kitchen to get a drink. I feel so thirsty suddenly.

"Why you break up with him? He's handsome."

I'm not surprised to the fact that he's so calm when asking that, he didn't look surprised too to the fact that I'm in relationship -well, was- after I left him. He already knew. Maybe Jinyoung told him, that's the only way he knew.

I gulp down the cold water fast then put the glass on the counter before answer him, "How can I focus on dating him when you keep appear in my dreams?"

We lock gaze, silence creep in.

But then he walks to me, with those steady confident steps, confident gaze, determined eyes, no hesitation. And he don't stop until he touch my face, cup it in his hand, tilted his head then kiss me without a word in advance.

Dear god.

I never thought I can taste this again this soon, but here it is. It waking up all my memories of him, of me kissing him, of him kissing me. I miss it so bad, all of it. I close my eyes to feel it deeper. I want to feel it more, and more and more, one more.

Whimpering. Heartbeat's racing. Breathtaking. Blood's racing.

Hands on his waist when I start kissing him back, completely lost in the kissing, both of our head moving to kiss each other deeper. Longer.

I lost in him once again.

I miss this, I miss him. I'll trade everything to be with him again, now I'm sure. The trip Younghyun provide made me sure and I feel so sorry for him, really. But thankful at the same time.

_"He got nothing to loose, so it's time to really think about yourself."_

That words Hyerim said at our last session reminds me once again that this is okay.

_"I'll leave, no string attached."_

Now Younghyun's words when he first proposed the relationship flashed, affirming my decision to be with Jae.

I jump and sit on the counter somehow, make our height similar that I circling my hands on his neck, both feet on his waist replacing my hands. I don't want to let him go again.

"Well done, Yoreum." He said when we pulled off to catch a breath.

"I hate you." I kiss his forehead and let my lips stay there, feeling him on me, let him feel me.

He hug me tight, also stay still. My heart beats so fast right now, just like the first time our skin made contact. It feels magical once again, blood running fast through my veins.

"Hate me as much as you like I'll turn it to love anyway."

I start running my fingers through his hair, feeling the softness of it once again. My favorite. My lips move then, down to his nose and reach his lips once again. I kiss him this time. And he let me do it as I like, stay still just want to feeling it, let me do the work.

Then he's smiling liking it, grip my waist tighter. He win. He always win. 

-

**-Jae's PoV-**

 

We're staring, side by side on her bed. Practically hugging, doesn't want to let go of each other even a little bit. Finally, I got my summer back.

"What?" She asked.

My eyebrow lift up, "What?"

She smiles, me too automatically.

"Jinyoung told me that he's a nice person."

She nodded, "I'm so sorry for him, and thank him too, because he made me realized that..."

Now it's me that nodded my head, "Keep going, made you realized about...?"

She's smiling more, "About how I hate you so much."

"Deng." Wrong answer.

She giggling. God, I miss her giggles so much.

"I realized that I still want you."

"Correct." I caress her cheek.

"Glad that you still want me too."

"With all my heart, Yoreum. With all my heart. See? You're the one who left me first right? My insecurities all this time are reasonable, right? Now tell me the truth, do you remember what we talked under the rain that day? Do you remember what we promised back then? Did you do it? The promise? Did you thinking twice, thrice, hundred times before you decided to leave me? Did you do that? No, right?"

So is this how it feel? When the teacher told you that you're wrong because they always right? It must be feel like this. The fact that I can feel like this to her is some kind of twist, somehow. It used to be her who talk to me in those kind of tone, but I use it to her right now. It feels good somehow. I envy her that she can feel it many times in school.

"I miss those fast talking of yours."

"Don't change the topic, I'm trying to prove a point here."

She hide her face in my embrace then, trying to hide her embarassment, "I didn't do it, and I regret it so much. And I'm sorry, and thank you for coming to me again. Should I sit facing the wall to think about what else I did wrong?"

"I'd rather like you facing me instead of facing the wall."

She lift up her face upon hearing that, "I'm facing you right now."

"Right, and I like it so much."

We get silence for awhile, just staring at each other, full of affection.

"Really, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Let's forget all about it now. We're level up again, getting stronger once again. So..." I determined, but nervous at the same time. I'm sure of her. No one else but her. It's always her all the time, from the first time.

"Park Jaehyung is nervous, this must be something serious." She whisper, smiling softly.

"Let's do this properly."

"Are we not doing it properly all this time?"

"I mean, more proper."

"How?"

"Marry me."

Time like stopping for a full second, with her staring at me.

"Marry me and come back to our home? Let's do this properly for a long time, with me."

I see her gulping down, her gaze soften for like a hundred times more. But then she move her body up until she's on top of me, smiling then kiss my lips long. I can smell her shampoo scent from her hair that covering my face, as sweet as I can remember it.

"I need an answer." I said in between our kisses.

God, I'm losing my mind and sanity again just by kissing her. And how her thighs grip my waist, how her body press and lean on me, how she smiling at me just knock me down right away I want to have her again, taste her again, being inside her once again.

We need to sleep though, she have to go to school in the morning and I have to attend some meetings too.

"Yes." She pecks my lips fast, "Yes." She do it again, "Yes." And once again.

"Aren't you sleepy?" I said, my hands start to touch her skin again, hold her waist then moving up to her back.

"Not at all." Her lips moving down to my neck.

"Would you mind if I..."

"I wouldn't mind, Jae. Please..." She cut my words then kiss and suck my skin on my neck long.

"Crazy, aren't you?"

"Hm, so please be crazy too now." She bites.

"God, Yoreum!"

"I love you." She whisper to my ear and it's the sweetest thing that comeback to me.

-

  
I ended my class for this semester, warned the whole class to prepare everything well before the final term, to put their best into it, for not feeling regret later, and they're all agreeing, smiling eventhough they seems nervous too about the exam week that will start in two days.

Jackson is the one who feel exciting about it the most, "Saem, I'll prove you just how much I've improved on math. I definitely will got a better score and makes you proud."

I'm smiling hearing that, "So math isn't boring and complicated anymore to you?"

"It's completely exciting now. The feeling when I successfully solve the problems is new, but it's good. I like it, all thanks to you."

"You should've thank yourself who gave it a chance. Everything can be fun if you give it a chance."

He nodded and smile for the last time, bow to me before leaving the class with Mark and BamBam tease me just like they always do.

The class left with Jimin and the girls who now whispering something while keep their eyes scanning me.

"Hey, Park Jimin, hurry up." Jaebum said on the door.

They're dating now, it become official. And instead of searching help for someone to do his homework, Jaebum force Jimin to finish it together with him after school. One of the good thing that happened to Jaebum.

Jimin groan instead, "Why do I have to accept his confession again back then?" She mumbling to herself.

The others giggling but liking it. They're cute.

"Do it well, okay guys? I can't help now but you have to find the answer or Younghyun Sonsaeng will keep showing us a sad face in the future." She said rather loud before she walk to Jaebum, who smiling to her then circling his hand on her shoulder right after she's in front of him.

But, what did she just said? Younghyun? Sad face?

"Me too." Now Yerin standing up, "I have practice, for the last actually, and Youngjae is waiting for me in the music room already, so..."

Suzy and Ayeon nodding their heads understand, letting her go. She stop by in front of me to reminds me about their performance at the school festival after the final term, and made me promise that I will be there to watch them.

Now it only us three in this classroom.

"Okay, what are you girls just discussed so seriously just then? And what about that scanning gaze on me? Am I do something wrong?"

"That's what we need to know, Saem. Did you do something wrong? To Younghyun Sonsaeng?" Suzy starting the investigation.

Oh, right. They all meet Younghyun once a week for Japanese private class.

And yes, I haven't meet Younghyun since that day Jae suddenly appeared in front of my house. We talked on the beach and I took it as him agreed that we should end all of our promises, end our relationship, face the fact that it didn't work, that we need to stop. But the last expression I saw from him is not what I want to see from him. I don't want to hurt him, I have no intention for doing that in the first place, that's why I hesitant about his idea back then. I hate myself that I have to see that expression from him, I feel sorry and guilty.

I think we need another talk then.

"Why? Something happened to him?"

"We're not sure either, but..." Ayeon is thinking about how she should say it, "...he look so sad, like..." She look at Suzy to get help.

"Unmotivated." Suzy said confidently.

"He still teached us just the same, it just when we immersed answering questions, he always spaced out. Like he was thinking about a serious matter that affecting his life."

"Like he just lost the source of his happiness."

"Lost the love of his life?"

They are exaggerating. "You must be exaggerating."

"So there is something, right?" Suzy got me.

"Why Saem? Did you two break up or something?"

But I'm not answering, just biting my lips.

"And contrast with Younghyun Sonsaeng's expression, you seem so bright and fresh and happy and more alive than before." Suzy once again got me.

"I'll talk to him." I said in the end.

"About what?"

"Girls, don't worry, he'll be back to his usual self after the final term, and he will teach you in exciting way again."

But they still looking at me thinking, searching anything.

"I wish you and Younghyun Sonsaeng can find a way to be all happy again, Saem. I like seeing you both together." Ayeon said finally.

"But it doesn't mean we force you to be together, just... I wish you can solve... whatever thing that happened between you two wisely... and avoid the sad part for each other." Suzy said it hesitantly.

I know she try to not sound like she knows everything about relationship, but I get her point. And I feel her sincerity of wishing us a no-sad-break-up.

Which is impossible, because break up always sad, there's nothing we can do about it. No matter how much we try and force ourseleves to not be sad and hurt because of the partying, that feeling just there, appear without us noticing. And we can't do much to avoid it, or stop it.

I felt that before. But it passed eventually, and I hope it will work the same from him too. I hope it will passed sooner for him.

So for now, I can only sigh to respon Suzy and Ayeon's wish. There's nothing much I can do about it. I am feel sorry for him, I really do.

-


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapter is specially wrote for Younghyun, so it will be on his point of view

 

"You don't have to say sorry anymore though." I force a smile.

I have to. I have to smile. It will be not much chance for me to be meeting her like this so I should smile. I'll smile no matter what. We probably will only meet coincidentally from now on, and maybe it will never be more than exchange a casual greeting if we meet around the apartment later, or at mart, or around school. We're done. The thing we once agreed to do was ended. It didn't work indeed, for her. It should be work for me, but it didn't work either. If my intention is still the same from the start, with this result, then it's a big success for me.

It should be.

But it's not. It hurts, that's the only word I can use to describe how I feel right now.

"Remember that night when I first offered this thing to you?" It hurts to pretend I'm okay in front of her right now. "Do you remember what I said to persuade you to agreed to this? When you keep asked me about what if it doesn't work?"

She gulping down, "You'll leave, no strings attached. All or nothing, direct confrontation. All decisions on me."

Damn, it hurt even more that she remembered it so perfectly like that, she even said it with the same tone I used that night.

But I force a smile, "Right. So don't feel sorry anymore, Yoreum." Damn I still like how her name feel on my tounge when I say it.

"But..." She silence, looks more guilty somehow.

"I know this is why you hesitant of doing it in the first place, I get it, I understand it now. That time I didn't think that..." I pause. No, I won't tell her the truth behind those agreement, "...it would hit me this hard." I avoid her gaze. It hurts to look at her knowing that I have no chance to touch her.

Silence creep in between us, but not inside this cafe because a soft song still playing, unbothered about the customers' mood at all.

"We can still be friends, if you want it, of course..." She's stuttering, she never be in this kind of posisiton, it written clearly in her every actions and gestures.

"I don't know, I need time, you know?"

"Or if you feel uncomfortable I won't... appear that much in front of you. I understand. And I don't know if it will help or anything, but... I'll moving. Soon."

It hurts. It hurts so much.

"To your old house? To him?"

She nod. "So the chance for us to meet coincidentally is reduced, somehow, right?"

I smile and take a deep sigh, "If we still be friends, will I receive a wedding invitation from you soon?" I let out a little laugh, mostly laughing myself at how ridiculous this situation I just put myself into.

"Younghyun, I'm..."

Don't call my name. Don't say my name like that, make it hard to forget you even more.

"I'll be fine, Yoreum. I'll be fine when that time comes." I smile, "Let's do it, then. Be friends. Let's be friends after some time. Not right away, you have to give me some time. I'll be the one who greet you first when we meet coincidentally, after some time." I give her an assurance look.

That's when she finally smile, feeling relieved. It always easy to hide something from her, she's the type who got fooled easily. I hope Jae never fooled her even once.

"Thank you, really. So much, and..."

"Don't say sorry again, really."

She smile again, "There's nothing much I can say beside I'm sorry." She looking down looking even more sorry. "But I hope you'll find someone as kind as you. I don't know if your ex is include in that category or not, but... if it not her, I hope you'll find it. But if it's her, I hope you'll find a way to work things out between you two."

I smile, nodding my head.

That doesn't make this any less painful. It still hurts the same. But what a wish, though.

 

 

  
"You're not watching it." Sohee said.

"How do you know?" I asked halfheartedly. Honestly I don't want to talk right now.

I want to be alone too, but she is Sohee. She knows the password of my house and she always come whenever she wants. I don't have energy to make her leave so here she is, sitting on another sofa in my living room while I'm laying on the biggest one, face on the TV but like what she said, I'm not watching it a ittle bit.

She turn it off then. She can looking at my face from her place so I close my eyes.

"So we can say that she's your first love, then."

"Based on what?"

"Based on this."

I open my eyes and look at her who moving her hands at me, stating her reasons. Which is me. My devastating crumble self.

"Your pathetic behaviours this past days, your unmotivated stance, your gloomy expressions, your sad eyes, it's like the world just falling, isn't it?"

I take a really deep sigh and close my eyes again.

"What should we do? First love's hard." She's mumbling alone.

"It will past." I said quietly.

"I know, but it stressful to keep looking you like this." She whining, "I'm worried."

I form a smile. Funny, how I want her to worry me just not long ago and now when I successfully made it, I'm not feeling that great.

"It's the first time you hang out with a girl and I kind of happy about it, but it's also the first time you broken like this, I don't know what to do. Can you tell me what should I do to make you feel better? Anything?"

"Just be there when I needed."

"Do you need me right now?"

"Not really."

She hissed annoyingly and I smiling because of that. It felt good somehow.

"Should I just leave now? But I'm afraid if I leave, you will do something stupid."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, jump from your window maybe?"

I smiling again, now looking at her.

"At least you can smiling at it."

"It will pass. I won't do stupid thing like that just because of a girl."

"But you're a fool. You always a fool that I worry you might really lose your mind this time."

"Ah, that words hurt."

We're staring at each other.

"We have each other, right?" She asked then.

"You asking that now just because Jae got back together with his girl, right?"

"How do you know?"

I smirk a little, "Because Jae's girl... is the one who responsible for making me like this."

She's frowning and thinking, "What?!" She stand up, walk until she kneel on the floor in front of my face.

"I wanted to use her at first, but just like what you said, I'm a fool, so... this is what happen instead."

She open her mouth to speak but not a sine word come out, ended up closing it and look at me with unbelivable look.

"They love each other, Sohee. So much. They destined to be together, we can't just interfere and break them apart like that."

She gulping down. But then her expression change, looking more relax about it, "He is not that handsome anyway."

I laugh a little, powerless. "And yeah, we still have each other."

I see her smile then.

"Want me to caress your head until you fall asleep?" She's touching my head.

"Of course."

"Let's move to bed then. You really need a good sleep."

I do what she said.

It's a full circle indeed. I always back to her just like she always back to me. Will it ever going to stop though? Where is the finish line? Will it be the last? Will we be lasting for long?

 

-THE END-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter, kind of short but it won't decreasing my love for Younghyun :)  
> And just like any other ending of my fiction, I thank all of you who read this until the end, it still has so much to improve but thank you for still reading it until the end :)  
> If you like it please leave a kudos or comment, I will appreciate your appreciation. It such an overwhelming experience everytime I finish one story, I want and try to keep writing to be able to feel that overwhelming feeling over and over again :)


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